PDA

View Full Version : Maybe you'll recognize your paper...


DogSoldier
10 Nov 2003, 02:30pm
Actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

Even in his last years, Grand pappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

mmonnin
10 Nov 2003, 03:13pm
Some people are horrible english students.

Thrax
10 Nov 2003, 03:15pm
Worst..Analogies...Ever.

McBain
10 Nov 2003, 03:46pm
hahaha...I kinda liked this one...

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

bothered
10 Nov 2003, 03:48pm
Priceless.

bothered.

WuGgaRoO
10 Nov 2003, 04:35pm
bothered had this to say
Priceless.

bothered.
im with him...

LawnMM
10 Nov 2003, 05:24pm
"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. "

Like, for sure!

TheSmJ
10 Nov 2003, 05:53pm
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.


ROFLMAO! ;D

a2jfreak
10 Nov 2003, 05:59pm
Reminds me of this:

<b><center>Excuses Actually Received by Teachers</b></center>

1. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
2. Chris will not be in school cuz he has an acre in his side.
3. Dear School: Please accuse John from being absent on January 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and 33.
4. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.
5. George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.
6. I had to keep Billie home because she ad to go Christmas shopping because I didn't know what size she ware.
7. Irving was absent this morning because he missed his bust.
8. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
9. Lillie was absent from school because she had a going over.
10. Mary couldn't come to school because she was bothered by very close veins.
11. Maryann was absent December 11-16 because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomack. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. There must be a flu going around because father even got hot last night.
12. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired, she spent this weekend with the Marines.
13. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizacal ed.
14. Please Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diar diaher dyar - the ****s.
15. Please excuse Blanche from jim Today. She is administrating.
16. Please excuse Diana from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
17. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip.
18. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. Had a very loose vowels.
19. Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
20. Please excuse Wayne for being out yesterday because he had the fuel.
21. Please execute Johnny for being. It was his father's fault.
22. Ralph was absent yesterday because of a sore trout.

shwaip
10 Nov 2003, 06:24pm
The note i've always asked my parents to write:

Evan was absent yesterday due to quarantine.
(In my school district, the only 'legal' absensces (sp) were: ill, death in family, or quarentine)

DogSoldier
10 Nov 2003, 07:31pm
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :rockon:

LawnMM
10 Nov 2003, 09:09pm
"19. Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot."

Must live in the former soviet union...

Black Hawk
10 Nov 2003, 09:45pm
14. Please Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diar diaher dyar - the ****s.
Bahahahahaha!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D