Geeky1
7 Sep 2003, 9:10pm
Redneck Death
What's the last thing a redneck says before he dies?
Hey! Watch this...
Stayin' Alive
A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life.
He said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you'll live to a nice ripe old age."
So the cowboy did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to the nice ripe old age of 96.
When he died he left behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren
...and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
You might be i redneck if you drive your ...
You might be a redneck if you drive your truck through a metal detector...and it doesn't go off.
Redneck Baby
You might be a redneck if your baby's first words were, "Attention, K-mart shoppers."
Survivor for Alabamans
With the overwhelming response to the CBS hit "Survivor", Alabamans have made their own version.
Contestants are given a pink car to drive from Dothan, to Birmingham, on to Decatur, and back to Dothan. On each car is a bumper sticker that says, "I'm gay, I'm a yankee, and I'm here to steal your guns!" First one back wins.
You Might Be A Redneck If... Star Spangled
You might be a redneck if you think the last words of the ''Star Spangled Banner'' are ''Gentlemen! Start your engines!''
Shoot The Pig
A farmhand is driving 'round the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling — what should I do?''
"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush."
The farm worker agrees and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."
"So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped.
"The blue light on his bike is still flashing!"
What's the last thing a redneck says before he dies?
Hey! Watch this...
Stayin' Alive
A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life.
He said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you'll live to a nice ripe old age."
So the cowboy did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to the nice ripe old age of 96.
When he died he left behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren
...and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
You might be i redneck if you drive your ...
You might be a redneck if you drive your truck through a metal detector...and it doesn't go off.
Redneck Baby
You might be a redneck if your baby's first words were, "Attention, K-mart shoppers."
Survivor for Alabamans
With the overwhelming response to the CBS hit "Survivor", Alabamans have made their own version.
Contestants are given a pink car to drive from Dothan, to Birmingham, on to Decatur, and back to Dothan. On each car is a bumper sticker that says, "I'm gay, I'm a yankee, and I'm here to steal your guns!" First one back wins.
You Might Be A Redneck If... Star Spangled
You might be a redneck if you think the last words of the ''Star Spangled Banner'' are ''Gentlemen! Start your engines!''
Shoot The Pig
A farmhand is driving 'round the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling — what should I do?''
"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush."
The farm worker agrees and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."
"So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped.
"The blue light on his bike is still flashing!"