How Do You Deal With A Chronic Alcoholic?

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Mr TRiot

Icrontic Posting Maniac

370 Posts

4 Apr 2009, 1:02am

How Do You Deal With A Chronic Alcoholic?

I've known my friend for almost 6 years now. He used to smoke the green stuff casually but now he's turned to alcohol. He regularly drinks 2 60oz'ers in a weekend and causes shit like most drunks. When that gets out of hand, he usually leaves with a few bruises....

This weekend was different though. My finance and I went over to his place, had 4 shots each in 3 hours and we ended up leaving because buddy tried to pull a switchblade on us, then tried to pull a b-bee rifle. Needless to say it didn't work....

I am just wondering. Petitioning to a forum full of hidden drunks. Can this relationship be redeemed? We originally stop talking because I knocked 3 of his wisdom teeth out because of him being a violent drunk, and started talking almost a year later. Yet it's the same old shit...Is it worth it?

Is there a point in me trying to be civil? or should I cut all ties like I did before?

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Snarkasm

The Photographer.

3,232 Posts

4 Apr 2009, 1:10am

Cut it. He obviously doesn't care enough to remain friends with you.

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Thrax

Cad

23,417 Posts

4 Apr 2009, 1:15am

Amscray.

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Mr TRiot

Icrontic Posting Maniac

370 Posts

4 Apr 2009, 1:17am

Quoting Snarkasm

Cut it. He obviously doesn't care enough to remain friends with you.

like I've said before. He never used to be like this...it's the alcohol that's got to him....

is he worth saving or should I count my blessing that I didn't do more?

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Snarkasm

The Photographer.

3,232 Posts

4 Apr 2009, 1:18am

Quoting Snarkasm

Cut it. He obviously doesn't care enough to remain friends with you.

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primesuspect

The Icrontic Guy

27,803 Posts

4 Apr 2009, 1:33am

Coming from a family of alcoholics, trust me on this:

You can't save an alcoholic

Family blood is not enough. Love is not enough. The only person who can save an alcoholic is themselves.

You cannot fix this; you will only get hurt in the end. If this dude is pulling weapons, you need to gtfo immediately. Nothing good will come of this. Perhaps when he wakes up in a hospital, or in jail, and realizes he's lost everything, maybe that'll be the kick in the ass he needs. There's nothing you can do about it.

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Lincoln

Snapperhead

15,966 Posts

4 Apr 2009, 1:42am

Someone pulls a weapon on you, never associate with them again. The end.

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Mr TRiot

Icrontic Posting Maniac

370 Posts

4 Apr 2009, 1:46am

Quoting primesuspect

Coming from a family of alcoholics, trust me on this:

You can't save an alcoholic

Family blood is not enough. Love is not enough. The only person who can save an alcoholic is themselves.

You cannot fix this; you will only get hurt in the end. If this dude is pulling weapons, you need to gtfo immediately. Nothing good will come of this. Perhaps when he wakes up in a hospital, or in jail, and realizes he's lost everything, maybe that'll be the kick in the ass he needs. There's nothing you can do about it.

Thanks...that's all I needed to know

I wish everyone on IRC had the same reasoning as you do.....

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Mt_Goat

Relentless Pursuit

4,920 Posts

4 Apr 2009, 1:50am

Unfortunately when people get this far the only way is down. Then they need to really hit rock bottom before they have any hope of picking themselves back up. And then it is usually not often that they recover. Cut loose and if you feel like you must keep an eye from a very distant position. But you becoming more involved will just pull you in deeper. Sorry for the bad news.

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Lincoln

Snapperhead

15,966 Posts

4 Apr 2009, 5:32am

Quoting Mr TRiot

I wish everyone on IRC had the same reasoning as you do.....

Your first mistake was using "IRC" and "reason" in the same sentence

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Thrax

Cad

23,417 Posts

4 Apr 2009, 5:35am

Your second was not listening to people who were telling you exactly what Prime said.

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_k_

deep in the bush

1,239 Posts

» Subscriber

4 Apr 2009, 7:02am

Walk away from that dude the only reason I would say would be worth while talking to him is if he contacts you while working steps in AA, Harvard Group, or other standard addiction group.

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Mr TRiot

Icrontic Posting Maniac

370 Posts

4 Apr 2009, 3:28pm

Quoting _k_

Walk away from that dude the only reason I would say would be worth while talking to him is if he contacts you while working steps in AA, Harvard Group, or other standard addiction group.

AA is just a bunch of religious crap....

Ever wondered what the 12 steps REALLY are?

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

but ya....I'm done with it. It's time for me to move on and say "It's not my problem"

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bothered

pondering and wandering along

4,548 Posts

4 Apr 2009, 3:54pm

But just in case anybody needs or is thinking of contacting AA. It is not religious and works for thousands of alcoholics like nothing else.

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Mr TRiot

Icrontic Posting Maniac

370 Posts

4 Apr 2009, 4:01pm

Check out this link

AA only works if you want it to work.

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Icrontic Posting Maniac

431 Posts

4 Apr 2009, 4:11pm

ok, number 1 there is no such thing as an alcoholic. That is just some word made up to give an excuse to someone who does not want to take control of there life. Your friend has other things going on in his life besides the alcohol. The alcohol is just an easy way to deal with his problems. If you really want to help, try to help him with what is really troubling him. Alcoholism is always secondary. Don't ever think it's a "disease". A disease doesn't make someone drive to the store, pull out there wallet, and buy alcohol. It's a want. Help him eliminate the want. That is "real" help.

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bothered

pondering and wandering along

4,548 Posts

4 Apr 2009, 4:57pm

Quoting j

ok, number 1 there is no such thing as an alcoholic. That is just some word made up to give an excuse to someone who does not want to take control of there life. Your friend has other things going on in his life besides the alcohol. The alcohol is just an easy way to deal with his problems. If you really want to help, try to help him with what is really troubling him. Alcoholism is always secondary. Don't ever think it's a "disease". A disease doesn't make someone drive to the store, pull out there wallet, and buy alcohol. It's a want. Help him eliminate the want. That is "real" help.

I have to say to anybody who thinks they may have a problem with alcohol. Do not take any notice of rubbish like the above. Seek the help of people who actually know and understand the illness of alcoholism, and there are many. There are unfortunately many others who may well have been damaged by alcoholism who may never had even had a drink themselves, their view of the illness does not represent the facts. Alcoholism is not a game, it kills thousands each year, saying there is no such thing is dangerous.

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bothered

pondering and wandering along

4,548 Posts

4 Apr 2009, 4:58pm

Quoting Mr TRiot

Check out this link

AA only works if you want it to work.

It's the only way it works. But it does work because AA is by alcoholics for alcoholics. Only an alcoholic understands another alcoholic.

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jared

Howdy Damnit

1,741 Posts

» Subscriber

4 Apr 2009, 6:15pm

Quoting j

ok, number 1 there is no such thing as an alcoholic. That is just some word made up to give an excuse to someone who does not want to take control of there life. Your friend has other things going on in his life besides the alcohol. The alcohol is just an easy way to deal with his problems. If you really want to help, try to help him with what is really troubling him. Alcoholism is always secondary. Don't ever think it's a "disease". A disease doesn't make someone drive to the store, pull out there wallet, and buy alcohol. It's a want. Help him eliminate the want. That is "real" help.

I understand your view point, but I'm calling shens on this.

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Komete

DIY Haxx0r

962 Posts

5 Apr 2009, 5:01am

Like everyone has said above, make a clean break. Why would you even consider putting your fiance in that sort of danger? Even if you left her home, by putting yourself in danger, you are putting her interests, you, in danger.

I'd have to throw my support behind AA. I have a coworker that was a severe alcoholic and it turned her life around. Of course, she was ready to make a change. She's been sober for 7 years now. She also attends weekly meetings.

Anyone that says alcoholism isn't real, I used to think the same way, needs to see an alcoholic dry out. It is an addiction and it isn't pretty. I don't subscribe to the belief that it is hereditary. I look at it like cigarettes, if you smoke enough of them often enough, you will become addicted.

You can say that people turn to alcohol to escape from other life problems, but sooner or later, the other problems will cease to be an issue and the consumption of alcohol will become the priority.

My humble 2c .

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Thrax

Cad

23,417 Posts

5 Apr 2009, 5:56am

It's not a disease and it's not hereditary, but I'll be damned if alcohol isn't an addictive substance with the right people in the right situations. You should watch an alcoholic detox some time, J. You'll shit bricks.

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MrBill

Support Our Troops

2,135 Posts

5 Apr 2009, 6:29am

Quoting primesuspect

Coming from a family of alcoholics, trust me on this:

You can't save an alcoholic

Family blood is not enough. Love is not enough. The only person who can save an alcoholic is themselves.

You cannot fix this; you will only get hurt in the end. If this dude is pulling weapons, you need to gtfo immediately. Nothing good will come of this. Perhaps when he wakes up in a hospital, or in jail, and realizes he's lost everything, maybe that'll be the kick in the ass he needs. There's nothing you can do about it.

So true. One of my brothers wrecked several cars while intoxicated. He broke his neck in one alcohol related car wreck and wore a halo bolted to his head for some time as a result. My mother nearly lost her mind trying to get him to stop drinking. He wrapped a car around a telephone pole with a .26 blood alcohol level (over 3 times the legal limit). He didn't survive that wreck.

On a positive note, another of brothers has been sober for about 3 years now. He is still a "recovering alcoholic".

Alcoholism is real. Believe it!

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edcentric

Must keep folding

2,480 Posts

5 Apr 2009, 6:56am

You take him by the balls and give it to him straight (while he is sober).
Into reahb now or I will never talk to you again, period.

It isn't worth putting yourself at risk.
bu tif he has the balls to face his issues and seek help to tackle them then you really need to stand with him. He will need you.

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Icrontic Posting Maniac

431 Posts

5 Apr 2009, 3:04pm

Quoting Thrax

It's not a disease and it's not hereditary, but I'll be damned if alcohol isn't an addictive substance with the right people in the right situations. You should watch an alcoholic detox some time, J. You'll shit bricks.

I never said it wasn't addictive, or difficult to stop. My point is it's totally self perpetuating. I tend to think the addiction is a symptom. All the programs designed to help are a good thing, but the power relies in the person to stop. By all means help them find a path to recovery, but they have to want it.

Good technical discussion.

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Jokke

Northernmost Icrontian

807 Posts

2 May 2009, 2:30am

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GnomeWizardd

<3 IC

7,301 Posts

2 May 2009, 2:46am

So true man

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SPIKE09

Game over player one

1,195 Posts

3 May 2009, 6:30pm

Wow what a change from when he was drinking, He used to be the wild man of the UK standup comedy circuit as his alter-ego Bing Hitler.

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