You might be a ricer if... [Archive]

View Full Version : You might be a ricer if...

Geeky1

2 Nov 2003, 7:40am

Note: A few of you may find some of the language in here a bit offensive. I assure you that it is significantly cleaner than anything you would hear while walking around a normal high school campus. However, you have been warned.

<ul>

<li>You have more exhaust decibels than your engine has
horsepower.</li>
<li>You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear
wheels.</li>
<li>Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.</li>
<li>17" rims up front, 13" out
back on your FWD.</li>
<li>You ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your
car.</li>
<li>You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in
order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual
transmission</li>
<li>DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking
for.</li>
<li>Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO
steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.</li>
<li>A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your
custom paint scheme.</li>
<li>Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install
the tire / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well
going in from the side. </li>
<li>The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service
under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...</li>
<li>Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more
than 1".</li>
<li>Your paint job is from the WRONG end of the color spectrum.</li>
<li>You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get
them to stick out past the fender.</li>
<li>You see cars like yours in a Shriner's Parade for Children
and clowns are driving them.</li>
<li>You bring an empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to
compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.</li>
<li>Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a "SPYDER" emblem on
the rear... </li>
<li>Your sum knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative
camber, the better the handling." </li>
<li>You push your car through the staging lanes.  That way,
maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs. </li>
<li>You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of
aftermarket ground effects, neon and stereo yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear
seat for weight savings. </li>
<li>Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third mount brake
light...</li>
<li>The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod
work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.</li>
<li>You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground.
Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!</li>
<li>You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a
parking lot. </li>
<li>You install clear corner and brake lights. </li>
<li>You install colored bulbs in your aftermarket clear lenses.</li>
<li>You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted
it on the first speed bump you went over.</li>
<li>You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match</li>
<li>If your rear spoiler is taller then you are.</li>
<li>You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!</li>
<li>If your tailpipe extension is the most expensive mod
you’ve done to your engine yet.</li>
<li>Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race
and you went three tenths of a second faster due to weight savings. </li>
<li>EVERY car in your class has a turbo pushing double digits
worth of boost.</li>
<li>You spent $5,000 on the engine and you can not out run a
stock Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang</li>
<li>You want the 'wastegate' sound, but don't want to install a
turbocharger system.</li>
<li>You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in
the same performance league as the Chevy Corvette. </li>
<li>The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in
the 1/4mile.</li>
<li>If the 1970 Plymouth Daytona Superbird has a smaller spoiler
than your car does.</li>
<li>You think the Del Sol is a sports car...</li>
<li>A torque converter does NOTHING for your car.</li>
<li>You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance</li>
<li>If you think that horsepower is far more important than
torque</li>
<li>If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has
given you more than 5 HP. </li>
<li>If you have ever considered installing more than one set of
fog / driving lights.</li>
<li>If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you
just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your E/T.</li>
<li>Your baseball cap is always on backwards when
you drive (the first sign of mental retardation, wearing your clothes backwards... BE).</li>
<li>You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company
that makes a turbocharger system for your Hyundai...</li>
<li>If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP
of the door / window frame.</li>
<li>If you think the Fugees are 'speed' music.</li>
<li>MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast. </li>
<li>Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.</li>
<li>Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for
each cylinder!")</li>
<li>The color of your interior upholstery hurts the cones and
rods in other people's eyes.</li>
<li>If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects
create a plow effect.</li>
<li>If you have installed driving lights to compensate for
headlight blackouts / tape. </li>
<li>If you think that 180 horsepower and 185 lb/ft of torque are
impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine.</li>
<li>If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not
point out if asked where those parts are installed. </li>
<li>You think pushrods are a bad thing…</li>
<li>Your car has more decals than you do the quarter in seconds.</li>
<li>Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your
1978 Accord was either a V-Tec or a TYPE-R.</li>
<li>You took your rear seat out and gutted your interior for
weight savings but you installed 400 pounds of electronics, neon, DVD, Sony, etc.</li>
<li>If you gutted the interior to save weight on a car that you
will never take to the track…</li>
<li>You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that
everytime you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.</li>
<li>You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim
runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.</li>
<li>If you can estimate that your car makes more than 250 HP
without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.</li>
<li>You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine. </li>
<li>If you have ever thought Hyundai and "performance"
went hand in hand</li>
<li>If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and
asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter... </li>
<li>If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R"
stickers to your Sonata… </li>
<li>If you've removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your
springs by cutting them yourself ... </li>
<li>If you have more neon lights on your car than a strip club...</li>
<li>You put Kanji on your Ford ZX2, Ford Probe, or Mercury Cougar
...</li>
<li>You own a "TYPE-R" Hyundai or Mazda.</li>
<li>You couldn't afford headlight masking, so you just painted
them with flat black Krylon and it's peeling.  Badly.</li>
<li>You claim that polishing your intake gave you 5hp.</li>
<li>You own a V-TEC Hyundai or Mazda (especially a V-TEC rotary
engined Mazda RX-7)</li>
<li>You have neon INSIDE your car or in your ENGINE compartment</li>
<li>You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior
in performance to V8s.</li>
<li>If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at
WOT.</li>
<li>You think yellow plastic interior trim makes your car cool </li>
<li>You spend $500 for a giant hand welded tube for a muffler
with the weld marks extremely visible </li>
<li>If you paint your drum brakes to simulate Hi-po calipers</li>
<li>If you install fake hi-po caliper / disc simulators </li>
<li>You have a front wing. </li>
<li>If you lower your car and add ground effects but retain the
stock 14inch wheels with disc style wheel covers </li>
<li>If you equate the sound of performance with the sound of a
Weed Eater™ </li>
<li>If you think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate
dual exhaust is cool </li>
<li>If you think colored head lights work better </li>
<li>Clear tail lights and turn signals. They’re colored for
a REASON!</li>
<li>If you take mom's 4 door Honda accord and do any kind of mod
to it </li>
<li>You drive a Ford Escort station wagon with Kanji, wide tires,
and Limp Bizkit stickers on the rear hatch</li>
<li>You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in
the car. </li>
<li>You claim how if you went from a roll you would have beat
him. </li>
<li>You claim you lost because you missed a shift... and your car
is an automatic. </li>
<li>You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice.. </li>
<li>Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths in front of you
after they have put on their brakes.. and claim a victory. </li>
<li>after losing you flip your opponent off... rev your motor and
fail to break the wheels loose even around a corner. </li>
<li>Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your
"driving skills". </li>
<li>you are a white kid driving an import.. wear baggy pants/hat
turned around, walk with a fake limp and end every sentence with "yew know wha I'm
sayin?  Relate."</li>
<li>Your idea of aiming a handgun is raising your arm over your
head, pointing the gun away from you, and then just letting your wrist fall to the side to
where the gun is almost sideways ...</li>
<li>drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and
still live with your parents.</li>
<li>You can relate to every line of the song "Pretty Fly For
A White Guy" by the Offspring</li>
<li>you take offense when I say.. "your sister is like your
car.. small, tight and hard to get into."</li>
</ul>

  

<ul>
<li>… And the Number One reason you might be a ricer if...
(drum roll)....you are a skinny, backwards hat wearing, dog chain wallet, 2 ft wide pants
leg, Limp Bizkit looking white boy *** with a badly applied peroxide hair color treatment
!</li>
</ul>

<a href="tales_from_the_driver.html"><big>BACK</big></a>

TheBaron

2 Nov 2003, 7:49am

im going to have to disagree about any of these that imply actual engine work.

a couple points i disagree on

1) You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.

why is this bad if you have a FWD car with slicks? slicks on the rear wouldn't make any difference on the track...

2) If you think that 180 horsepower and 185 lb/ft of torque are impressive for a �mildly� modified engine.

this DEFINITELY depends on the engine!

other than that, i totally agree

mcwc

2 Nov 2003, 8:00am

I'll take the "inferior V8 powered" Camaro, thank you very much.

Oh, this sums it up very well :D.

Geeky1

2 Nov 2003, 8:11am

TheBaron, I agree to an extent. I know a guy that has a 210HP CRX (that's front wheel horsepower as I recall, too). This is actual, dyno-proven horsepower, too. Guess what? It has no wings, giant wheels, clear taillights, or anything like that, and it still runs 12s/13s... :d

Geeky1

2 Nov 2003, 8:15am

Take a look at this site:
http://www.goingfaster.com/spo/tales_from_the_driver.html

Some of the funniest stories I've seen. Like a 15yr old with a "9 second" V6 Blazer that has a custom dual exhaust system that he and his friend put on. It burns rubber in 4wd all the way thru the 1/4, too. *cough*Bullsh!t*cough* (the poor idiot lost to the author's Grand Prix GTP, which isn't slow, but isn't exactly incredibly fast, either). Idiot.

TheBaron

2 Nov 2003, 8:18am

i am not at all supporting body mods. but by my definition of rice, there are some domestic cars that fall into the same category. when i see a dodge with a body kit, its just as stupid as a civic with a body kit, albeit less common. over the course of next summer i'm putting money down on an H22A swap for my EG 94 Civic hatch, which'll give me roughly 160 at the wheels and put me into low 14's. as far as i'm concerned, that isn't bad... especially considering i do NOT plan on buying a fart pipe or any kind of external mod whatsoever. if anything, it might be made louder by a CAI, and for exhaust i'd REALLY like an RS*R $600 full catback.

at the same time, i'm working on finding something to ram down the throat of an 87 FWD cutlass ciera (dont ask why, i just need to know WHAT) that needs a new motor. it is THE MOST comfortable car i have EVER driven in, hands down. bench seats with 3" of padding are the ****

SimGuy

2 Nov 2003, 9:00am

http://www.cardomain.com/memberpage/436347

'87 ****lass Supreme Grey-on-Grey with a Chevy 350 and flowmaster exhaust.

Nice lookin' machine and probably motors quite well. Back in the 80's, we owned an 85' ****lass Supreme Blue-on-Blue. Loved the thing. So much space and a very very comfortable ride for 5.

LOL Hydraulic Lift-Kit on ****lass just doesn't look right :)

//Edit: **** = cu.ntlass. I've got a tendency to call it that ever since my friend blew out the 3800 MkII engine he had in his 96 ****lass Supreme LS and he had to ditch the thing in a lake before it exploded :D

Templar

2 Nov 2003, 4:41pm

drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and
still live with your parents.

Here's MY situation: Alabama law says you can't sign a legally binding contract until you're 19, compared to everywhere else, where it's 18. That includes apartment leases (Houses are useless for one person, IMO. Just get a bigger apartment). I just go ahead and save the extra $10k in mods and service fees and buy a $30k car :) With the down payment I'm considering, I'll be able to move out soon as I'm 19 and still pay for the car, easily. :P

before anyone brought up that thread I made ;D

Kwitko

2 Nov 2003, 7:42pm

I'm in love with this car (http://www.kwitko.net/files/gntt.wmv).

TheBaron

2 Nov 2003, 8:11pm

yeah i've seen that before. dont you love how the turbo's stick out the hood? :)

Geeky1

2 Nov 2003, 8:35pm

:eek:

I've always liked the Grand Nationals... and that number @ the top of the dyno looks like a ph# with a 408 area code... which would mean that the guy lives somwhere around me, if he didn't drive an insane distance to have it dynoed...

Note to self: do not race the GN with the turbos sticking out of the hood...

:D

a2jfreak

2 Nov 2003, 8:38pm

I had (still have, I guess . . . it @ my grandpa's plant being crapped on by birds) a Pontiac Fiero. That thing is so low to the ground that I DID have to drive around speed bump or go 2MPH. Any faster than 2MPH (and sometimes even @ 2MPH) I would drag bottom. Pathetic!

/me loves trucks :D

Geeky1 had this to say

<ul>You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a
parking lot.

Geeky1

2 Nov 2003, 8:52pm

There's nothing wrong with the Fiero that can't be fixed. Stock, they're godawful little cars, but you do realize that you can put a 350 in one, right?

2500lbs, 350hp.... :D

Camman

2 Nov 2003, 9:05pm

I agree that some people do make their cars look ridiculous, I'm just so tired of hearing 'rice' slung around. I'm in no way a ricer, personally I don't care cause I just have a car that gets me around, but my two best friends have muscle cars, a Firebird Formula V8 (93, 275hp stock, 6spd, and he put a lot of work into it, aluminum driveshaft, lighter flywheel, etc etc) and my other good friend has a Mustang GT 5.0, and I love both their cars, just cant afford a badass car of my own right now. But anyway, I'm just getting tired of hearing everyone say rice this rice that, who cares, just go out and beat them at the track/off the light.

/me does not condone street racing....wink.

oh and about the Fiero, I was thinking about doing a Fiero project car...still haven't decided though. I've seen 350s and Caddy Northstar V8s stuck in those things..wow... :D

Geeky1

2 Nov 2003, 9:11pm

Northstar... *shudder* (sorry, I have a somewhat irrational dislike of anything Cadillac that was made after about 1975)

Camman

2 Nov 2003, 9:14pm

Old Benz's... *shudder* (sorry, I'm just trying to get on your nerves) hehehe ;) j/k

Geeky1

2 Nov 2003, 9:21pm

:rolleyes: ;)

Naah... I can't really explain it. After the mid-70s, power output went into the toilet, and then they switched everything over to front wheel drive and started trying to "europeanize" the cars... I wish they'd just left well enough alone. While I'm not real fond of the huge barges they made in the '50s, '60s, and '70s, (just not my idea of luxury), they did what they were designed to do well. These "sports sedans" like the Catera, STS, and CTS (as well as the Lincoln LS and stuff) are awful imitations of BMWs and Mercedes. Supposedly the new CTS-V (CTS with a Z06 engine or something like that) will change that, but I'm waiting until it comes out to pass judgement on it.

a2jfreak

2 Nov 2003, 9:23pm

2500lbs? Wow, that's one heavy engine. :D
The Fiero weighs about 2lbs, give or take a pound. :)

Seriously, they are light cars. I pushed it through my grandfather's plant w/ my step-bro steering it and I probably had it up to 10-12MPH. My Fiero would have to be completely redone though. The interior is crap. The paint is crap. The engine is crap. The tranny is crap. The A/C is shot. ;D If I ever get the desire (which I doubt I will) to rebuild it and make it better than new, it would be quite a task.

Bud

4 Nov 2003, 4:20pm

come on guys imports arent bad. Ive owned a 69 chevelle, 69 rambler, and a 72 le mans converted to a gto. All had big motors and where fast but i took out a 3rd generation mazda rx-7 and that was fast as hell.

Geeky1

4 Nov 2003, 4:53pm

Oh there's nothing wrong with imports... I'd trade my Mercedes for a Twin Turbo Supra, 3rd gen. RX-7 Turbo, 300ZX Twin Turbo, or 3000GT VR-4, but my parents won't let me buy any of the above (probably because they pay for my insurance) and I don't have the money for one right now anyhow...

However, there is something very, very wrong with taking an economy car and putting huge wings, body kits, etc. on it when the stupid thing still runs 16s (or worse). I mean, it's one thing if the car is fast, but most of these riced out things are so slow that it's laughable.

Gargoyle

4 Nov 2003, 8:23pm

I get an intense feeling of disgust when I see what people will do to a poor, defenseless Civic around here. Lots of cosmetic "enhancements" (wings on front-wheel drive cars crack me up), but no mechanical enhancement. For some reason that doesn't bother me with nice-looking low-riders though. Granted, I've not seen a nice-looking one since I've moved from California, so maybe I'm just being nostalgiac.

I was about to post of list of cars up here and have you all help me out on picking one, but I've made up my mind. I *should* have the money to get a new car early next year, and I think I'm going to get a early 90s Celica. I'm looking into engine swaps/modifications currently (4a-gze, 7a-ge, 3s-gte). It will not have a wing or a fart pipe. Eventually, once it has an intercooler (:D) or some other use for a functional scoop, I'd like to get the All-Trac hood, but that's last expenditure on the list and the only bling the car will get.

I was considering a wide range of cars, from a Mercedes 190E/D to an old Volvo 122, and some other Japanese cars, but I just really dig Toyotas. After all, the Celica logo is my freakin' avatar :D

Kwitko

4 Nov 2003, 8:40pm

Gargoyle had this to say
For some reason that doesn't bother me with nice-looking low-riders though.

I don't feel that way about lowriders either, simply because the lowrider crowd doesn't pretend their cosmetic enhancements boost performance. Adding a coffee can muffler, yellow Kanji stickers, an ostentatious- and useless- wing, and an aftermarket tach are not okay if you're still running a 90HP four-banger with an automatic transmission.

a2jfreak

4 Nov 2003, 10:17pm

I loathe lowrider trucks. Trucks are meant to be lifted, not dropped.

As for cars, I don't care for the lowrider look, but I don't have the same hatred for it.

Geeky1

4 Nov 2003, 10:59pm

A2J, really? I'd actually rather lower a truck (actually, I'd rather have a car...) because I never go offroading and I'd be better served by the extra handling capabilities. However, if you take the truck offroad, then lifting it is the only way to go. I think with trucks it really depends on what you want to use them for- what they were meant to be used for (work vehicles) or as daily drivers. If it's the latter, I'd much rather lower it, as it makes it safer and it handles better. But, like I said, I have nothing against lifting them, either.

Personally, I like the classic lowriders. I do not like these things you see people driving with the dinky-ass wire wheels, the gold/chrome trim, and the hydraulics. I can't stand them. I'd much rather have a lowrider like this:

Templar

5 Nov 2003, 6:55am

Lets not start judging parts by the crap of the category. A very nice exhaust system can increase engine power, at the cost of sound of course. You're literally hearing mini explosions down a piece of pipe with a good setup. I'm referring to every part of the exhaust pipe, from the headers to the muffler, and not some bolt on catback system (which only changes from the catalytic converter, back to the muffler :o ).

If you're a hardcore wrench monkey, you'll know what these kinds of exhaust systems are. I, personally could not tell you the exact differences.

On the notion of trucks: I hate when the little S10's with the 4 cylinder trim try to act like they have something closer to a V8. They sound like crap, they go like crap, and they're so common, it gets old after a while. After all, there's only so much you can do to a truck..

mcwc

5 Nov 2003, 7:18am

I prefer to keep econo-boxes as nice daily driver and rack up the miles on that. I rather put money into a RWD car with a nice Turbo 4, I6 or V8 for a weekend car. As for trucks, they look cooler lifted than slammed.

Geeky1

5 Nov 2003, 7:21am

Templar, the problem is that the right exhaust system sounds outstanding. It's putting low-restriction mufflers and huge resonators on little more than overgrown lawnmower engines that causes the problem. Flowmaster's mufflers, for example, sound great. In fact, I may put one of their <a href="http://www.flowmastermufflers.com/cgi-bin/flowmaster/70series.html?id=kTyxPWLg">70 series dual inlet/dual outlet</a> mufflers on the 560. But the resonators they put in the huge exhaust tips that they put on these cars makes them sound awful.

Templar

5 Nov 2003, 7:41am

Geeky1 had this to say
Templar, the problem is that the right exhaust system sounds outstanding. It's putting low-restriction mufflers and huge resonators on little more than overgrown lawnmower engines that causes the problem. Flowmaster's mufflers, for example, sound great. In fact, I may put one of their <a href="http://www.flowmastermufflers.com/cgi-bin/flowmaster/70series.html?id=kTyxPWLg">70 series dual inlet/dual outlet</a> mufflers on the 560. But the resonators they put in the huge exhaust tips that they put on these cars makes them sound awful.

I agree about the lawnmower engines ;D

Geeky1

5 Nov 2003, 7:46am

Oh, I have found something even worse than a civic with a coffee can... a 6cyl mustang with flowmasters. It sounded like a go-kart or something... it was just awful. I don't know how the owner manages to show their face in public, actually.

Templar

5 Nov 2003, 5:59pm

Har

Geeky1

5 Nov 2003, 7:55pm