Hello blog, been awhile.

As many of you know, I have been on a mission to lose weight down to my Army weight of 185lbs. Today I weighed in. I was 7lbs away two weeks ago, and I seriously thought I would have no problems hitting goal today, so I could move on to the next part of training. I was 3lbs short.

And while I'm not completely upset with this, it got me thinking about 'coming up short' with life.

I have a really bad habit of analyzing everything,...

fatcat

I have spent the last two days off the internet while at work to do some clear mind thinking. I have actually enjoyed this very much, and will probably continue this trend. I spend about five hours each day walking, which allows me plenty of time to think about things.

Today I spent my time thinking about where I want to be in two years. How I want to live my life. How I want to spend the time reinventing who I am.

I know many of you love "fatcat", and I promise the...

fatcat

I have lost the motivation.

I had a goal I wanted to reach the end of October. There is no way I can now.

I don't know if it was the death of a very good friend. The death of one of my dogs. Or the depression that has set back in knowing I have fallen off the wagon.

I ate like a pig this past weekend. I drank like a pirate. I smoked.

And tonight, I analyze the past two weeks, and ask myself, "Does it really matter?"

I was...

fatcat

Life is a bitch.

My roommate from the Army died in a motorcycle crash last Thursday night.

I had to put my dog down today and bury him. He had cancer and was 15.

But. I will survive.

My favorite poem is Robert Frost's, The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent...

fatcat

Today I posted 10 things on twitter throughout the day to help motivate myself towards my goal. Since I did not want these lost in twitterverse, I am posting them here as a record.

"When reinventing ones self, you must first kill thy old self. This is the hardest part, for it is all mental."


For starters: I've had something stuck in my head for over 3 months now. I don't want it there anymore. Would someone please beat it out

Second: I am buying...

fatcat

the end

This month marks what would have been the 10th anniversary of my wedding. After the divorce three years ago, I fell into a semi-don't-care attitude. I built walls around my heart to protect myself from ever being hurt again. I went out with friends, listened to local live bands and spent many nights very intoxicated. I also became very depressed.

But, I had a savior in an online community called Icrontic. I participated more on the forums, even wrote some articles...

fatcat

scattered thoughts....

I quit smoking 5 days ago, on my 32nd birthday. I had quit two times before, and was sure I had a pretty solid plan this time. Today, on the fifth day without a cigarette, I snapped.

Someone said something, a single sentence, and I snapped. I needed a cigarette now! Luckily I had been smart enough not to keep and secret stash around, for I am proud to say I still have not had one.

But I wanted one bad. And I couldn't get my mind...

fatcat

Live - Throwing Copper 1994
This was the soundtrack to senior year in highschool. I wore out two cassettes, and finally got smart to get the CD, only to have it stolen. So yes, I have bought this album 4 times. My senior year was a strange time with breaking up with my girlfriend of two years, getting my driver's license and my first vehicle, an 1985 Jeep CJ-7. From bon-fire parties in sand...

fatcat

This month, 14 years ago I entered bootcamp for the U.S. Army. I was 17 years old.

My M.O.S. was 19kilo, Armor Crewman. I was trained on the M1A1 Abrams main battle tank. I went to Fort Knox, KY for bootcamp, and that is where I stayed all 4 years of active duty.

My job during my time was to train fresh lieutenants to become tank commanders. Being a tank commander meant you knew all positions and operations of the M1 Abrams. How to be the driver, loader, gunner and...

fatcat

It all started when I called my friend Brian a fatass...

He is, well, was. I wasn't joking. But the next day for some reason I felt bad about calling him that. Why, I do not know.

I have a little thirft store on my mail route. And as I was walking towards their counter to deliver the mail, I tripped over a scale they had for sale sitting on the floor. Nothing major, small little stumble. But I looked at the scale, and decided to see how much I weighed. I hadn't stepped...

fatcat

For the love of beer, strippers, and my sanity; DON'T USE RUBBER BANDS TO BUNDLE THE MAIL YOU PUT IN A COLLECTION BOX! I have to take all of them off because the mail has to go through a sorting machine.

But I tell ya what I'm gonna do to help you remember this. Next time I find a bundle of mail with a rubber band around it, I'm gonna write down the return address, and then find your house and set it on fire. Then I'm gonna take that rubber band(s) and give them to little children....

fatcat

So, I love the Apple wired keyboard. I like the feel of it when typing. The fact that the keys are near silent, and the ultra-thin design. But, using it in Windows requires the install of Bootcamp and then using the newest Apple keyboard drivers to get all the functionality options (volume control, media player controls, cd eject). Also, the white keys get dirty quickly. So I retired the Apple keyboard back to my 17" iMac running OSX.

I really hate any keyboard that "clacks" when...

fatcat