This month marks what would have been the 10th anniversary of my wedding. After the divorce three years ago, I fell into a semi-don't-care attitude. I built walls around my heart to protect myself from ever being hurt again. I went out with friends, listened to local live bands and spent many nights very intoxicated. I also became very depressed.
But, I had a savior in an online community called Icrontic. I participated more on the forums, even wrote some articles for the first life.icrontic, and attended my first Icrontic LAN in 2007. I also played softball and volleyball with local leagues. I felt I was taking the blow of the divorce well, and moving on. But, what I did not realize is I had become a very closed person. None of my new friends really knew me, and I had burnt the bridge to many of my old friends.
A little over a year ago I put in for some work transfers to the Warren, MI area. I felt it was time to get out of Missouri and attempt to start fresh. I had many great new friends in the area, and had even setup a place to live.
But with all good things, sometimes they just pass you by. My workplace is hurting finacially, and soon after I put in the transfers, they put locks on them and started offering early retirement options. I was locked out of transferring for now.
About this time some unfinished business came up from things not taken care of during the divorce. Namely, finacial issues. Getting a phone call from the ex-wife is always a stressful conversation, but this time it was compounded with the fact I was in Warren.
Money needed to be sent fast, and I had no possible way to do it. I called my Dad. He took care of it, but at the cost of saying, "When are you planning to be responsible? When are you going to grow up? When am I going to stop saving your butt?" That was June of 2008, the last time I spoke to my dad until a few days ago.
A few months ago I decided to weigh myself. Lets just say I had gotten fat. I was pretty close to rock bottom emotionally. I spent a few days feeling sorry for myself. I had fallen so far off the tracks of everything I believed to be good.
Then some unique and inspiring things happened behind some doors within Icrontic. First off, I was being challenged. Something I had always been drawn too in my younger years. It was like someone had found the coin I used for a wish in a fountain, and decided to flip it over for me.
I started working out. I started a diet. I started to care about me. Not only was I talking the talk, but I was keeping the promises I made. I'm not one to fix what is not broken, but I was broke. I finally snapped out of my funk, and got my life back on track.
I am putting in work transfers again. I am hell-bent on getting out of Missouri. I have a general idea of the location I want to live in, but where exactly does not matter. I am about to start a 12 week program on building muscle mass in my upper body. I am going to enjoy something everyday that I am alive now, no matter how small. I am going to tear down the walls I've built and just maybe, find love again.
I'm reinventing me.