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[BLOG] On being real with myself - time for a change.

Cliff_ForsterCliff_Forster Icrontian
edited 8:46AM in Community
I'm fat, I'm grumpy, I'm generally miserable about money, about life, dissatisfied about what I have accomplished thus far, about what I feel like I should be doing with my life, just all of it, and its starting to make the people around me miserable too, and you know what, it's all my fault. I have this incredibly bad habit of letting problems pile up, with the hope that somehow things will just even out on their own. I know better, I really do. It might be easy to just sit back and hit the self destruct switch, just let it all spiral until I have nothing left, but I don't have that luxury, I have to think about my family and the future they have with me.

So I have spent months, sitting awake at night thinking really in depth about all the things I wish I was doing for myself, lamenting the fact that all these things are so much work, they all require so much energy and dedication on my part, lamenting that there were too many challenges for one man to tackle. No more! What I have come to realize is there is really only one thing I can do, pick a pressing issue, and fix it, then another, then another after that, one item at a time. Rome was not built in a day, I'm not going to have balanced finances, six pack abs, a restored vigor satisfaction for what I do, and be an improved husband and father all at once, but what I can do is set a defined goal for one item on the agenda, and with some help, I feel like I can attain it then move on to the next item.

So, item #1 is weight, and my general health, because I suppose that seems like the most important item, plus success can be measured. I think it makes weight loss the ideal candidate for the beginning of my self improvement journey. I have been here before, I actually lost significant weight a few years ago, but put it all back on with the lame excuse that I just got too busy to bother. Its hard because I have broken so many promises to myself. Promises about my weight, about my finances, about my work, less specific promises to my wife about how things were going to improve for both of us. There have been so many in fact, that when I said I was going to tackle the weight issue again, my wife scoffed at me, its not that she does not want me to do better, but somewhere, a while ago, she stopped believing in me, and its nobody's fault but mine. She deserves better, she has supported me through difficult trials, been by my side when I was very ill, near death in fact, and I swore I would take better care of myself. I have failed her, and she deserves better, much better in fact. Knowing this is very motivating for me. I have to do it this time, I have to improve my lifestyle and be healthy, for myself, for my wife, for my kids. If I am not doing it for myself, how can I expect my wife to be healthy, how can I expect my little girl to form the right habits and value her health and well being?

Today I hit the scale, I'm 254 pounds. Yeah, I'm tall, I don't look that fat, I've heard it all before, and its all bullshit, I look like shit, I feel like shit, and I know the only thing left to do is to eat healthy foods, exercise more, and try to feel better one day at a time. I know what it takes, I'm hip to the reality that weight loss is hard work. I have to be mentally prepared to change by now, I have been doing nothing but think about how miserable I feel for months, maybe longer. At this point I'm starting a 17 week weight watchers course, in 17 weeks, I believe getting down to anything under 230 should be a reasonable goal, by New Years 2011, I want to hit playing weight again (about 210).

With the community's blessing, I would like to post my weekly result, as well as a picture. I think it will be very motivating for me to be able to share this, not so much because I need to hear someone go, "Ra, Ra, you go Cliff", but because I know I can do this, and I deserve to document it for myself, knowing that once I tackle this monster, I have others to deal with and I want to be able to look here and say to myself, see, I kept this promise for myself, and I can do it again. Yeah, thats right, shit is about to get real.

Scary grumpy fat guy "before" picture to follow shortly.

Comments

  • AnnesAnnes Tripped Up by Libidos and Hubris Alexandria, VA Icrontian
    Make it happen, Cliff.
  • UPSLynxUPSLynx :KAPPA: Redwood City, CA Icrontian
    Ra ra, you go Cliff!

    Srsly, you know we have your back. Stick to it, keep everything reasonable, and make the pursuit of progression your passion. No matter what you do, don't give up on it.
  • DrLiamDrLiam British Columbia
    First step is self-realization. Great stuff Cliff and good luck!
  • LincLinc Bard Detroit, MI Icrontian
    DOIT. :rockon:
  • AnnesAnnes Tripped Up by Libidos and Hubris Alexandria, VA Icrontian
    Cliff, we need an update! How are you doing?
  • I weigh in on Wed, but overall, I think I have been pretty strong, holding to the plan.

    Sat was hard because it was my daughters birthday, she wanted Friendly's, and guess what, there are meals there that would actually be my entire point load for the day. I compromised had the fishamajig, some slaw and a happy ending, after starving myself all afternoon so I would have the point allotment.

    In a little more than 24 hour I should have my first official weigh in to see how I am doing, I expect to drop two or three pounds, and you will be the first to know.

    I need to get that chubby gut picture up.
  • Down 3.2 pounds to 250.8 - So I am off to a decent start, and thats mostly just watching what I eat. Throw some exercise in I should be able to make that 25 pound goal in the next 15 weeks.
  • primesuspectprimesuspect Beepin n' Boopin Detroit, MI Icrontian
    Awesome! Keep it up, Cliff. I can definitely appreciate what you're going through.
  • Week 2 down, and I'm down a total of 7 pounds. Honestly, I have made some very minor changes, just controlling portion, mixing in a piece of fish every now and then, but I have not really kicked into a better exercise routine. I have plans with my daughter tonight that includes hide and seek around the house and after that, I walk. Baltimore's outside weather is just becoming tolerable to me again, may as well get out and move around a bit.

    I'd like to hit my first 10 pounds next week, but I don't have any unreasonable expectations. Loosing 3 pounds of body fat in a single week is hard work, but thats my target this week and I feel like at bare minimum I will get close when I stick to the plan.
  • I'm down 10.4 pounds total. This week, I'm going to push the gym more. Stretch goal is to loose 3.5 pounds so I can see something with a 23 in the front end of the scale. Not stressed about that knowing how hard that is, but I have to have an idea of where I am going, a weekly goal so I can stay on track. Loosing a half pound a day is having a 1500 calorie defect each day, half I can get from diet, the other half from exercise, and its consistent with what I have been able to loose so far.

    My wife has jumped on with me and is eating better, cooking allot at home recently. I ate my first spaghetti squash this week. She cooks vegetables frequently, and I made a fresh corn salad over the weekend. Truth is, I don't miss "bad" foods as much as I thought I might.

    Chick Fil A is still a weekly staple, but I skip the fries in favor a the fruit cup, and I absolutely must eat Pizza once a week, but I limit to two slices.

    I will say, I miss drinking good beer. I had to limit myself to two bottles of Miller Lite when I went to a bar and grill style establishment on Friday, its okay, I will endure....

    This week starts now....
  • Smells like a man reclaiming his life in here.

    That's a great smell.
  • Down 13 pounds in four weeks. Did not quite make the 3.5 I set out for this past week, but not to a fault, 2.5 pounds of weight loss in a week is plenty fine.

    Currently 241, seeing anything that reads lower than 239 would thrill me this week. I'm confident I will do it.
  • On this weeks weigh in, par for the course, down another 2.2 pounds to 239 even. Thats about a 6% weight reduction in five weeks.

    This is a full on life style change now. Its no longer a diet for me, its a new way of living.

    On the course that I am on, I have ten weigh in's left for the current weight watchers plan, but I have plenty more for life, I'm committing to weigh weekly for the rest of my life, I'm going to put a sign in my bathroom, I'm always going to know what I weigh. I'm at a point where if I could just loose 1.5 pounds a week on average I will be at 224 when I finish weight watchers and well on my way to my goal weight. I'm taking this at that pace. I'm going to exercise a little more this week, and honestly, I am going to forgo the massive Easter meal. I don't care who this does or does not please, but I am eating light while I am there and sticking to my plan. Cooked something delicious and its going to waste, not my problem...

    So delicious fatty food, sweet cakes and pies, and especially you chocolate candy, kiss my ass, I don't need you anymore.

    Cliff
  • ThraxThrax Professional Shill, Watch Slut, Mumble Hivemind Drone Austin, TX Icrontian
    I would be careful about that 1500 deficit. Keep that up and your metabolism will grind to a halt. In the interim, you're probably devouring almost as much muscle mass as fat, meaning your metabolism is getting less efficient by the day.
  • Thrax,

    I'm eating what I need and exercising, weight training. I'm just saying from a scientific standpoint, you loose weight when you have a calorie deficit, and it takes about 3500 of em to loose a pound of fat, so I don't beat myself up when I step on the scale and loose only a pound or so over a weeks work because I know how hard it is to arrive at that number. On weeks a dieter looses two pounds, you literally lost 7000 calories between diet and exercise. In any plan, the first few weeks a clinically obese person (which I am) who watches what they eat, they will sloth off some fat with very little added exercise, but, as you point out, you have to get moving at some point to combat the fact that the body's metabolic rate starts to get wise to your master plan to loose its valued fat resource.

    I'm eating my skinless chicken, rice and whole veggies, and lifting weights and walking much more now. And I want to keep my weight loss pace at about one or two pounds a week until I reach goal, which is reasonable and healthy. I know I am at a point where monitoring food alone will not be enough, I have to move more. I did not have gym access this weekend so I did walk at least two miles each day just to get some extra movement in.

    I'll be hitting the gym tonight. On the lunch menu, tuna fish on wheat with a side salad.

    I'm eating three squares a day and two snacks. I'm just eating better foods. I cut sugar from my coffee and tea. I barely eat any junk snacks. Once a week I might have some baked cheeto's or something just to satisfy that salt craving, but thats about the extent of it (this is a man that used to eat cookies nearly daily)

    My one vice is a little ice cream, but I have made some compromises there, a kids cup of the soft serve from the place across the street once or twice a week in place of a more healthy snack, it gets me by.

    Another thing, the Mrs. and I are actually cooking vegetables, and I have to say, getting the red meat out of my diet has made me feel more energetic. I think in the last seven weeks, I have probably only had three servings of red meat total. Once on a small Wendy's burger (where I promptly got sick to my stomach after not having it in a couple weeks), then a little ground beef in some meat sauce we made twice for pasta, but that has been it, and honestly, I feel better.

    The trick will be Friday when I go to baseball opening day. I'm not sure how the heck I am going to say no to a ballpark hot dog, but I have a feeling that if I eat it, I'm going to feel sick so I may actually pack something to take in and have my brother pick on me about it.
  • Down another 2.6 pounds. I am down 18 pounds total. Current weight 236 and pocket change.

    This week, if somehow I can manage another two pounds to say I got to 20 pounds that would be phychologicaly gratifying. Just to say hey, I've lost 20 pounds. Outside shot it will happen in a week, it will likely take two, but I am certain that it will happen.

    So, looking at my weight loss so far, I'm thinking hitting under 225 for the 17 week course is not only attainable, but that I absolutely will do it, just by doing what I have been doing and mixing some more exercise into the routine. That will have me loosing about 13% of my body weight in just sixteen weeks, and I'm fairly sure I am going to get there.

    The program has been effective so far, and if I continue as expected, I may re invest in another course, even if its not offered at my workplace. I'm thinking playing weight by the end of 2010 is not just attainable, but almost impossible for me not to do as long as I keep my motivation.

    So far, so good.
  • Down another pound,

    This is where it gets hard. I will prevail.
  • Down another 2.4 pounds this week, 21 total in just nine weeks.

    I have seven more weeks in the current WW program, and I am 100% certain I will blow past my initial goal which was just to loose 10% (about 25 pounds)

    Now I'm thinking 35 might be obtainable. The quest, 14 more pounds in seven weeks, a scale that reads with a 21..... I will do it.

    After that, I am going to commit to join my wife's WW group since she joined a separate one, and I will do it with her until I'm not only thinner but better fit and conditioned to make this commitment to myself for life.

    I said, let me hit playing weight by New Years, about 210 for me, now I am thinking I may not only do that, I might actually be in the best shape of my life come my 36th birthday.
  • I lost another 1.8 this week. Current weight is 231.2

    Down about 23 pounds from nine weeks ago. I'm making this work.

    I have a pretty consistent program now. I know what I need to do to get about 1-1/2 to 2 pounds of weight loss each week. I will remain patient and continue to loose it the right way. See ya next week 229.
  • At the sound of the tone this weeks weight will be 228.2... beep....

    Down three more pounds this week, making good progress.
  • After missing a week for weigh in (a week that was likely less than optimal) I am back on track.

    Down another 3 pounds over the two week period, make my current weight 225.2.

    Down 28.6 total, I expect that I will eclipse the 30 pound marker by this time next week.

    I can really see a difference now. Weight training is starting to show a little, upper body looks a little more balanced. I still have a spare tire to defeat, but I'm doing it slow, I want to loose fat while I build lean muscle.

    I'm about two months away from the family's annual beach vacation. I plan to take my shirt off without scarring small children, and teenage girls for the first time in years (maybe ever)
  • I'll keep this entry short and sweet, I'm down to 219 !!! w00t!!! Thats 35 pounds of weight loss in 16 weeks, and I have done this while improving my upper body. Not shabby if I do say so myself.

    Thats the end of the first work weight watchers course. My goal has been and remains 205, so, 14 pounds, I'm going to go nice and slow and try to keep building lean muscle while I loose, so I am going to re up for a 12 week course.

    I'm doing it!
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