#mostthingschanged

This is as much for me as it is for you.

May 15. This was the last time I was here. It's taken 5 months, 12 days. Seems like forever ago.

My company had announced they'd be hiring IT workers only in India from then on. This meant my career had been declared stopped, no chance for advancement from my helpdesk/systems admin position, and no chance for a higher pay grade. My boss was retired out of the IT department, his replacement meeting the new requirements of being Indian. A pregnant wife and the bills from a Master's degree looked like they would soon suffer.

I was sent to India for three weeks, the town I was in inhospitable and ravaged by an outbreak of differing strains of H1N1 three days before my departure. Upon leaving, I was taken into the heart of Mumbai in the middle of the night and not allowed to return to the airport until I paid the driver from an ATM 100x the metered rate. It was a total of US$50. This was what I was worth.

I sat at the international gate seething. What had gone wrong? Everything had seemed great, then, everything I belonged to had fallen apart. Work. Financial security and plans. Even IC felt like it had changed.

I imagined the pillars of my life tilting inward, crushing me. I felt my core grow white-hot as the anger compressed and began to crack. Staring at the dirty floor in that stinking airport, teeth grit, eyes glaring I knew this was it. The time for action.

This frustration, this anger would be my power, under my control. And control it I did. It was time to own this bitch.

Relentless, I analyzed every part of my life, utilized every resource, employed every technological means I knew how. I was going to define my own future for myself, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

I dropped everything I didn't need: playing games, hanging out here, even things I enjoyed watching on TV. Everything went into understanding everything about every aspect of my life.

When I had the knowledge I needed, I shattered my life and started over.

New job at a position that I didn't consider an option available to me, one I was looking forward to having 5-10 years from now. Moved to a great new place hundreds of miles away that's perfect for me. Restored my mindset to one of ownership and confidence. Is everything better? No. There are still serious issues to deal with, and I take them seriously. But I know they don't stand a chance, so I grin and discard the challenges as inconveniences. I know it's only a matter of time to tolerate them before their inevitable resolution.

It was hard on my own doing this, but it was something I had to do. On my own. For myself. My unavailability was going to be a side effect of this work, and I knew it. It was unfortunate, but it had to be that way.

So, hi. I'm Dan. And it's great to see you again.