Opinions for Girlfriend->Fiance status

[Mr TRiot]

I plan on proposing to my girlfriend of almost 9 months (it will be on Nov 7th)....I'm only 18...and i've had alot of relationships...but nothing like this....we read each other like books, and we get over the bad times like nothing ever happened...though EVERYTHING...near death, joy and everything in between


Opinions/suggestions?

(p.s. I made my girl turn away while I was writting this since I figured computer genius's would have an idea/suggestions on how I should do it)

[QCH]

Asking computer genius's about love.... good one :D

All I can say... Get through at least one year... Make sure you've both talked about kids, religion, where to live, expectations with marriage. Also... college, what happens if you cannot go to the same college, you ARE going to college, right?

18 is young but if you guys talk about those things, it is a good start.

[Mr TRiot]

lol, who better to ask then computer gods? :P
college isn't the main priority right now...investing is...while working on getting my last few credits of highschool...

and we have talked about all this...and I think the time is now...:-)

[airbornflght]

Trust me, GO TO COLLEGE!!

I am only 17, but I know people from my age clear up to 45 that thought college 'wasn't important' and the only thing they can tell me (especially the older ones) is that they wish they would have went to college, and they tell me that if I do anything, graduate from college.

[Mr TRiot]

I plan on going to college...

school's no the subject here :P
it's the transition from girlfriend, to fiance

[MrBill]

lol, who better to ask then computer gods? :P
college isn't the main priority right now...investing is...while working on getting my last few credits of highschool...

and we have talked about all this...and I think the time is now...:-)If college isn't important to you now, it may never be. You get married, have a kid or two and all you worry about is working to keep a roof over their heads and food in their mouths. ;)

I'm not saying you have to go to college to make a decent living, but in today's world it can/does make a difference. If you plan to go to college, it's probably best to go BEFORE you get deeply involved with "life".

I got married at 19, my wife was 18. It can work as we will celebrate our 25th anniversary next year.

[profdlp]

My advice would be for both of you to wait until after college. If you can't stay together through the changes which you're both going to undergo during that time, you're not going to stay married very long, either. If you'd like to become engaged as a sign of your commitment, fine. But don't go rushing to the altar anytime soon. :)

It sounds like you're mainly asking for advice on how to propose. Is that correct? :wave:

EDIT: Nicely put, MrBill. :cheers:

[Mr TRiot]

If college isn't important to you now, it may never be. You get married, have a kid or two and all you worry about is working to keep a roof over their heads and food in their mouths. ;)

I'm not saying you have to go to college to make a decent living, but in today's world it can/does make a difference. If you plan to go to college, it's probably best to go BEFORE you get deeply involved with "life".

I got married at 19, my wife was 18. It can work as we will celebrate our 25th anniversary next year.

Happy silver aniversary!

and about college..it's not my main focus right now, since for the time being I need to get my last highschool credits...I plan on dipping a bit into investing for the time being, then after I secure some $$ I'll focus more on that great question...."what's next?"

And ya...I was asking on ideas for proposing...I already asked her Dad if it was alright and he was extatic, same with her mom and my grandma....everyone was happy except my mom...she was kinda pissed...but that's prob just because I have another women in my life....a rival...lol....women :hair:

[Mr TRiot]

oh, and just to clarify....we've been living together for 8 1/2 months

[Jengo]

dude, college isnt what everyone thinks it is... seriously.. college doesnt bring happiness.

There is happiness without college, some people think its a life changer, and a lot of people thought it was just a waste of time. It all depends on what truely makes you happy, if having a lot of money makes you happy then yeah college is something maybe you would want to look into. But, if you arent very materialistic and and want the simple life, a decent car, a decent home and stuff like that then college really wouldnt bring you happiness.

Personally, Right now i am in college and i am double thinking it, cause... college really.. i dunno.. i dont want a lot of money, and i dont want fancy cars, i just want a simple home, a decent car and enough money to get my family what it needs. And thats about it, my girlfriend right now, thats all she wants too, and i am actually getting pretty serious with her... i dunno... i just have seen a lot of people with a lot of money, and it really didnt improve their life happiness. Isnt that what everyone wants? Happiness?

Personally (for me) Money doesnt bring me leaps and bounds of happiness. but thats just me, and im not materialistic at all... i just need my PC lololol. maybe its cause i was raised in a poor home...

anyway, this is just my point of view, and i am on the phone, and i just woke up, so some of this may not make sense...

[Thrax]

Take it from me, a person who could only afford one year of school:

GO TO COLLEGE. DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT GET MARRIED, DO NOT COLLECT WELFARE.

[Nosferatu]

I agree with others in this thread. Do not get married at such a young age. Sure, there are couples who make it like MrBill and that is awesome. However, there is a disproportionately high percentage of young couples that don't. It gets even worse if you get married before going to (and finishing) college. Low interest in school is a known factor driving the decision of many young couples to get married. Don't go down that path, you are only setting yourself up for marital and economic problems in the future. What is the rush? If you two are committed to each other you shouldn't need to "seal the deal" with marriage this early in your lives. You could continue living together for at least 2 years to get a better idea. However, it should be noted that statistics show that cohabiting with your future-spouse before marriage actually increases the likelihood of divorce, the exception being if you've never had sex. On the other hand, it also gives you an opportunity to learn more about each other and yourselves. Many couples find it hard to transition from the cohabitation roles into the marriage roles. They do not expect the dynamics of the relationship to change as drastically as they sometimes do after the couple is married.

Go to college and encourage her to do the same. You will be so much better off getting married after you both have a college education. With a 4-year degree you will be able to make good money right out of college. If you both have a 4-year degree, that dual-income will go a long way towards your future marriage success. Financial issues are a very common cause of marital strain, unfortunately often leading to divorce. An added benefit of going to college is you will learn a vast amount about yourself and your relationships. I learned more during my first semester at university than I did throughout my entire high school career. There are many courses you will be able to take in sociology, psychology, communication, interpersonal relationships, etc. that will provide you will extremely valuable insight and knowledge that you can apply to your life.

Give yourself and your marriage every advantage beforehand. When you get married so young and without an college education you are stacking the cards against your marriage.

[Leonardo]

Opinions/suggestions? Wait at least three or four more years. 18 year is just TOO young. You may both be caring, selfless, and loving, but trust me, you will both change MUCH in the next few years, whether you want to or not.

[metomeya]

If its true love it can wait, don't rush in to getting married, but you can propose and put it off by a few years, I've known people who have done that.

[Nosferatu]

dude, college isnt what everyone thinks it is... seriously.. college doesnt bring happiness.

There is happiness without college, some people think its a life changer, and a lot of people thought it was just a waste of time. It all depends on what truely makes you happy, if having a lot of money makes you happy then yeah college is something maybe you would want to look into. But, if you arent very materialistic and and want the simple life, a decent car, a decent home and stuff like that then college really wouldnt bring you happiness.

Personally, Right now i am in college and i am double thinking it, cause... college really.. i dunno.. i dont want a lot of money, and i dont want fancy cars, i just want a simple home, a decent car and enough money to get my family what it needs. And thats about it, my girlfriend right now, thats all she wants too, and i am actually getting pretty serious with her... i dunno... i just have seen a lot of people with a lot of money, and it really didnt improve their life happiness. Isnt that what everyone wants? Happiness?

Personally (for me) Money doesnt bring me leaps and bounds of happiness. but thats just me, and im not materialistic at all... i just need my PC lololol. maybe its cause i was raised in a poor home...

anyway, this is just my point of view, and i am on the phone, and i just woke up, so some of this may not make sense...

What you are talking about wanting is what a 4-year degree gets you. A high-school education gets you far less in today's world. Even if you don't like college, follow it through to graduation, or better yet change your major to something you do like. College always pays for itself and then some. If you are struggling to get by financially due to a lack of education, how can you be happy? Yes, I agree that relationships and love are far more important in life than money. However, without adequate money for daily living expenses, car payments, insurance and maintenance, home mortgage, and possibly kids then relationships and happiness are much more difficult to maintain. If you are even considering having children, that alone makes staying in college and getting a degree a necessity. You will have an unbelievably hard time raising children on a high-school educated salary.

[Clutch]

Give it a few more months or close to a year. Even if you guys move in together that will give you a better idea of how she is ALL the time. I'm not saying that she is going to be different but best to get everything out in the open. Most of the couple I went to school with who were pretty heavy all broke up and those were the ones who you would think would get married.

[QCH]

Jengo and Mr TRiot… From CNNMoney (http://money.cnn.com/2006/10/25/pf/college/census_degree/index.htm)dated Oct. 26, 2006…

Average salary for high school diploma = $28,645 (average… you’ll start much lower and that’s not considering taxes so take home is probably around $24,400).

Average salary for 4-year college diploma = $51,554

2004 Health and Human Services Poverty Guidelines (http://aspe.hhs.gov/poverty/04poverty.shtml)… A salary of $ 9,310 after taxes for an individual puts them at the poverty level.

So… without a trade or degree, you’ll probably start closer to the lower end and work you way up to the average of $28,645. That will probably take you years to get to $14.00 an hour ($29,000). In State of Washington, the minimum wage is $7.63 an hour…. if you work full-time (40 hours) that is $15,900 a year. Now remember, that number is all BEFORE taxes. The average tax rate (State, Federal, local, gas, communication, sales….) is over 15% but we’ll use that…. $15,900 becomes $13,500. That’s only $4,100 above the poverty level.

OK… a “decent” used car is probably at least $2,000. Average fuel cost for a vehicle that get’s 25 miles/ gallon… Say, 10,000 miles a year (less than 200 miles a week) at $2.00 a gallon… $8,000. Insurance, oil changes… another $600. Now… Rent… According to Portland Independent Media Center (http://portland.indymedia.org/en/2004/12/306644.shtml), … the typical worker must earn at least $15.37 an hour to pay rent and utilities, the National Low Income Housing Coalition said in its annual ``Out of Reach'' report… In Oregon, the typical two-bedroom unit rents for $670 a month. That means workers must earn $12.89 an hour to cover rent and utilities without spending more than 30 percent of their income on housing. OK… so far. $27,000 ($13,500 for each of you) - $17,200 (car expenses assuming both of you have a car) - $8,000 (rent & expenses)… that leaves $1,800. Still need food, cloths, medicine, deodorant, female products…. Do that on less than $150 a month. The first 3 or 4 years, you’ll get small raises and slowly gain assuming you never get sick, never have the car need major work... Don't plan on kids either. Oh... and you plan on working until the day you die, because the odds of having enough cash to put away for retirement are small.... Oh, and every year, more "kids" are getting college degrees so you'll be forced to do lower wage jobs and have more and more difficulties breaking out of the mud. Good luck enjoying you job... odds are you'll find no mental stimulation either.

Define "decent".... Define "Happy".... I know that 90% of my parents fights and me and my wife's fights are about money. A high school degree may not doom you to a life of poverty, but the odds are really stacked against you. A college degree doesn't mean you'll be rich. It will allow you to have a car that is less than 5 years old and run smoothly. It will give you a chance at owning a home. You can a have a family and not be on welfare. You can plan on seeing a real retirement date...

College is almost not an option these days. If you have a good head on your shoulders, college will open doors and you'll learn to learn. That is more really more important that the degree.

[airbornflght]

Yeh,

My dad went to college for one year but had to drop out because he couldn't afford to go anymore. Even though my grand-dad was a petroleum engineer and lawyer, so he could have afforded to put my dad through college, though he thought that he paid his way through college, so his son can pay his own way through college. Well, he couldnt.

My dad works at Enid Concrete, where he has finally got the possition of 'yard-manager/foreman' after ~25 years of working there. He doesn't get paid very much but we live a comfortable life. Mainly due to my parents ability to manage there money incredibly well. My dad gets paid around $36k a year, and we just get by. But we own our house and vehicles, so its not all that bad, but like I said, my parents manage there money well, which boils down to us doing without some things.

I want to get through college, and land a good job with good pay and good insurance so that when I have a family and kids I don't have to worry about affording the simple things that make life more enjoyable. Though I would enjoy being filthy rich and be able to afford what ever toy I wanted, I want to just get a job that pays enough for me to live a 'comfortable' life. Where you dont have to worry about if you are going to be able to pay all of your bills; or the house payment.

[RWB]

I don't have much to add but that I am almost 24 and the thought of having been married at 18 is purely nuts. I _was_ making enough at that age that if I had a wife that also had her own job we would be able to support a family.

But damn things change quick with new bosses, and lay offs. Went to college, got a degree, have yet to use it in 2 years, striving to pay off $50K in debt, and still driving the same old truck I had when I was 16(but I love my truck). And I have 2 roommates, about to loose both and live on my own. God knows if I'll be able to make it.

Moral of the story is... sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. Good luck with whatever decision you make.

Hell, I can't even afford a girlfriend right now.:p

[Winga]

Aaahh to be 18 and in love....

Some excellent suggestions have already been made by the oldies in the thread. Let me add mine..... DON'T rush into getting married. Your ideas about life, goals, values, money and many other things will change over the next few years as you mature. The two of you will be very different people within a few years from now.
Marriage is a lifelong commitment and there is no need to rush into it. No matter how much you are in love. You mentioned you have been living together for almost 9 months. Why change that now? Take a bit more time to get to know each other.
Also ask yourself... who knows you better than your mother and why was she pissed by your proposal? Apart from the reasons you gave of course :vimp:

Personally, I do not think college is a must although some form of higher learning is essential for the job or business you decide to undertake.
Work on getting a good job and being good at it. Once you established in your career, getting married and starting a family is so much easier.

I was 26 when I got married. 15 years later we still happily married and we never fight about money. We don't need to. I made sure I was pretty well established before taking that step.
Remember, you can't live on love alone :)

[Jengo]

QCH, your arguments are extremely strong, albeit you broke everything down plain and simple.

One thing though, here in washington the only jobs that pay minimum around here are mcdonalds and walmart, places like that. Almost every job around here pays at least 9 to 11 dollars an hour. The Job market around here is wonderful.

Yes, QCH thank you, you have opened my eyes to the difficulties i may face if i decide not to finish college, and i now will consider those things.

[QCH]

No Problem... I forgot to mention one more thing... It's a pride thing too... Both my parents have Master's degrees. I want to live up to what they have. Specially since I work for the government and my education is almost free.

I also get a sense of accomplishment. It is comfortable knowing that I have attained more than 90% of the US populace. Not necessarily as smart, mind you. ;)

No one can every take an education away from you.... you'll always have that degree... It's easier when young than older. I just hate to see "kids" turned off with college. I really fear their future without some more advanced education.

[LawnMM]

Wait...

You are too young to be making such a monumental decision. Thats not a knock, its just reality. You don't have the life experience yet to have a prayer at this lasting...don't contribute to the already high divorce rate.

You haven't even been together for a year, you're both in your teens, you haven't stayed together through you both potentially going to different colleges, you've NEVER lived together and trust me thats a big one.

Stay together through college, you can still see eachother exclusively and all that it just won't be a paper marriage. Wait till you've both finished school, have found a stable job, have lived together for at least a year, and have managed to put a period of several years under your collective belts before you decide if its going to be a forever type of deal.

Love is a great thing, but its also blind...or at least impaired...as some of the hype wears off you'll start to see things you never noticed before and those little things have a funny way of becoming BIG things that you can't live with past the honeymoon stage of the relationship.

[NYCDrew]

First of all, 9 months is too early to get engaged. You don't really get to know the other person until over a year. Until then you're both acting. You may not think you are, but neither of you is revealing all of your true selves yet.

Secondly, if you're both in love, where's the fire? Why the hurry to be engaged? Just enjoy being in each other's company and continuing to get to know each other. If it's meant to be, you have the rest of your lives to get engaged and get married.

[shwaip]

Tell her that you're pregnant, and you refuse to be an unwed teenage father.

Or just listen to the advice above.

[Mt_Goat]

I ask;

Is it love or infatuation?

The only real way to tell is through the test of time and trials of life in general. I speak from many years of experience as well as 2 wives I loved who did not pass the test of time. Hell, one lasted 22 years before she devolved into a different person. Wait, my young Padiwan! Wait! It will all become clear as time passes. ///Master Yoda retires to his cave now.\\\

[QCH]

At the age of 21, I met my current wife... 3 months later my mom died suddenly just a few days before Thanksgiving. Talk about killing the holidays. My, then girlfriend, was there for me throughout the entire process. I know I probably wasn't the most pleasant person to be around for months (some would say I still am :) ). But I realized that she was probably the one even before my mom died. What we did was talk about the real issues that a couple need to get out in the open. We decided not to make any rash decisions. We dated for over a year... All the major holidays and the family gatherings. 18 months after starting to date her, I proposed to her. We started saving for a house. We bought one, moved in together and married the following year. From the first date to the actual wedding... 2 and an half years.

We're still married (almost 9 years) and have a beautiful two year old girl (and a 15 year old step daughter). All in the planning....

[GHoosdum]

I will say that I agree 100% with the advice that Mt_Goat and QCH are giving. I would wait. Even if you decide to propose now, spend a year or more as an engaged couple, to make sure that there are no bumps in the road. The last thing that you want is for her to suddenly surprise you ten years from now by telling you that she's grown apart from you, or that she doesn't feel into the marraige like she used to... since you are both so young now, that is more likely to happen if you do rush into things.

[maxclark]

i think that alot of good advice has been given by everyone...and i totally agree with them...i think that waiting is perhaps a good idea since 18 does sound abit young...spend some more time with her...and college is a good idea too, if you ask me...but in the end it is totally your choice...the people at SM can only help you by giving advice based on their assumptions and personal experiences, which in reality is mostly very true and wisely spoken...hope the advice you have heard helps you out...take care!