As one grows in their pursuit of the PC gaming hobby, one starts to notice certain aspects of their experience suddenly feel inadequate. Where a small picturebox sufficed in the past, one suddenly finds themselves craving a bigger field on which their eyeballs can cavort. Where one’s store-bought Babbage Engine was once enough to check all the telegraphs in the world and surf all of the webs, now one finds a slow, chugging hunk of garbage sitting loathsome on the floor next to them, cravenly collecting dust.
When one looks to the lump of plastic in their hand, one realizes that a smoother, more precise control experience is needed to interface with this most wonderful of pursuits. Gentlemen and ladies of distinction then take the initiative to purchase a better mouse, by which they gain new mastery over their digital alter-egos in all variety of fantastical worlds and stunning adventures.
Now, when a gentleman or lady of distinction purchases said new mouse, one must be wary of an important consideration: Upon what surface will this golden scepter of virtual domination rest its glorious head? Will it be a filthy mat, fit for no more than a lowly beggar? Will it be a sad, ragged piece of rubber—a stained and pitiful reminder of past shame?
Nay, we say! A gamer deserves better.
On The Modern Marvels of Chemistry and Science
Grasp firmly your old pad of mush, friends. Grasp it, and toss it away with nary a backward glance. Look forward to a new Golden Era: a gaming surface made of all the modern marvels of material wizardry. A gaming surface made of PURE SCIENCE!
One purveyor of such technical finery is a company with the rather colloquial name of Rude Gameware, and as crass as that sounds, they are indeed merchants of some of the finer gaming surfaces to be found. Tinkers of a most edgy sort, they have crafted a gaming surface dubbed “Fierce”, and they have sent one of these Fierce Mousepads to yours truly in order to execute a review of the nature of this Teflon-coated, steel-made beauty.
To begin, the surface is larger than an average cloth-and-rubber jiggamaroo. It is made of steel, with a soft and plush underside to hold a firm grip on what is assuredly your mahogany or teak desktop. The steel is then coated with some sorcery known as “Teflon”, a surface most frictionless which allows your chariot of destruction to soar to ever greater heights. You steed has never had a more robust and virtuous ride.
Several gentlemen have commented personally on my choice of this marvel of technological terror. They exclaim, “Good sir! Where does one happen upon such glory, such wonder?” To which I, of course, reply, “the internet, my good man. The internet.”
The Fiercest of Gaming Surfaces will grace my desktop ever as I do game. I shan’t be needing any other. Icrontic doth approve this Outstanding Product.
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