Let it pass or not let it pass...

[Clutch]

Well here is the deal. You all know about my girlfriend breaking up with me. Its been a month today actually. Every day for the past month all I can think about is her. I can be doing something and have my mind off her and as soon as I'm alone or I hear certain songs I'm just back in the gutter. I called her about a week ago just to see how she was doing and she said she was okay, but I didnt have long to talk because I was at work.

Wednesday is her birthday, and I'm wondering if I should send her some flowers at her work or just let the day pass and not do anything. About 98% of me wants to do it, just to let her know I still care and think about her but then the other 2% of me says no, just let it pass and try to get over her. There is always a part of me that thinks we will get back together, but usually it never happens that way.

[Thrax]

I'd say wish her a happy birthday if you see her, but people break up for a reason, sir, and getting back together only helps to rekindle those reasons and douse all the fuzzy memories we carry with us after a while. We just gloss over the reasons why we broke up after a time, and start smiling at all the things that were good. Our brains are programmed to forget bad things, and even if there was nothing bad for you per se, apparently there was for her.

Let it pass, my friend. Let it pass.

[LawnMM]

Dude, breakups suck. Always have, always will. Its tough but you really need to let it go. All your desires to wish her a happy birthday or send her flowers, its just some part of you trying to reach out and make things the way they were before. If you want to make a clean break and move on in a timely and healthy manner...you need to do just that, make a clean break. Don't call her, don't send her flowers, start distancing yourself from the memories and feelings.

How long were you with this girl?

[Clutch]

Together for 4 months give or take a few days. I take my nephew to daycare every weekday and she is the teacher of his class, so no matter what I do to try to distance myself away from her I have to see her every morning. And every morning I think about how things used to be, and it totally sucks.

[profdlp]

As long as she knows that you will be there to jump right back into the relationship should she say the word, she has no real incentive to change the situation. To put it another way, she knows that she can wait it out and see if something better (in her judgement) comes along, secure in the knowledge that she always has you to fall back on.

Throw the ball back in her court by making a clean break. Be polite when you see her, but also be very businesslike. Don't do anything to give her reason to believe that you'll instantly leap at an opportunity to rekindle the relationship.

If she has any doubts in her mind about her decision, this will force her to confront them and reevaluate her position. If she doesn't, you'll probably pick up on this very quickly and at least won't keep stringing yourself along hoping for a change of attititude on her part.

I'm with Thrax; wish her a happy birthday and leave it at that.

[GnomeWizardd]

dude let me tell you some thing LET IT PASS. Some might recall my ex crystal dumped me after 9 months it was hell for 2 months i dragged and was upset. Now just over 1 year later I am engaged and getting married to the woman of my dreams. I thought crystal was the best but not compared to Jacinda OMG man let it pass

[Clutch]

wow prof I had to read your post two times it was pretty much spot on as I can tell. Come Wednesday if she is at work, I'll just say happy birthday and then leave. I think my biggest fear is change really. Like I'm afraid that I won't find someone else, even if right now I feel like I don't want to.

[Leonardo]

Get a life!

...and I mean that in a respectful sense, my friend. You can't move on if you keep what-iffing this situation to death. I wouldn't bother posting here if I didn't care and if I hadn't been through the same thing before myself. There are millions of other women in the world, probably thousands of whom would be just as compatible or more than the woman you no longer have a relationship with.

Get over it! Move on. You can't make progress if you are still grasping for a link with your 'ex.

[airbornflght]

Not to be blunt, concise, and to the point, but I would just find someone else, if she left you, then she must not care about you, or she thinks she can do better one or the other. There are billions of women (literally) in this world of ours, not all of them are pretty, but there is one that will truly love you, and you just gotta find her.

I've broken up before, and I know that it isnt the most pleasent experience you will ever go through, but if you spend your life saying what if, you will miss all the other experiences that you would have had if you hadn't be moping in the past. I will leave you with a quote.


What's done has already been done, what's done should be left alone, if you don't, you will miss what is to be done

[LIN]

I'm with Thrax; wish her a happy birthday and leave it at that.
i tend to agree.. unless you feel that would only bring on an awkward pause of silence (if that makes any sense..)


LIN

[Clutch]

I guesss I will save myself like $25 on flowers if anything, hehe. SM members haven't lead me wrong in the past, which is why I still come to you guys for advice, if not I would be lost, lol.

[Nomad]

Let it pass. I had a relationship end in an awful manner this year and my best advice to you is to be around friends and go out and involve yourself with stuff. If she doesn't care about you that way anymore, than you shouldn't be worrying about anything. Easier said than done, but break-ups are an entire mindset you have to break.

[Gargoyle]

As long as she knows that you will be there to jump right back into the relationship should she say the word, she has no real incentive to change the situation. To put it another way, she knows that she can wait it out and see if something better (in her judgement) comes along, secure in the knowledge that she always has you to fall back on.

Throw the ball back in her court by making a clean break. Be polite when you see her, but also be very businesslike. Don't do anything to give her reason to believe that you'll instantly leap at an opportunity to rekindle the relationship.

If she has any doubts in her mind about her decision, this will force her to confront them and reevaluate her position. If she doesn't, you'll probably pick up on this very quickly and at least won't keep stringing yourself along hoping for a change of attititude on her part.

I'm with Thrax; wish her a happy birthday and leave it at that.

Well said, my friend. :thumbsup:

[Animal]

send her a card, it shows you care but not so much that you are going to spend money on her.

[jradmin]

My advice is that if you see her, smile lightly at her and wish her a happy birthday then leave. Just be cool about it, and I guarentee that you'll feel 100% better then if you come off as trying to salvage something thats not going to happen.

Let her know that you've moved on.

[Clutch]

Well I called her yesterday and got her voicemail. I wished her a happy birthday. She didn't call me back yesterday, I wasn't really expecting her to anyway. But she said thanks this morning when I dropped my nephew off. So I'm gonna have to suck it up and get on with ****.