This is why you're single.

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Comments

  • midgamidga "There's so much hot dog in Rome" ~digi (> ^.(> O_o)> Icrontian
    "...my fedora, which doesn't come off my head. EVER."
  • oni_delsoni_dels Drunk French Canadian Montréal, Québec. Icrontian
    cyanide & happiness is the best. got 2 books of it in the bathroom for me and my guests to enjoy.
  • RahnalH102RahnalH102 the Green Devout, Veteran Monster Hunter, Creature Enthusiast New Mexico Icrontian
    edited December 2013
    Fedoras, OKCupid, and silliness? It's like this guy is psychic ... or there is a trend that I'm glad I don't know about.

    MAGIC
  • djmephdjmeph Detroit Icrontian
    Monogamous polyamorist? This is an interesting introspective on looking at relationships from another point of view, even if it's a committed, sexually exclusive relationship. Being that I identify as poly but I don't have multiple partners in committed relationships, I can say this is exactly what polyamory is. It's accepting that you have many relationships on many levels with many people, of all genders and orientations, with varying levels of intimacy, and boundaries that are established mutually.

    http://transmutagen.tumblr.com/post/71539481730/some-thoughts-on-trust-commitment-monogamy-and
  • djmeph said:

    ...have many relationships on many levels with many people, of all genders and orientations, with varying levels of intimacy, and boundaries that are established mutually.

    Isn't that everybody?
  • djmephdjmeph Detroit Icrontian

    djmeph said:

    ...have many relationships on many levels with many people, of all genders and orientations, with varying levels of intimacy, and boundaries that are established mutually.

    Isn't that everybody?
    Yeah, read the article. That's essentially what he's saying.
  • MAGICMAGIC Doot Doot Furniture City, Michigan Icrontian

    Fedoras, OKCupid, and silliness? It's like this guy is psychic ... or there is a trend that I'm glad I don't know about.

    Its funny because so many people here wear them.
    RahnalH102
  • I did read the blog entry, and I learned a lot about the author.
  • CantiCanti =/= smalltime http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9K18CGEeiI&feature=related Icrontian
    I saw a guy wearing this shirt one time. I thought it would be better if there was a fourth option that says, "I'm the kind of person who would wear a shirt like this."
  • mertesnmertesn I am Bobby Miller Yukon, OK Icrontian
    Canti said:

    I saw a guy wearing this shirt one time. I thought it would be better if there was a fourth option that says, "I'm the kind of person who would wear a shirt like this."

    That's just a rephrase of #3
    Ilriyas
  • djmephdjmeph Detroit Icrontian
    edited January 2014
  • RahnalH102RahnalH102 the Green Devout, Veteran Monster Hunter, Creature Enthusiast New Mexico Icrontian
    djmeph said:
    That last line.

    midgaoni_dels
  • CantiCanti =/= smalltime http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9K18CGEeiI&feature=related Icrontian
    Because I am an idiot. Fuck.
    midgadjmeph
  • SnarkasmSnarkasm Madison, WI Icrontian
    Sounds like a story!
    GnomeQueen
  • djmephdjmeph Detroit Icrontian
    You want to talk about it Canti?
  • CantiCanti =/= smalltime http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9K18CGEeiI&feature=related Icrontian
    edited April 2014
    So a series of things happened that go like this. I'm a cashier/grocery stocker/whatever they need me to do at a Wal-mart neighborhood market. About 3 months ago a new cashier was hired and a few weeks ago I noticed that she is being given responsibilities and authority on things that I have never been trusted with. This really bugs the hell out of me because I have spent more than a year proving what I'm capable of and manager duties are being given to the new girl while I'm being sent out to help push carts in the parking lot. Thinking about this I realized that I want to move up to being a customer service manager (CSM) which basically watches over everything at the front end of the store. The problem is that we are a smaller store which only has a few CSMs and I don't see any of ours leaving anytime soon. So I started looking at things and saw that my best chance at moving up is to transfer to one of the bigger stores. This sucks because I really like my store and the people I work with, it's where I want to be but not quite what I want to be doing. About 3 weeks ago while thinking over the idea of leaving my store I came to a realization. The possibility of not seeing one of my CSMs anymore felt awful and then it hit me like a punch in the stomach. The way I feel about her is something I haven't felt about anyone in 5 years. On top of that there have been numerous little interactions over the last 2 months in which, when I thought about as a whole, I realized that she has basically been screaming at me to do something for weeks and I didn't even notice. Company policy is a big nope for having relationships with your supervisors so there's another reason to consider leaving my store and I knew I had to talk to her about it. After she clocked out last Sunday afternoon I walked out with her and told her what I've been thinking. In short her response was along the lines of, there was a point when I felt the same but I've started dating someone.

    Long story short, I failed to recognize and act on what was happening until it was too late, I have fucked up.

    A good friend told me years ago to never do anything which would make you wonder what could have been and somehow I forgot that lesson. I hope that anyone reading this takes it to heart and doesn't make the same mistake I have.
    djmephardichokemidgacola
  • RahnalH102RahnalH102 the Green Devout, Veteran Monster Hunter, Creature Enthusiast New Mexico Icrontian
    edited January 2014
    Damn, that sucks big time.

    I have next to zero experience with all this so all I can really say is; learn from the mistakes (which we all make), and that IC has your back (God of the Black Flame) Canti.

    I wish I could be of more help though.
  • midgamidga "There's so much hot dog in Rome" ~digi (> ^.(> O_o)> Icrontian
    That hurts to read, man. Brings back some painful memories. I think that's a lesson you can only learn from experience, unfortunately. Look at it from the other side too, though. She was never direct with you about it, so you could never be certain. Keep in mind that what might seem like an obvious signal from you to another person might not even seem like a signal at all to them. If you want something, be direct and communicate effectively.
    RyanFodder
  • LincLinc Owner Detroit Icrontian
    Especially since it was a coworker in a situation where a relationship was not allowed, it's hard to find fault with you not following up on subtle hints. Better to miss an opportunity than to get fired or make things awkward with a supervisor because you misread something.
    GnomeQueenTushondjmeph
  • CantiCanti =/= smalltime http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9K18CGEeiI&feature=related Icrontian
    I'm going to have to disagree with the second sentence. There were things we could have done to make it work. I can't change the situation now.
  • CBCB Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Der Millionendorf- Icrontian
    There was this one time that I didn't realize a friend was romantically interested in me, and trying to get my attention, and not even really being very subtle about it, and I remained completely clueless until looking back on the events from OVER A DECADE LATER, when it suddenly became painfully and embarrassingly obvious. (Especially since it was a time in my life when I was feeling particularly lonely, and I was particularly depressed about a lack of attention from women. Who knows what other, more subtle, signals from anyone else around me were being missed just as badly.)

    There is a reason that my history of relationships contains no 'subtle' women.
    djmeph
  • d3k0yd3k0y Loveland, OH Icrontian
    edited January 2014
    I think at some point most of us have had a situation where someone was interested in us, and we were oblivious to it. I get a huge chuckle out of when I talk to some of the girls I knew back in High School. One of them tried VERY hard to get my attention and it was mountains over my head. Thinking back on it I still can't figure out how I was that unaware of what she was trying to do.
    *EDIT* Removing my raging
    djmeph
  • georgehgeorgeh Canton, MI Icrontian
    d3k0y said:

    Just because you stop being friendly toward a person once you realize they aren't interested doesn't mean you aren't a nice person. It means you are looking for someone to share time with in a more than friendly way, and if it isn't going to be them, then you are going to find someone else.

    That's someone who's up-front about wanting a romantic relationship. "You don't want to be romantically involved? That sucks, see you."

    The comic was aimed at the person who wants to be in a romantic relationship but isn't up-front about it. They pretend to be a friend in hopes of turning that into more. When that person finds out there isn't going to be anything more, they bail and show that they were never actually interested in friendship. Kind of a shitty thing to pretend to be someone's friend when you really only want to be their SO.

    Also xkcd 513
    maliadjmephTushonGnomeQueen
  • CBCB Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Der Millionendorf- Icrontian
    edited January 2014
    Some aspects of that comic are over the top. It's parody after all. But the trend that it lampoons, which is actually bad, is men, especially young men but not exclusively, who think that they have somehow 'earned' a chance at a relationship with someone, just because they've been really 'nice' all the time.

    Especially teenaged guys who aren't particularly popular in school get their panties in a bunch because none of the girls want to date 'nice' guys. but those 'nice' guys don't realize that even thinking that way is just as objectifying and dehumanizing as the behavior they think of as not 'nice'. It takes girls and turns them into a prize or reward for good behavior.

    It was a major epiphany for me as a young man when I realized I was doing this, and how terrible it is. I hope I can teach my son better.
    djmephGnomeQueen
  • d3k0yd3k0y Loveland, OH Icrontian
    edited January 2014
    I don't think I've ever been in or seen a relationship that started with a "hey, how you doing, I want to be with you romantically". I always started off with, "hey do you wanna hang out some time", and down the road asked if they wanted to be more than just friends. Though I suppose this doesn't really apply in an online-dating thread, as the whole purpose is starting a romantic relationship.
  • djmephdjmeph Detroit Icrontian
    Sorry to hear that Canti, timing is a motherfucker when it comes to love and relationships. However, I think you're focused a little too much on the fact that you didn't see her intentions all along, and maybe should focus on what caused your delay in having feelings for her. Correct me if I'm wrong here, but it sounds like you were wrapped up in work politics and didn't realize how you felt about her until you had more clearly defined your goals and ambitions for work. You put your career first. Is that a good thing? I do it all the time. I've made many sacrifices in relationships to make better decisions in my career. I'm also 33 years old and single, as my grandfather likes to remind me every time I see him. So you have to accept that your drive in your career is going to get in the way of your relationships and strike a balance, or at least accept it that you made a conscious decision to put your career first. If you want to handle the situation better next time, you could focus on recognizing the people you want to be a part of your life before it gets to that point.
    SignalCantiLeahVoice
  • djmephdjmeph Detroit Icrontian
    d3k0y said:

    I don't think I've ever been in or seen a relationship that started with a "hey, how you doing, I want to be with you romantically". I always started off with, "hey do you wanna hang out some time", and down the road asked if they wanted to be more than just friends. Though I suppose this doesn't really apply in an online-dating thread, as the whole purpose is starting a romantic relationship.

    If that's the case for you or anyone that's reading this thread, I would recommend being more upfront about our intentions with everyone you meet. There's a big difference between asking someone to hang out, and asking them on a date. Not that there is anything wrong with a friendship that moves towards a romantic relationship, but there's still a point where you need to make your intentions clear.

    In this comic, he's actually doing the right thing, at first. He's being candid when he says, let's go on a date. He's saying, I want to move this relationship towards something more than friends. But when he doesn't get the answer he wants, he gets angry and feels entitled to a "chance" just because he was nice. As CB said, it's a bit over the top, but the underlying message is great.

    You know what's sexy as hell, that turns me on A LOT? Enthusiastic consent. Not having to break a girl down to get her to go out with me. On the flip side of that, nothing kills my boner more than a girl who acts like I was her last resort. Which one do you really want?
    SignalGnomeQueen
  • primesuspectprimesuspect Beepin n' Boopin Detroit, MI Icrontian
    djmeph said:

    nothing kills my boner more than a girl who acts like I was her last resort.

    This is the absolute worst feeling.

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