Life.

[^Ben]

Im numb at the moment and i need to let this out.

A freind of mine commited suicide by jumping off a cliff a couple of days ago. He was a close freind in school but we kind of lost touch, i hear from a mutal freind that i keep in touch with often that he commited suicide i thought it was some kind of sick joke, then i went through the seven stages and at the moment im just running through scenarios through my head.

How can you come to the conclusion "i've got to die"

What must of been going through his head when he wrote the note and left it on the table, did he say bye to his family knowing that would be the last time he would ever see them. When he was driving up to the cliffs what must of been thinking, and when he was going to jump what must of been goingthrough his brain at the time. And when he was falling did he think "i dont want to die"

I keep getting this image of him wiping his face "raining at the time" and then falling and being free of the world.

He had a heartattack as he was falling so i doubt he was alive when he hit the bottom.

Every bone in his body was basically broken.

what if suddenly my best freind dies and all the stuff i've ever wanted to say to him i wont be able to.

And when we go to some kind of school reunion its obvious more people are going to die before we get there (maybe i will)

All the people ive ever left on bad terms i will never get a chance to apolagise or sayhow i really felt.

And what will happen when i die, i hope all the people i've affected in life will turn up to my funeral and remember me.

This is the first time real death has happend to me so it's pretty much a mind **** at the moment.

[Clutch]

I don't know what would push someone to that point. I couldn't imagine what would cross a persons mind at the time. We have all had really low points in our life, and we all seem to pull through them. I really don't know what to say, it is sad for someone to take their own life without actually telling their loved ones anything.

[Guyute]

I am sorry that this is happening to you, Ben. I worked for a funeral home for 5 years, and a suicide was the worst scenario I ever had to deal with.

In the end you may just have to console yourself that as much as some people rebuke his memory for what he has done to his loved ones, in the end he needed to feel freed from something he had no control over. Take some solace in the fact that for all of the torment he must have been feeling, he is now at peace.

Any death is tragic and always causes some self-examination, so use that reflection as a way to memorialize your friend; you now see how your life has some holes you would like to patch.