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The new PR rating? Intel debuts performance stars

Robert Hallock April 10, 2009 11:41 AM ET in Tech

Intel is smack dab in the middle of a process they’re touting as “aggressive brand simplification.” In addition to new logos that took effect for all their processors on April 1, the company is also adopting a system of stars to rate the performance of their processors.

Valid for a period between April 1 and September 30, the five-star system gives retail workers and their customers the ability to quickly evaluate the heart of an Intel box at a glance. A five star CPU gives you the power to “maximize your computing speed and possibilities” through “ultimate intelligence and breakthrough technologies.” Er, right.

spinspinspinspinspin

spinspinitsforcustomers!spinspinspin

Right now the chart actually looks pretty good. The Q9000 series is a few percentage points ahead of the Q8000 series. The QX9000 series does indeed stand on even ground with the fresh Core i7s, and all the proper performance points are respected on the mobile side of the equation. Honesty in marketing? Great googly moogly!

Of course we’d be remiss if we didn’t mention the fatal flaw for a system like this: What happens when Intel introduces new CPUs in 4Q09? The entire chart will be reconciled to accommodate the new SKUs, and we can’t imagine that the current champions will be permitted to keep their throne. Allowing today’s five-star processors to keep their place might give customers the dangerous thought that they’re every bit as good as tomorrow’s five-star gizmos. Five Internet dollars says margin wins over honest benchmarks.

Let us pause to also consider the interesting thing Intel is not saying with this chart: AMD chips have no stars. The introduction of Intel’s new system puts those poor blue shirts in the unfortunate position of explaining the performance merits of an AMD chip using proof that roughly equates to “the internet says it’s better.” Clever girl, Intel.

All in all, we can’t wait to hear what customers think about their five-star processor magically becoming a four-star processor when Westmere hits the ground running.

PR ratings are back, baby. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

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17 Comments:

  1. Cliff_Forster
    Keepin it real
    10 Apr '09, 1:33 pm

    I could interpret what "value and reliability" mean on this chart, but kids may be looking.

  2. Snarkasm
    The Photographer.
    10 Apr '09, 1:52 pm

    Oh Cliff, you're so cute when you go all fanboy.

  3. RyderOCZ
    OCZ Guru / IC Groupie
    10 Apr '09, 1:54 pm
    Quoting Snarkasm

    Oh Cliff, you're so cute when you go all fanboy.

    So are you

    PR ratings.. where have I heard this before?

  4. Robert Hallock
    Cad
    10 Apr '09, 1:54 pm

  5. Cliff_Forster
    Keepin it real
    10 Apr '09, 2:06 pm

    Well, its not my inner fanboy as much as its my total and utter despise for all things with the Celeron logo. That chip is fundamentally evil.

  6. Petra
    The one and only...
    10 Apr '09, 3:33 pm

    Why shuffle everything down when new CPUs are released when you can just add more stars to the rating system? ...and this CPU goes to eleven! ;-)

  7. MiracleManS
    Mediocrity Gets You Pears
    10 Apr '09, 4:08 pm

    How's that for perspective!?

  8. Buddy J
    Dept. of Propaganda
    10 Apr '09, 4:09 pm

    I like that idea.

  9. Leonardo
    F@H Reign of Terror is back!
    10 Apr '09, 5:04 pm
    PR ratings.. where have I heard this before?

    National Semiconductor/Cyrix! They just called it something else. AMD just revived the tactic a few years later, that's all. Guess it's time to dust it off again.

  10. Gargoyle
    We can't stop here...
    10 Apr '09, 6:19 pm

    I liked it better when we called things a X Mhz Pentium/Athlon.

  11. Ryan Meray | ctechsinc.com
    Guest
    10 Apr '09, 7:36 pm

    "Let us pause to also consider the interesting thing Intel is not saying with this chart: AMD chips have no stars. The introduction of Intel’s new system puts those poor blue shirts in the unfortunate position of explaining the performance merits of an AMD chip using proof that roughly equates to “the internet says it’s better.” Clever girl, Intel."

    Well, here's the thing - AMD hasn't had the performance crown since Intel dropped the C2D bomb on their heads.

    I loved AMD as much as the next gamer back in the day, but the simple fact is Intel has utterly dominated in the performance category since they stopped resting on their laurels and began letting their R&D department determine development rather than their marketers.

    AMD's great if you're on a sub $150 budget, or if you need something with a small TDP, or if you want to support the underdog and prevent Intel from being a monopoly, but man, they're getting pwned these days.

    I long for the halcyon days of Athlon XP and 64 dominance and price awesomeness, but those days are over, Intel's lame processor rating schemes notwithstanding.

  12. Robert Hallock
    Cad
    10 Apr '09, 7:48 pm

    Hi, Ryan! Thanks for posting. You and I absolutely agree on the issue that Intel has the speed crown in multiple segments (I argued as much on Mar. 19), but surely you can see that AMD has chips would fit in this structure, even if not perhaps at five stars.

    Intel's ploy is clever. Convenient for now, probably a trainwreck in the future, but clever.

  13. DrLiam
    FoxtoN
    11 Apr '09, 1:47 pm

    Anyone who is going to look at the stars for ratings will have no idea what the numbers of these processors mean. I think the whole thing is silly unless they are talking about putting stars on the desktops they come with. ie. BestBuy now has someone place starts on all the display models in stock.

  14. Snarkasm
    The Photographer.
    11 Apr '09, 2:02 pm

    That's the idea, Liam. This will be an easy way for people to gauge the performance of what's under the hood without knowing any real details. It's meant to be used with OEM or pre-built systems, not for tech heads.

  15. PatrickMoorhead
    New to the neighborhood
    13 Apr '09, 10:44 pm

    Hey, what happened to the Intel brain system?
    http://brains.intel-brains.com/

  16. Robert Hallock
    Cad
    13 Apr '09, 11:29 pm

    Oh god. That can't be serious. That's so awful.

  17. Khaos
    King Kretin
    14 Apr '09, 9:06 am

    There is something more subtle going on here, and it isn't directed specifically at AMD but rather at Intel's consumer price gouging.

    In fact, I think this marketing strategy speaks to the fact that for several years, Intel's chief competition has been themselves. Sadly.

    When you are trying to justify a price difference of +500% (Not a typo) between two products, it is easier to point to some simple stars and essentially say, "Look, this one has one star and this one has five," even when the relative performance margin is nowhere near 500% or even 50%, never mind the fact that a huge portion of all computer users could get by with a low-end dual-core processor and never know the difference.

    The unspoken line is that five stars is five times more than one. Even ignorant consumers would probably call bullshit if told that a 'five star' processor is five times better for their needs. That's the thing: nobody ever says it. Nobody even thinks critically about it except in disbelief. But subconsciously, the price-relative marketing language helps people justify spending a lot more money on performance they probably have no use for.

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