Icrontic Bytes Archive

[Shorty]

"now he's like big orange pumpkin spice doobie" - kanezfan referring to his cat "Tang".. Aww, how cute!

[Shorty]

[02:32] Brian: i luv you
[02:32] Brian: but not in a gay way, or anything like that, but sort of gay, kinda, but not really.... Like, maybe 5% gay, okay, maybe 7%
[02:33] Brian: well maybe a little bit gayer than I thought
--primesuspect declares his love for Kwitko

[Shorty]

[t1rhino]These dust bunnies are breeding like crazy! Every week I have to clean out my case.
[kanezfan]I've heard other peeps report success with pantyhose.
[edcentric]I tried pantyhose, but they were so uncomfortable that I had to take them off.
---edcentric misreads "dust bunnies" for "playboy bunnies"

[Shorty]

"Beaver...an industrious creature found in the Canadian wild, on one side of the Canadian nickel and .... errr....well they're just everywhere dammit. (This may not translate well internationally as some people, like Shorty, may probably uses "Beaver" as some quaint UK slang for something like "pork chops" or "nipping off to have a pint.")

"Now go drink your coffee and wake up before I smack you upside the noggin with a beaver. "
--MediaMan being.. err.. MediaMan

[Shorty]

To Thrax and Ageek
This site is called short-media.
So please keep your posts short.

---MJO, referring to the mess that starts here (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?postid=28972#post28972)

[Shorty]

Testing Opteron Folding:
Prime: "Let's see how fast it folds." *Launches the 3.25 client and begins entering 'Primesuspect' into the user name field*
Thrax: "Set it under its own name so we can see how many points it does in 3 days."
Prime: "..........Nah. We'll see how many points it does for me in 3 days"

[primesuspect]

Buddy Jesus - "My roommate went through 3 mobos, 2 sticks of Ram and 2 video cards while building his system..."
Leonardo - "Did that have anything to do with an exploding soda bottle?"
Buddy Jesus - "Ouch!@ Nope, different roommate (not Garg) and it was a Dell that felt the wrath of my exploding Coke prowess."

[primesuspect]

Hahah I don't think it's worth $550 for Bothered to get rid of the spyware... Unless he's completely eccentric, filthy rich, and just plain potty. Well, we can probably rule out the filthy rich part, eh?

--Part 1 of bothered's spyware debacle

[primesuspect]

Thanks again all, Hopefully that is the end of it and I won't get another bullwhipping from Prime. Man he's mean with that thing.

--On bothered's spyware debacle

[primesuspect]

Kwitko: entertain you?
Thrax: Yes.
Kwitko: wouldn't a woman be a better choice?
Thrax: None of those currently present. I settled for the next best thing. :-x
Kwitko: then you want prime
Thrax: But...The semantics D:

[Shorty]

Spinner said:

For god's sake you guys, give it a rest. This isn't the computer playschool here, this is the Pro Shop.

[Shorty]

There was a command to poke a value into a register that would heat up some element on the motherboard until it popped, destroying your computer. So, you would write a program like:

10 POKE 2343,12
20 GOTO 10

(I forget the exact values)

And run that, and in about 20 minutes, poof. Bye bye $2500 computer.<i>.. <a href="http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?postid=40366#post40366" target="_new">primesuspect on the Commodore PET</a> </I>

[primesuspect]

"Sputnik, the clock is right. It's always right. Adjust your local time to match Shortmediatime.
Obey all that is good and Short and... uh... Media-like. "

Short-Media high priest Kwitko converting another member

[Shorty]

<I> Geeky1 said: </I> No, that's perfectly alright shorty. You guys go ahead and have a group hug. I'll just shake hands, OK?
<I>Nightshade737 replied:</I> Oh shut up and go and change your armour......

In <A HREF=http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=4084>Spinner's "Venting" thread</A>

[Shorty]

-tk: sorry about that we've been having huge bandwidth spikes all day, upwards of 6mbit, i thought the box was hacked but it wasnt. turns out sombody is pushing a TON of outgoing http traffic, Ive been turning sites off one at a time for 10-20 minute intervals to find the culprit
Camman: yeah, I think that was my fault
--on the [H]'ing of purposelessproductions.com's FANtastic EMachine

[primesuspect]

Camman: I think I might have to start Tae Bo
Camman: I bought these damn tapes on ebay, did it for like a week or two, then stopped
primesuspect: was it working? two weeks is long enough to start to feel, if not SEE, results... ?
Camman: well by two weeks
Camman: I mean
Camman: twice
Camman: on two seperate weeks
Camman: ..

[primesuspect]

<strong>General Keebler:</strong> ummm... is there a bathroom at sarcnet?<br>
<strong>primesuspect:</strong> No Keebs, there's no bathroom. We usually piss over the fence onto I-94.. It's fun to see the cars swerve to avoid it, but sometimes they crash into each other and then we have to run like bitches, and that's no fun <img src=http://www.short-media.com/forum/images/smilies/frown.gif>

[primesuspect]

<font color=blue>Mr. Kwitko:is memtest your answer to everything? "Brian, you're not fufilling my needs." "I'll run memtest on my nards." ; "Brian, the kids got in trouble at school." "Have you run memtest on their brains?"</font>
<font color=red>primesuspect: yep</font>
<font color=red>primesuspect: my mantra at night</font>
<font color=red>primesuspect: "Om mane padme hom memtest86.com sambuddhasa"</font>

[primesuspect]

When you're shin-high to the world, and it feels good to rub your face...Pants it is!
<font color=blue size=2>--Thrax</font>

[Shorty]

How does the diarrhea song go?
duh-duh-duh duh-duh duh-duh-duh duh-duh diarrhea.
duh-duh-duh duh-duh duh-duh-duh duh-duh diarrhea.
--a2jfreak

[primesuspect]

The dye that is used in recordable media will eventually fade. It's inevitable. However, optical is your best bet. Do what everyone else says, and re-copy it every year or two until some kick ass new gelatinous bacterial DNA storage comes out. Or the storage that teleports your data to be etched into stone on the moon. Or whatever.
--primesuspect on <a href=http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8002>storage media</a>

[Shorty]

"So if you ever need to convert your cellphone into a sex toy, just throw it in the washing machine for a round." <br />--primesuspect tryin to justify <a href="http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8764" target="_new">washing his cellphone in the laundry</a>... oops

[primesuspect]

<font size="2">"Just becuse it's the most popular browser doesn't make it the best. It IS inferior technology. <br />I saw Riki Lake's biography on A&E the other day. They said she was the most popular girl in college, the WHOLE college. <br />Were you gonna rush out there and have sex with her? No, there are way hotter chicks out there. <br />IE is the Riki Lake of web browsers."<br /> -- <b>Kanezfan</b> on <a href="http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?p=94779#post94779">Internet Explorers dominance of the browser market</a></font>

[primesuspect]

It was nice to come home and smoke a bowl.... of Arabian Tabbakie... it just smells so SWEET! Like a Fig Neuton! We almost had an urge to eat it, but we couldn't read the writing on the box so figured it may not be too healthy(as if it has stopped us in the past).
<FONT COLOR=blue>-- Can RWB resist the urge to eat Arabian Tobacco? Find out <A HREF=http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9326>here!</A></font>

[primesuspect]

<B>On Team 93 we have Scott_M</B>
<B>Who Folds 'em as fast as he spots 'em</B>
<B>Poor Shorty was gassed</B>
<B>When he found himself passed</B>
<B>And old Scott was just happy he got 'im</B>
<FONT COLOR=BLUE>--Profdlp writes Scott a limerick to congratulate him on <A HREF=http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9336>making the top 100</A> for Team 93. Congrats, scott!

[primesuspect]

Thrax gets whiny about the new "Random SM-Byte"

and primesuspect says:

Thrax, you're fired from the internet. Please turn in your badge and keys at the front desk.

[Lincoln]

Oh, it's a strange sickness we have... a strange sickness....

primesuspect on scott's mutt folding system (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10163)

[Lincoln]

Too late. Money has already changed hands. It's going on a European Journey. :ukflag:

Necropolis_uk causes the 1337 processor to cross the pond (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showpost.php?p=106440&postcount=9) for the first time in Feb, 2004.

[Lincoln]

Family.... that's what life is about. Wouldn't change a thing.

QCH2002 pontificates in his Proud Daddy Alert thread (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6222)

[Necropolis]

Also, be aware that "brains" or "smarts" have little or nothing to do with internetworking. Today's workplace is all about good communication and problem-solving skills. You might possess a CCNA, CCNP and even a CCIE but I can tell you this -- while these qualifications are good to have tucked away under your belt -- they come way behind how you communicate and work with others and how you react to unrelenting stress and pressure. Moronic and infantile behavior is not tolerated in the workplace, period.
Network Engineer or Witless Wonder? Your choice.....

'Nuff said!

[primesuspect]

If my daughter doesn't get off her lard ass and start watching my farm, she will lose her damn allowance, which is given to her to watch the farm while I'm at work.

--muddocktor on Why his production has been down (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10738) :crazy:

[primesuspect]

Another in a long line of ridiculous AIM chats between Camman and primesuspect:

Camman: I guess im just a bitter little person who will bitch about anything to anyone who will listen
primesuspect: I think your apparent bitterness stems from the underlying tension that must exist in any social situation whereby two or more parties feel the need to bolster their own sense of ego by parading their intellectual prowess to the masses, as it were.
Camman: indubidibly
primesuspect: ergo, your erstwhile attempts at explanation leave me with a sense of intellectual deprivation, i.e. I am dumber for having read your litany.

[primesuspect]

I had a haunted computer once. Tough to deal with. A dip in holywater would do it, but that would also permanantly disable most computer functions.

I finally ended up making a sign that said:

NO GHOSTS/DAEMONS ALLOWED

I hung that inside the case, and my problem was solved.

-CBDroege explains his version of tech support

[Lincoln]

"I wanted to know how to safely overclock my computer, and I was overwhelmed by the number of intelligent replies. This ain't your average site."

ginipig explains (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showpost.php?p=119935&postcount=6) why he joined Short-Media

[Necropolis]

This is GENERAL hardware right?
ok, We need to get a new kettle for tea making purposes (this thread may only be of interest to UK citizens and primesuspect) We need a window to asertain the current water level, it must be cordless, fast and shiny. I have looked at the Morphy Richards 43058 3KW jug s and the Russell Hobbs 1011rialto opte, both 3KW with fast boil. Can either of these kettles be overclocked or are they locked? Is there anyway to mod them to 3.1KW? What is the max safe voltage I could apply to the element? As with all Tea related products cost is not an issue.
Help me out guys.

bothered's latest venture into the hardware world

[primesuspect]

Well I try to learn something new everyday, and today's lesson was the meaning behind TOODSFART... this shall forever be remembered, I can just feel my brain burning many many of it's cells to allocate memory needed for this lesson... I think I just forgot all my education from College.

Thank you Prime ;) As usual, it's been a blast. ;D

-RWB waxing on his education (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?p=124803)

[Shorty]

Geeky1: know what I hate? When every 2nd or 3rd oreo in an entire bag of them is broken so I can't take them apart
AstroWorp: yeah life can be pretty rough at times
AstroWorp: i'm sorry, man

Oh dear ;D

[primesuspect]

Enverex expounds (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=12486) on the GeForce 6800 Ultra:

Yeah, and how many power supplies it will need. People may have to start renting pylons.... "Hi, yeah, I need a direct power feed to this area" : "Ok, what is it for, road maintenance hardware, drilling equiptment?" : "Er, kind of.... you see I have this really good graphics card for my PC...".

[Lincoln]

Chewbacca is Fozzy's dad.

-bothered's thoughts on Star Wars (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=12686)

[primesuspect]

General Keebler: I think I chipped my tailbone or something so I came home to see the doctor :-/ Stupid modem.
primesuspect: How did you chip your tailbone on a modem? :-/ :confused:
--These are the important discussions that go on in the staff forum

[primesuspect]

Dexter, Shwaip and everyone else who took the time to help this rookie user.. omegasearch is dead, my browser is safer and this site is incredible!!! You people are absolutely amazing... I don't know how you find the time, but thank you very much

-Beeski thanks (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?p=132837) Short-Media's spyware removal crew.

[primesuspect]

"I had something like that happen. But it was a mosquito and it wasn't on the rump" :-/

:eek3:
VileDaRKNiGHT comments on bikerboy's thread (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=13690) about getting stung in the ass.

[primesuspect]

SM LAN Byte #1:

At the Original Pancake House. Primesuspect, Thrax, GHoosdum, and CrazyJoe0813 are at a table. Table is crowded. primesuspect decides to consolidate plates. He moves his pancakes on to his main plate, and stacks his empty pancake plate under thrax's empty plate. Thrax's comment?

"There - we defragged the table"

:wtf:

[primesuspect]

"Dude, you have an epic dream about being chivalrous and holding on to a beautiful woman over a war-torn landscape... I have a dream about a washed-up glam rocker from the 80s popping zits on my face... And YOU feel like a sissy? Your dream is positively MANLY compared to mine! ;D"

--primesuspect laments (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?p=140439) his weird dream in the Weird Dream thread...

[primesuspect]

primesuspect: Mondi says "Kwitko" sounds like a convenience store name... "Hey! Run down to the Kwitko and get me a six pack!"

[primesuspect]

On the Memorial Weekend 2004 Party at prime's house:

[20:51] Thrax: I wonder if we could import Dan :X
[20:52] skwitko: Well, if we can somehow digitize him, we could FTP him to Detroit, or maybe BitTorrent.
[20:52] Thrax: He wouldn't be that big a download either.
[20:52] skwitko: No, especially if we tar and gzip him.
[20:52] Thrax: The man practically grew up to be gzipped..

[Shorty]

Brilt:

I heard on the discovery channel like a year ago that losing your hair is just evolution doing its job. They say that eventually no one will have hair.

So according to that not only am I not evolved because I have a lot of hair but I also have a molar with a double root which is a Neanderthal trait

YAY go me :banghead:

[Shorty]

Geeky1: It's not compensation so much as expression. Heatsink size and wheiner size are directly proportional, not inversely proportional.
Thraacks: I also subscribe to the "Huge HSF = Huge wheiner" theorem.
Geeky1: hehe
Geeky1: well, if we both believe it, it can't possibly be wrong
Thraacks: Of course not!

Sad :wtf: so very very sad....

[Leonardo]

Tex, relating his adventure at a boiled Crawdad special at a Texas restaurant, tells of the big-breasted, intellect-impaired waitress' comments:

" P.S. When she brought over the live crawfish to the table I bought as fish bait earlier I couldn't help but poke a little fun at her (liike shooting fish in a barrel) and I asked her if we could get in trouble for crossing state lines with the crawfish... She looks over at Robin and says "don't worry sweetie... if you get pulled over just show em your tits".

Of course this becomes the battle cry and solution for every problem all night... JUST SHOW EM YOUR TITS ROBIN."


Crawdad Special (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=14608)

[primesuspect]

Spinner:

"You guys sure are rubbing it in us UK'ers faces. Next time, we should have the LAN here in the UK. I can see it now, it will just be Dan', Colin, Bothered and myself all huddled round a little camp fire playing UT2005 to minimilist effect."

- on the abundance of "inside jokes" since the SM LAN and the Memorial Weekend party..

[Leonardo]

Bothered, pondering one of life's great questions:

I'm always suspicious of 'life time' guarantees. Does it mean it's guaranteed untill it fails or untill I do. :eek2:

[primesuspect]

"WHOA!!! How'd I miss this kickass deal!!!! This will solve my stupid load and stutter problems!!!!!! I could, ummmm, MANTOUCH YOU!!!"

:eek3:

Pseudonym thanks (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?p=147568) MissleMan for helping him solve his.... umm.... errr..."load" and "stutter" problems....

[primesuspect]

"jesus ****ing bobblehead christ doll on a pogo stick with a garden gnome in a raft (tm). "
-geeky1

[Leonardo]

After receiving advice from several Short-Media members, Vicodin states his decision not to purchase an quad Intel P3 500 Xeon system:


"Thank you for the common sense infusion.

I will not put it in my house,
I will not use it with my mouse,
I will not buy it here or there,
I will not buy it anywhere,
No xeon 500, Sam I am -
I do not like Green Eggs and Ham.

Fold on."

So, we now have a resident poet. I feel better!

[Shorty]

That's my 2 c and it's not worth much cause it's Canadian.

But I got a few lonely tree huggin' beavers I'll loan ya..

--Mediaman

[Leonardo]

An exchange concerning ownership of ducklings. No, that's not a typo. Quack (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?p=149606#post149606)

TK: "i think if ducklings could play unreal, i'd pwn them......"

CBDroege: "And hampsters, -tk... You could probabaly pwn hampsters as well..."

Thrax: "No way you can beat the Capibara, though."

Vicodin: "Who the duck cares?"

[primesuspect]

"I think I may go 'woot'"
"WOOT!"

-bothered on the release (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=15470) of Thief 3

[primesuspect]

shwaip: ...so I have this new plan. Evertime I feel the urge to watch porn, I do situps.
shwaip: it's worked well for the past few days

Geeky1: rofl. you planning on entering the "Mr. Universe" competition at the end of summer?

[primesuspect]

Gargoyle on Academia (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=15921):

"Come to think of it, that would be the fastest way yet to get the data. I could drive there, punch them in the face, get the data, and drive back in a week's time.

Road trip :thumbsup:

[Lincoln]

"I don't know which to watch... the dog afraid of the bug, or the Japanese ninja porn!"

-Thrax, 4th of July party at casa de Prime

[primesuspect]

TheSMJ picks up a drink at the Fourth of July party:

"Dude, this tastes better than usual.... I think I'm an alcoholic"

[Shorty]

I like my fake cartoon women to be real fake cartoon women thank you very much.

-Khan (anime babe thread) (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=784)

[primesuspect]

Another ridiculous AIM chat:

-tk: hahahaha check this out:
"What do you want to get out of Quicken?"

-tk: one of the options is "get out of debt"
-tk: hahahahaha
primesuspect: you click that and $10,000 comes out of your CD ROM
-tk: dude, I did click it, Im still poor
primesuspect: holy crap it must not be working right

[Necropolis]

In the WWW, it is we who are small, and Shorty who walks amongst the giants. :-X

-Thrax showing some respect for the Short media Coding God over here (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16816) :D

[primesuspect]

:banghead: When all else fails...

...find a bigger hammer!

technical advice (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17463) from RADA

[primesuspect]

Old friends + instant messaging = hilarity:

GHoosdum: Sorry. You don't have to do it if you don't want that security. But you'll continue to get viruses unless you update your level of security.
CB Droege: I didn't say that I wasn’t gonna do it, I was just calling the waaambulance about it.
GHoosdum: I see. Are you really allowed to call yourself out on the waaambulance thing?
CB Droege: No, you see, I was actually calling the Waaambulance... they're here now with the first aid kit.
So far the technician has tried simply rolling his eyes, and giving me 35c to call someone who cares. Neither of those treatments worked, so he's about to try playing the worlds smallest violin...
GHoosdum: Did he tell you to cry him a river, build him a bridge, and get over it yet?

[primesuspect]

Camman: I have superstud syndrome, its rough to deal with. For some reason, it seems that attractive women have to like throw themselves upon me and cant get enough of my "awesome intellect" and "super-stud like body", it really gets at me sometimes that I have this horribly afflicting disorder

Entropy: Is it communicable? :)

-Discussing the current trends in mental disorders on Geeky1's assburger (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19125) thread... :eek3:

[primesuspect]

RWB Says:
"I swear one day when our homes appliances are all merged together through the network, people will find a way to take over total control of your house through your toilets improperly designed version of MS Flush 2032"

Read all about our own Nostradamus' prediction here (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2604) ;D

[primesuspect]

Leonardo: There's something to be said for farm fields. It's like the ocean - very peaceful.

entropy: Yeah, except for I've never gone to the ocean, taken a deep breath of air and got lungfulls of manure and/or chemicals >_<

Discussion about Leonardo's view (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=20695) from his new house in Alaska. Congrats, Leo :)

[Shorty]

EgoShowcase: You free?
Thrax: No man. No one's free. We're all oppressed by THE MAN. He tries to keep us down.. With his taxes, and his censorship. You've got to FIGHT to be Free, man.
EgoShowcase: ...
EgoShowcase: ok
EgoShowcase: keep up the fight brother
Thrax: I'm sorry. The "Anarchy propaganda" key is right next to the "Sure" keys.

[primesuspect]

MeWasHere03: but if i delete the file i cant hear the music!
primesuspect: THEN DON'T DELETE THE FILE DUMBASS
primesuspect: Gee, if I throw away my burger, I won't be able to eat it!
MeWasHere03: but...

Ahhhh.. the love between siblings knows no bounds......

[primesuspect]

[23:32] Thrax: Seth, we must assist each other in the funny. We must reclaim our dominion!
[23:33] kwitko: Absolutely!
[23:33] kwitko: So how do we start?
(10 minutes pass)
[23:43] kwitko: That's good so far.

[primesuspect]

Kwitko: i have to work on a proposal to change our company e-tail site into something that actually works
primesuspect: fun
Kwitko: it's only 3 years old, but it's just godawful. You have to see the backend to manage the products. The company that made it left no instructions, and didn't use any friendly table names, so you have to know what *their* definitions are
primesuspect: You should see the backend that *I* have to manage.
primesuspect: it's a mess back there.
Kwitko: i'll send you a screenshot tomorrow
Kwitko: if you delete a single product, you just might delete a whole product group
primesuspect: At least yours isn't hairy....
Kwitko: i have no reply
Kwitko: i'm going to turn off the monitor and step away from the pc...

[primesuspect]

nomad: NO ONE MOCKS ME, I DEMAND SATISFACTION.
nomad: PACE OFF.
primesuspect: BANG
primesuspect: I win
nomad: *slain*
nomad: /crie
nomad: I just got done reading a biography on Andrew Jackson, so now I want to duel something.
primesuspect: duel a lamp, or a clothespole...
primesuspect: I mean, chances are, you'd win.
primesuspect: it would be a real confidence booster
nomad: Yes, HOPEFULLY I WOULD NOT GET TRUMPED BY THE CLOTHESPOLE.

[Necropolis]

Thrax: Ok, so this can says "Do not drink more than two servings in one sitting"
Thrax: I'm about to drink 4.
Geeky1: what is it?
Thrax: "RIP IT" energy drink.
Geeky1: hmm
Thrax: 99 cents for 16 ounces
Thrax: Twice the ounces of red bull, nearly half the price
Geeky1: uh... you get what you pay for?
Geeky1: well, except AMD cpus
Thrax: No way. This has all the same ingredients in the same amounts.
Geeky1: hmm
Geeky1: so what you're saying is that red bull is like the intel of energy drinks?
Thrax: Yes.
Thrax: Exactly.
Geeky1: (i know. it's late. i'm making connections that probably shouldn't be made)
Thrax: Red Bull, like Intel, is overpriced, overadvertised, and gives you far less than you paid too much for.

[primesuspect]

primesuspect: that would be a funny joke to play on someone. Get a bunch of people who somebody would never suspect were in cooperation, and get them all to ask somebody the same type of question
leishi85: and what would the funny part to be???
primesuspect: I don't know, get like 20 people to ask somebody what to eat for lunch or something
leishi85: and u think that's funny
leishi85: ooh prime, u going downhill
primesuspect: omg
primesuspect: i'm getting old
leishi85: i know. u are not the same anymore. i feel like i have been cheated

[primesuspect]

we'll call it a "hot mondi"

Hot Mondi
-----------------------
6 oz (almost a full mug) strong black tea, steaming hot
1 lemon slice
2 tsp honey
a few cloves
cinammon stick
6 oz VSOP Brandy
A 6 oz VSOP brandy chaser in a sidecar + a shot of whiskey in another sidecar
A toilet nearby

[primesuspect]

"It's the Faberge egg of games, looks georgeous but not much fun to play with." - bothered

Short-Medians are a tough crowd (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23133) for Doom III....

[primesuspect]

Camman: so, tell me, did you ever like go to the mall and park in a parking garage and then go out to find a rap battle commencing behind your vehicle and so you had to like go to TCBY and have an ice cream and wait for it to be over so you could leave
primesuspect: o..o
primesuspect: I'm going to bed now o_O
primesuspect: that ... uh....
primesuspect: goodnight *runs*

[primesuspect]

Camman: im so pumped for the SMLAN
Camman: you're gonna see, your life will improve by leaps and bounds once you've met me, its gonna be ridiculous
Camman: you'll wonder how you ever got along without me
primesuspect: I already do
Camman: i am pretty awesome, but, the real me is like 10x better than the internet

[primesuspect]

"Much better. Your other pics were hilarious, but I think the concept may have lost something when undertaken by someone who, shall we say, lacks a certain endearing pixielike quality... :D

You could have at least put a shirt on. :wtf:"

--profdlp on Bothered's attempt at enhancing the Christmas spirit of our site (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=24964).....

[Lincoln]

Thrax: FIX SM MATTHEW.
General Keebler: i cant.... :(
Thrax: Worthless. pfft.
General Keebler: omg, db error now. dan is working on it...
Thrax: BORKEDEDEDEDED
General Keebler: im gonna keep clicking refresh so he gets as many e-mails as possible...
Thrax: bahhaha
Thrax: I wonder if ctrl + f5 being held down sends that many emails.
General Keebler: oh god i hope so
General Keebler: we're like a two-man DoS attack
Thrax: SM's POP3 server says, "AAAAAAH WTFFFFFFF"

[primesuspect]

“Oh yes, it's true. Personally, though, I'd rather have the /pee command than the /pizza command... sometimes the action is just too intense to get up. I had to hide in a dumpster in HL2DM while I was peeing the other day just to avoid getting killed!”

GHoosdum discusses various ways to become more effective (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?p=246577) at video gaming....

[primesuspect]

[22:02] prime: and there's only two attachments in that whole thread
[22:03] prime: Prof's folding sig
[22:03] prime: AND THE ACCURSED KANGAROO
[22:03] prime: oh the humanity!
[22:03] prime: or should I say the marsupiality!
[22:03] Thrax: Seriously, I have no answers for you. Heh.

Try to figure THAT one out.....

[Shorty]

Yeah my first-grade son got a homework assignment today:

"Write a dissertation explaining your opinion on field-effect theory and how it could revolutionize nanoelectronics"

He had to write it before we let him play gamecube tonight.

--primesuspect on modern education...

[Lincoln]

Lord_Night: Bill [Gates] to be nighted. why does that put fear in me somehow.... bad enough we deal with windows... what is he gonna try and mess up over there...
RADA: "I'm sorry you must upgrade to British Monarchy 7.2, version 7.0 is no longer valid."
RADA: "Your system has hung due to a non-responsive application. Parliment 5.8 Not Responding"
RADA: "Tony Blair 2.0 has encountered and error and must shut down, please reboot."

[primesuspect]

nomad: Every forum needs an idiot, things aren't interesting without it.
prime: thank you, for filling that role for us at short-media
prime: we appreciate it

[Lincoln]

I am VERY lucky and know it... I mean....

You can argue that I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer but...

I'm not a plastic spoon either my friend. (big grin)

- Tex

[primesuspect]

I'm now folding proteins and my own clothes! My god this is amazing!

-RWB on his newfound status as a folding maniac (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=29814).

[Lincoln]

I'll brb - I gotta play UT2k4 with my son for a few minutes.

-words on modern father-son bonding from primesuspect

[Lincoln]

I currently have a back log of second rate drivers which the people of the world need. I am god and the people of the world are my children. Don't take away the churches so I can no longer speak to my followers. Don't take away the branches for which I spread my love. Don't...

...too many Easter eggs. ;)

* goes to check blood sugar levels

- Spinner, on his troubled server access,
after too many holiday treats

[Lincoln]

On Macromedia being bought out by Adobe:

Primesuspect: I hope they don't try to cram adobe's tool interface onto flash and call it a new version. That's my biggest fear.

GHoosdum: My biggest fear is being stripped naked and smeared with dog poo in a crowded city street. But that thing you said, that's a close second.

[primesuspect]

"Cliff's Notes:
-Rome wouldn't uninstall properly
-Rome now won't install properly
-Deleted Rome folder
-Doing this on a second harddrive
-I'm hungry."

-NiGHTS on his experiences (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=31128) with Rome - Total War. Here's to hoping he got to eat :p

[primesuspect]

Once when I was selling some meat to a hot chick, we started talking about the center cut pork chops. She didn’t believe how juicy they were, so I rubbed one on my neck so she could lick the juice off.

...I sold a lot of pork chops that day...

--TheSMJ on sales techniques (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=7169)

[Lincoln]

10 minutes after MiracleManS leaves General Keebler's room:

MiracleManS: I'm sick, I think.
MiracleManS: I'm really sick...
MiracleManS: and have a headache.
MiracleManS: and hiccups.
General Keebler: hiccups? that sounds serious.
General Keebler: you should have a doctor look at that.

[primesuspect]

"I'm strange..."
-CBDroege

[primesuspect]

FormFactor on Kangaroos:

"... so cute with those thick tails, and badass fighting techniques..."

ProfDLP's response:
That describes most of the women I've dated...

Found in the Funny Pictures Thread (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?p=288983), post #1112

[Lincoln]

"thaS whwr i got my 3700 form as weel ad afew other thimgs in th pastt. i better gey ogg herre bwfore i post somthijg i whek regret in mkorning"

-mtgoat gets so mad at NewEgg he can't type here in the pub (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=35126).

[primesuspect]

I say you clean out one room at Sarcnet. Name it the Doom 2 & Beef Jerky boom boom room.

Setup all the computers to run one of those new Doom2 variants, ZDoom or one of those.

Then stock a cabinet full of beef jerky. During non work hours take staff friends and family in there and eat meat and have a frag fest.

Im so smart sometimes, seriously.

-- Gravite2090 flaunts his vast and magnanimous intellect (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=35277) amongst the plebians.

[primesuspect]

primesuspect: so why was your internet connection down for 10 days?
Camman: cause Comcast likes balls
primesuspect: ah
primesuspect: yeah, that whole "liking balls" exploit

When people go missing...... it might be because their ISP likes balls..... :ninja:

[Leonardo]

profdlp:

"Yikes! I may have a wife and don't even know it."

"Gosh, I hope she's good looking..."

(senior moment?)

[primesuspect]

taranicole1988: Cool computer-on-a-stick
Hi everyone! I love new inventions and toys and such, so I'd thought I'd post about a product called "Computer-On-a-Stick", which I just got today. It has its own operating system and everything! I thought someone might want to provide feedback on what they think. Check it out at www.spamspamspam.com

Kwitko:
I've also got a cool invention. It's called the BanStick™!

Sheriff Kwitko rides again..... :ninja:

[primesuspect]

OMG!!!! Now I have sweet-n-sour sauce all over my shirt, pieces of broccoli on my monitor, and fried rice coming out my nose, I'm giggling like a circus clown on laughing gas, and my co-workers are looking sorrowfully into my office like the IT guy has finally cracked!

From this point forward we need a warning disclamer on all S-M Bytes! Only trying to save us from lawsuits, and other litigation problems! ...Now pardon me while I get the rest of the fried rice out of my sinus cavity.......................

...RADA on the efficacy of short-media bytes (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=36352)

[Leonardo]

...the soulution is simple. Take your ASUS A7N8X and put it in the trash can....

THE END, telling Enk1du how to solve his video card problem once and for all.


No one will ever misunderstand him for being too subtle.

here (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23467&page=6&pp=20)

[Shorty]

"So, when you stepped out of the river, the dove of AMD alighted on your shoulder, and bright light from the clouds shone upon your face. And there was the expression of perfect serenity on your face... Did the angels sing?

Beautiful system. I must not read too many threads like this. I want at least another year out of my systems before I spend big bucks."
- Leonardo getting spiritual :cool:

[Leonardo]

New member ljCharlie inquires about recovering from a data loss disaster:
"I accidentally format my hard drive and install Windows OS over it. What is the best software to try to recover my data back?"

Tex responds:
"If you did a full format not a quick one... you may need something like Harry Potters magic wand. Or someone like the CIA or FBI etc..."

Blunt? Yes.
True? Yes, probably that too.

[Leonardo]

GooD comments on progress with fixing problems with his computer's sound system:

Today i've made some other test ...

Good news : No more distortion from rear left speaker :confused:

Bad news : No more sound from rear left speaker :wtf:

[primesuspect]

"Aye, there's the rub. Every grain of sand has a slight chance of having at one time been part of something very beautiful, however, it has a much greater chance of having once been part of someone's butt-crack.

It's the yin and the yang of pondering in general... The 'universal balance' if you will..."

--CBDroege ponders the meaning of sand (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=38044).... :ninja:

[Leonardo]

Pilotwings119 responds to those who would criticize his care of an injured motherboard chipset fan:

what I do with my fans is MY business!! It's my fan and I'll murder it if I want.

[primesuspect]

Mizugori on getting away with counterfeiting (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?p=325675):

actually you better burn those pieces into ashes then eat the ashes then crap outside and plant something in it... forensics these days, whew, you really gotta re-organize those atoms just to be safe

or you could um, get a job.

[Leonardo]

In a sparkling moment of leadership and creativity, GHoosdum conceives a new interest group:


I have decided to start my own organization...

NAFHPWSU: National Association For Hitting People With Sticks, Unprovoked.

[Leonardo]

Jengo ponders a thread (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9326) about car accessories gone totally off topic.


"Sooooo.... how did this thread go from talking about stereos to smoking camel pee soaked tabaco?"

[Leonardo]

QCH2002, commenting on a requirement for his graduate program floated a document for the forums members to rate:

Hey everyone... While I'm not a SVT Member, I do have a decent amount of experience with spyware. I chose to write a research paper about spyware and my recommendation on how to reduce/ remove spyware.

ProfDLP replied:

I opened the document and then started getting popups for fake v1agra!!!!!111

[Shorty]

Hehe, yeah, always start with the least destructive method.

Like, if I said "Maybe change this bios setting, or maybe de-solder your MOSFET power regulators" which one would you want to try first?

"DAMN IT! Better re-solder everything so I can try that BIOS option!"

Khaos on the path of least resistance.... literally

[profdlp]

Crazy for sure.. overclocking is a strange sickness.. Almost as obsessive as folding.. but not quite :D

It is degenerative --> :cool: :) :( :eek: :hair: :eek3: :crazy: :buck:


--lemonlime after performing surgery (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?p=340628) on his brand new Opteron

[profdlp]

Short Media is like a treasure chest! I find something old, new and awesome everyday!

-Sledgehammer70 (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showpost.php?p=352201&postcount=849)

[primesuspect]

"hey guys! thanks for all the help and advice.

man, this is a great forum. I've gotten more answers here than i have in all of the other forums i've asked this question combined!"

--knoxknocks gets the Pentium 930 overclocking help (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=42717) he was looking for :)

[primesuspect]

Nothing's ever easy.....

drasnor: today's fun activity is trying to get windows to work on my other hard drive
drasnor: for a change it's been linux that's easy to install and windows is being the bitch
khan: hah, godspeed.
drasnor signed off at 8:11:39 PM.
drasnor signed on at 9:07:12 PM.
drasnor: **** it, i'm installing wine

[primesuspect]

Regarding snuffie....

rada: my girlfriend will adore Snuffie....
prime: you may think that.... but snuffie is .... well, he's hard to love
rada: Really, he seem like a big love in the pics...
prime: oh he is. he's a very lovable dog
prime: he loves people
prime: but he's .... a bit offensive to those with refined senses
rada: Well, no worries there... we're both plesantly unrefined. Plus my girlfriend is a special needs teacher, her patience is monumental...
prime: well... hahahaha you could consider snuffie to be a dog with special needs. If dogs could be diagnosed with mental disability, I think snuffie would qualify

[Leonardo]

One of Short-Media's very own designs a wonder CPU that Intel and AMD can only dream about:

"Hey my new Sledgehammer LITT "Leap Into The Trash" CPU has 10 Billion Transitors on a 12nm die" and it uses lazer beams to transfer data!

Sledgehammer70 does not believe the demise of AMD (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43046) is anywhere in the near future.

[Lincoln]

skwitko: hold on, banning spammer
General Keebler: dammit! i was totally on it
skwitko: sorry :-(
General Keebler: got him! hahahaha
skwitko: uh, no you didn't
General Keebler: alexlopez?
skwitko: i already banned him
General Keebler: oh... i guess it doesnt check before it does it
skwitko: did you just ban my banned user?
General Keebler: uhhh... guess you better re-ban him to take credit back :-(
General Keebler: im so ashamed
skwitko: nah, i already have 60
skwitko: you can take this one, junior

[RWB]

Primsuspect on what the "OC" stands for in network terms :respect:

One time me and -tk were talking about what the 'OC' stood for... I think it was around the time we put our servers on the OC48 here..... We came to the conclusion that OC stands for "OH CRAP that's fast"..... :D

[primesuspect]

Drasnor: yeah it's r*cos(theta)*phi_dot
Drasnor: now let's say you're in the center of the solar system
Drasnor: or i am
Drasnor: you're still in michigan farting
Drasnor: you've got that velocity (r*cos(theta)*phi_dot) in the negative phi direction
Drasnor: as it turns out, the earth is canted on its axis about 22 degrees with respect to its orbital plane
prime: that's true
prime: i knew that

Drasnor and prime discuss physics and..... flatulence.... :wtf:

[Leonardo]

JimG opens a friend's computer case in an act of selfless good will (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43442), and...

"...and there was cubic inches of dust mites,bunnies, heck the farm was in there."

And you thought your computer was little dusty!

[Leonardo]

Dennis poses the quintessential basic upgrade question:
"Ummm, ok, how do I increase memory, if possible? I need more."

tmh88, in a flash of uncommon brilliance, responds:

"buy more?"


Mr. tmh88, we are grateful, Sir.

[Leonardo]

Forums members ponder how we might get an official AMD or Intel representative resident at the site. tmh88, known for decisive, critical thinking, hatches a sure-fire plan:

Definately, I'll go investigate that right now. Maybe we can pay them to hang with us on the forums and answer private questions. Then once they gain our trust we invite them to the SM lan and tie them up and make them give us stuff like scratch & sniff stickers of silicon or something.

[primesuspect]

Leishi: Give me something cool to do in Beijing while I'm there
Prime: Get china folding!
Leishi: oh that
Leishi: that's difficult
Prime: NOT IF YOU ARE A WARRIOR FOR SHORT-MEDIA
with massive 1337-fu skills
HI-YAH
ninja your way into Beijing with folding cards and RESIST THE MAN while BRINGING FOLDING FREEDOM to the oppressed people whose computers are doing nothing with their idle cpu time!
prime: ...
prime: or, just take some cool pictures of people giving the "V" sign

prime and leishi discussing world issues...

[primesuspect]

Kwitko: now, about my dowry
primesuspect: Four sheep, two bundles of silk, and a bushel of oranges
primesuspect: Not a bushel more
Kwitko: and control of keebs
primesuspect: ....
primesuspect: deal

Kwitko and primesuspect discuss the details of.... something.. who knows anymore?

[profdlp]

Good thing I like spicy food.
One day doctors may tell you to start eating eight habanero peppers every three days.
Ring of fire on the other end though...

-Zanthian has Johnny Cash spinning in his grave... (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43673)

[profdlp]

Cyclonite: *Cries* This isn't exactly what I expected becoming part of the staff.

primesuspect: Nobody ever does, Cyclonite :( Nobody ever does.....

[profdlp]

...I ask myself from time to time about why I even OC..... the only answer I have is because I can. It's kinda like asking why would you not choose to allow a small 1mm addition to the length of your pen0r..... it's not that big of a change, but some might think its dumb to not allow it. :p

RWB grows philosophical (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showpost.php?p=375331&postcount=29) about overclocking.

[Leonardo]

A short anecdote by Rada, epitomizing the spirit, grit, and resolve of a Short-Media staff member:

Had a field medic help me extract a rather deep [ingrown toenail] with no pain killers, while out in the middle of Totally-Freaking-Nowhere, Honduras.....
Went from a 5'9", 235lb M60 machine gun carrying badass to a whining 3 yr old in about .02 seconds.......

[Leonardo]

An example of our members defending other members in moments of indiscretion. Here we find Thrax covering for a forum member in need, TheSmJ, after SmJ starts a bizarre thread:
"That's probably the most retarded thing that's ever been on this forum."
Tk, thinking that TheSmJ's reputation has been besmirched, jumps to SmJ's defense:
a"Apparently you haven't been reading his other posts."

[Leonardo]

TheSmJ contracts a very strange disease:
"I just finished getting over a nasty ass cold".

CBDroege shudders at the thought:
"Wow... I hope I never get an ass cold..."

[GHoosdum]

Nightwolf: Building looks kinda like the cs_assault building from counter-strike!
SCAR: Actually if you squint your eyes turn your monitor upside down and put your head between your legs, it kind of does...
Nightwolf: If you turn your monitor upside down....and put your head between your legs..that would make the monitor right side up!

Nightwolf and SCAR discuss AuthorityAction's place of work (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=44781)...

[Leonardo]

Our generous, big-hearted Primesuspect has taken in three children to his home. GHoosdum has provided us an explanation (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=45077) of why Prime's family grew so fast:

...have you seen the scene in spaceballs where they're at the diner and the guy who ordered the special has an alien burst from his torso, then the alien gives a song and dance? That's how prime got three more kids.

[Lincoln]

"You know I loved my rabbit until the lamp didn't love it... :( It gave it a zap of affection back."
-Sledgehammer70 comments on decist's new pet (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=45095)

[profdlp]

...the axe is nice too...but if u use a pick axe you gotta wind up...go and make some ramen...then come back to the game and find yourself dead with the dang pitch fork still in mid swing...

WuGgaRoO shares his feelings about Silent Hill 4 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silent_Hill_4:_The_Room)

[profdlp]

[22:12] skwitko: Right now I really can't spare the money, especially after my $1100 tax bill.
[22:13] skwitko: And, uh, the dual core Opty I bought a month ago.
[22:13] skwitko: And the four 320GB drives
[22:14] skwitko: Money's tight, as you can see.

Kwitko contemplates coming to SHORT-MEDIA LAN 2006 (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43854), despite financial circumstances that only a US Congressman could understand...

[profdlp]

This is Short-Media, where no shortcoming is allowed.

Esso tells it like it is in the Networking & Security (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?p=381872) Forum.

[Leonardo]

Lewicron faces the challenges of overclocking a computer (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=45084) - his first try. Will this brave warrior overcome the enemy? Here's his latest comment from the front:

Damn. Still no joy. I wonder if it's worth downloading the latest BIOS, though I frankly have no idea whether it willl offer any advantage. It's starting to look as though the closest I'll get to overclocking this thing is to paint go-faster stripes down the sides.....

[Leonardo]

Thrax and Omatic810 discuss the joy of good physical memory.

Omatic810:
I've been running memtest for 4 DAYS now, trying to see once and for all if my PC problems have come from some faulty memory. Does anyone know how long Memstest is supposed to take, on average?

Thrax :
Does it say "PASSES: 1" or more? If so, you win the internet and your RAM is fine.

Omatic810:
Yep! It says, "Passes: 178". Meaning I must have uberRAM. I humbly accept this internet, and wish to donate it to the Short Media community. Thanks!

[profdlp]

I have trouble against a single normal Vampire, so I'm dreading the powerful one no matter how crap he is. Also having severe issues like being stuck in the Witch's house at daytime, but can't sleep or even just wait because I'm "trespassing" and can't stay outside for more than like 2 seconds else I die. Eventually managed to make some healing potions, run out the house, cast heal twice as I'm running (that's all I can cast my 25pt healing spell, twice =/ ) make sure I drank the potion, jump off the cliff into the river, drink another health potion and keep doing that till I run out and keep casting healing whenever I can and then swim down the river till I reach the cave and then go inside to "wait".

Yeah :/

Enverex describes a typical day in Elder Scrolls IV (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=45552)

[profdlp]

That was nerdy. You're a nerd. You're such a nerd that you and your nerd friends should run a site where you help aspiring nerds become nerdier by answering their nerd questions. And then when your nerd site has its two year anniversary, you should make a nerdy video where you paste pictures of you and your nerd friends' heads over comically simplified people playing instruments.

Wait. You already do all those things.

...Carry on.

(It was cute, really.)

profdlp's daughter critiques the Short-Media, Year 2: Flash Video (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=33337)

[primesuspect]

Brian's New Hair: Cucamonga Nuclear Holocaust Lightshow
"...He uses Macs, drinks exotic coffees, owns his own small business, practices an obscure eastern faith, can curse you in extinct tongues, and wants to consume bugs on a stick! But our favourite connoisseur of 'Music seven people in the world enjoy' is sportin' a new hair-do! We go inside the man, and find out just what happened! Did he have a back-alley run in with the coolaid man? Has his fetish for Chester the Cheetah finally gone to his head? Did he lose a duel at dawn with a bottle of clorox bleach?..."

Read all about it in the Bitter Crumpet Newsletter.... (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?p=388063)

[Leonardo]

Q complains of a very personal problem:

My testicles itch whenever it rains....

Our resident Mr. Help provides sage advice:

This is a complicated question. When it rains, the atmosphere is naturally more humid, and humidity is a leading cause of male, genital discomfort. Nobody likes the batwing! My advice is to, in fact, overclock your PC and then teabag your processor so you can experience warm dryness.

Thanks for your question,
Thrax

[profdlp]

...50% of what happens around this place needs to be viewed with a sense of humor in order to be interpreted correctly, and the other half is SVT threads.

GHoosdum offers his perspective on forum japery. (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showpost.php?p=390292&postcount=376)

[primesuspect]

A frustrated user states:

"But my mom wont allow me to buy a fan grill and won't allow me to cut those tough metal grids :werr:"


ProfDLP observes:

"You can't really fault his mom. It all starts with something small like a fan grille, then one day you find that your kid has moved onto the harder stuff, like heatspreaders and watercooling. Before you know it he's mugging people to get the money for a vapochill unit."

[profdlp]

eh what the heck, i'll walk. i'll summon my inner Kenyan. but, compared to the speeds you'll be going, it's more like i'm teleporting myself to the finish line. so i don't get lonely, i guess i'll pace myself just ahead of GHoosdum and his cloud of exhaust. xD

sharkydart decides to enter the Team 93 Walk for a Cure (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=46356)

[Leonardo]

airbornflgt bemoans the difficulty of teaching his mother PC skills (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43176&page=3):

I spent 2 FRIGGIN HOURS teaching her how to use the print dialogue box and how to print to my room over the network. ok, one little simple dialogue box == 2 HOURS. so lets see, to teach her windows, that comes out to be (carry the 2, move the decimal...) 6 Score and 90 Minutes

[Leonardo]

Thrax comments on his iPod...or, hmm, relates what a customer stated to him (yeah, that's the story):

"I think the firewall is blocking my power."
Said by a customer unable to charge his iPod from his USB ports.

[profdlp]

Poor old people the drugs they did in high school are haunting them....

See kids this is why we don't do drugs. They make it so you can't find the on/off switch to a computer.

Sledgehammer70 laments the challenges faced (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?p=405168) by the older computer user.

[Leonardo]

Airbornflight muses over his difficulty in resisting upgrading (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=48405) his computer.

All of these pricecuts and people talking about their upgrades while I am wanting to wait till next july/august is like talking to a girl and her giving you the look after my pastor just gave a speech over abstinance. I am trying so very hard to resist the temptation...

[Leonardo]

jhenry relates his secret to effortlessly fixing computer problems (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=48397)

My mom actually woke me up early asking me if I had a solution to your problem. I didn't even get out of bed, just told her to refer you to [Short-Media]. Seems like it worked.

[Leonardo]

Metomeya needs guidance (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?p=410038#post410038) for a not quite common challenge:

Best way to put two keyboards, mice and monitors on one computer?

Leonardo responds with deep technical insight:

Duct tape! :buck:

[Leonardo]

Cyclonite performs a selfless act of kindness (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showpost.php?p=410041&postcount=6) for his supervisor:

I just did this setup for our CFO...ended up purchasing an AGP card from a retail store....He already had a PS/2 mouse and keyboard, so I just grabbed him a USB mouse and keyboard as well.

Video Card: $80
Keyboard: $25
Mouse: Free (Had one lying around)
The happiness in my CFO's (the guy that signs my checks) eyes: priceless

There are some things money can't buy... and that's why you kiss ass.

[profdlp]

Questions abound regarding the upcoming Star Trek XI movie:

Justin: When did 6,7,8,9 or 10 come out? :scratch:

Thrax: After 1, 2, 3, 4, 5..? :range:

[Necropolis]

*Mom looks at the 6800 in one hand and the 7950 in the other*

"But mom, it's for cancer!"

Black Hawk looks for any excuse to get that videocard upgrade he wanted here (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49441)

[primesuspect]

StainMeNow's Top 5 Hottest Celebrities:

1) Jake Gyllenhaall (I can never get that damn name right...)
2) UrLakOfSkill (a member here, but doesn't post, and I'm not joking)
3) Tobey Maguire (in the Spiderman suit)
4) Josh Hartnet (as the bad ass mother in Lucky Number Slevin)
5) Keebs (totally not joking about this one, either, Keebs is a hottie :D )

Not only is our very own General Keebler a CELEBRITY, but he's also a hottie! :grr:

[profdlp]

How do gamers who run Linux run their games? What is the typical scenario?
-Living Dead Child

Have Windows installed on another partition and use it. It's the only surefire way to have the games run, since nobody seems to care about cross compatibility.

Make sure your bootloader entry is hidden. Call it Mandrake or something. They'll never look there, it's too softcore. Otherwise you'll piss off hardcore Linux guys... Especially those debian nuts. They'll pee all over your keyboard for blashpeming linux.
-jhenry

[primesuspect]

The man from New York
Dispenses advice freely
With head up his ass

--SM staff haiku :ninja:

[profdlp]

An appointment for a hair cut? What happened to regular ol' barber shops?
-Black Hawk

When you want a prissy emo cut, you gotta wait for it, man.
-Thrax

From the Short-Media guide to hair care. (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?p=435387)

[Kwitko]

Leonardo offers some advice on fresh scents:
Ya, so................uh.........

wondering what is the best way to sent a room, with natural scents?
--metomeya

Eat lots of garlic and beans, I would suppose.
--Leonardo

[profdlp]

So what you're saying is... you dug digg before digg dug themselves a hole. Now you don't dig digg as much as you dug digg before?

-Cyclonite analyzes jared's change of heart regarding digg. (http://digg.com/)

[Leonardo]

Buddy Jesus Confesses:

You can't "try to be punk" because that isn't punk. You either are or you aren't. Punk isn't about your dress code. I have more punk in my pinky finger than half the kids with liberty spikes and a Clash t-shirt.

[Leonardo]

Guyute provides an insight concerning multilevel marketing:

A good set of questions to ask, because once in a blue moon a reputable MLM comes along (I think), are
1) Do you have to spend a LOT of $$ to sign up? The more $$ to sign up, the faster you should run. Usually means they are about to give you a wedgie you will never forget!

[Lincoln]

Rob and Seth discussing their latest investments

thraacks: No, going to write a check to Alex Rodriguez so his son, dying of cancer, can receive treatment. What's the equivalent area code for Sierra Leone?
skwitko: Actually, they're clearing those checks in Nigeria now.
thraacks: Wow.. Nigeria has always been a major hub of investment
skwitko: I know a great escrow service, and you just wire them $500 to cover fees. I'm going to use the money I won in the EU lottery.
thraacks: I'm going to invest in new shipments of Cialis and Xanax from Canada. I heard about it in my email.
skwitko: Forget that, I'm going to enlarge my breasts.
thraacks: It's with that new cream, right?
skwitko: Yep! I'll be sporting a sweet set of double-D's.
thraacks: Awesome. If these new pills I got an email about really pan out, I'll need a third pant leg.

[primesuspect]

Two gamers discussing the addictive nature of the new Zelda game on the Wii:

Cyclonite: damn it.. nevermind.. my dad just put in a movie.. i dont feel like wathcing a movie
prime: har har har
Cyclonite: no.. not funny.. i want to save hyrule!
prime: the twilight realm encroaches, people are suffering, and it's ALL YOUR FAULT
Cyclonite: aaahhhh
Cyclonite: nooooooo
prime: They will never know the light again! ALL BECAUSE YOUR DAD WANTS TO WATCH A MOVIE
Cyclonite: who wants to meet joe black? i dont!

[profdlp]

Three hammers for the Admin-kings under the owner title
zero for the spam-lords in their third world sty,
zero for the n00bs with problems not a trifle,
Five for the Ban Lords at reported posts' beckon call,
In the Land of Short-Media where the spammers lie.
One hammer to ban them all, one admin to use it,
one hammer to crush them all, and with power not abuse it.
In the Land of Short-Media where the spammers lie.
-Thrax puts the evil spammers on notice.

[GHoosdum]

I think she might be attracted to bothered after seeing a "shirtless" picture.
-dragonV8

Then her eyesight is as poor as her English.
-bothered

How will bothered deal with this attempted 419 scam (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=53714)?

[Leonardo]

Two Short-Media staff members discuss romance and the treachery of the female species

Kwitko:
It's a trap! She gauging your reaction, although she may not even be aware of it. Women test men,
even subconsciously. Tread lightly, friend.
profdlp:
That's true. Just the other day this winsome lass came up to me on the street and asked if I knew
the square root of 729. Good thing I'm a genius and knew the answer. :cool:

[primesuspect]

General Keebler: so i see the latest shortie: Computer Scientist Jim Gray Missing Since San Francisco Sailing Trip
primesuspect: what?
General Keebler: and i go "who the hell put all caps and no period?"
General Keebler: so i go look in the database for the culprit.. get the author id, then search for it in the author table
General Keebler: it's steve
General Keebler: and i have his bio info set to "is probably to blame"

...
primesuspect: it's late.. you've had a lot of caffeine. I understand why you might think this is funny.
primesuspect: you are wrong, however.
General Keebler: but... see... he really was to blame...
primesuspect: yeah
primesuspect: i got it

[primesuspect]

guess there's a lot we don't know about what lei shi does on the weekends...

Lei Shi: look at what i bought at UrbanOutfitters.com:

11857547 7 Long Chain with Pendant 1 No $14.99 $14.99
12924486 1 Small Shoulder Bag with Bow 1 No $14.99 $14.99
13016191 6 Pretty Bird Beaded Necklace 1 No $20.00 $20.00
13058417 7 Sparkle & Fade Heathered Appli 1 No $24.00 $24.00
12888186 4 Lux Solid Bow Cami 1 No $38.00 $38.00
13097969 1 Damsel Printed Voile Bandeau B 1 No $12.00 $12.00
13056700 6 Lux Smocked Floral Babydoll 1 No $48.00 $48.00

primesuspect: nice :D Is all that for you? :p
Lei Shi: yeah. u know, the weekend...
primesuspect: That's cute. I think you'll look especially hawt in the Lux Smocked Floral Babydoll :D
Lei Shi: i know
primesuspect: you realize that you are heavily in danger of being SM-BYTED right about now, right?
Lei Shi: oh **** those are for my friend... female friend.... NOT FOR ME!!!
primesuspect: pwned

[profdlp]

Some other "techie" came in there and said "Oh, this FAH thing is 'eating up' 100% of your CPU. There's your problem" :rolleyes:
-primesuspect

Hehe ...now show her that "System Idle Processes" is chewing up 100% of her cpu!!!
-csimon

Chris supplies the logical rebuttal (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?p=461587) to the argument that Folding slows down your computer

[Lincoln]

Nomad tells us the tale of walking in on his roommate and...

RWB: Masturbation!? Getting caught white handed?!
checkmate: I think it's still red-handed...
Nomad: /thread
StainMeNow: This thread is useless without pics!
primesuspect: /site
profdlp: You go first. :cool: /lechery
Clutch: /wrists

[profdlp]

The ups and downs of replacing a router: (http://www.short-media.com/forum/showthread.php?t=54843)

Trance Lord Snyder:
Too bad I have to set up all the port forwarding deals and wireless connection again.

mtrox:
It's good for you Trance. It'll put hair on your geek chest.