Long distance relationship tips

shwaipshwaip bluffin' with my muffin
edited July 2009 in The Pub
My girlfriend will be in los alamos this summer, me in seattle.

We've already picked up webcams and have scheduled to see each other about every 4 weeks. We're in school together and are kinda used to spending just about all our free time together. So far it hasn't been to hard (all 3 non-lan days for me), but I can see it getting rough. We had a couple weeks apart at the beginning of June and it ended up sucking pretty hard.

Anyone have tips, advice, or what have you.

Comments

  • ThraxThrax Professional Shill, Watch Slut, Mumble Hivemind Drone Austin, TX
    edited July 2009
    Webcams.
    Call often.
    Write physical paper letters.
    Visit every 3-4 weeks.
    Share music, movies, skype.
    AIM is your friend.
    MMS is your friend.
    Get used to being more expressive than usual.
    Remember to build excitement for every visit by talking about what you plan to do (unf).
    Get over any insecurities you have immediately.

    Most importantly... Have faith. Believing that it will all be alright is 9/10ths of the game. LDRs fail because people spend more time fearing what could happen than thinking about what you can make happen.

    It's critical that you be communicative and expressive.
  • edited July 2009
    My wife and I were separated by 2000 miles for several months a few times early in our relationship, many years before we married. I agree with most of what thrax said, with this little exception/addition which worked well for us:

    We set a time to talk on the phone once per day, same time every day. Other than quick little emails/IMs, we only talked outside of this time if there was some kind of emergency. I honestly think this is better than people who try to talk several times every day. It gives each person space to be independent and it relieves the anxiety of them not answering the phone when you call them on a whim. You know you'll talk to them at said time, every day, with little exception. It also gives more to talk about during phone conversations.
  • primesuspectprimesuspect Beepin n' Boopin Detroit, MI
    edited July 2009
    pics of bits
  • RADARADA Apple Valley, CA
    edited July 2009
    Agree.

    Communication is paramount.

    DO NOT miss scheduled phone calls, IM or Web Cam meetings. If you cannot get to the phone, internet, etc, be truely appologetic about missing your talk time. Blowing off, indifference to missed talk time can/will lead to doubts by the other person. You have to make up for the lack of physical itimacy with more verbal and emotional itimacy.

    If you find yourself "looking" elsewhere (but not engaging), it's time to buy a bus/plane/train ticket and re-establish the physical bond between you two.


    NOTE: Break the Glass on this advice only when needed.....

    I'll be the bad guy here: BE HONEST 100% of the time!! Sometimes people drift apart after being separated. If things change between you two, be honest about it. There is nothing worse than leading someone on, when your interests have changed. Being ex-military, I know all about this 1st hand. Don't hurt someone this way, it sucks.
  • UPSLynxUPSLynx :KAPPA: Redwood City, CA
    edited July 2009
    Thrax wrote:
    Get used to being more expressive than usual.


    This. This so much.

    To the girl, it's all about communication, feeling, emotion. In person, it's typically hard enough for us guys to sit and face them and completely engage in conversation, active listening without dominating when they need to speak their peice.

    This is significantly harder to do on the phone, or more so, the internet.

    Also, seconding for writing hand written letters. It's classic, it's personal. It takes time to do, it's a good way to show you care by taking the time to craft something like that.

    Also behind what everyone else is saying about scheduled times and not missing them.

    It CAN be done. It's not easy, but if you and the GF have faith in one another, and believe you can do this, then it won't be a problem.
  • leishi85leishi85 Grand Rapids, MI
    edited July 2009
    RADA wrote:
    I'll be the bad guy here: BE HONEST 100% of the time!! Sometimes people drift apart after being separated. If things change between you two, be honest about it. There is nothing worse than leading someone on, when your interests have changed. Being ex-military, I know all about this 1st hand. Don't hurt someone this way, it sucks.


    quoted for the turth.
  • GnomeQueenGnomeQueen The Lulz Queen Mountain Dew Mouth
    edited July 2009
    RADA wrote:
    Agree.

    Communication is paramount.

    DO NOT miss scheduled phone calls, IM or Web Cam meetings. If you cannot get to the phone, internet, etc, be truely appologetic about missing your talk time. Blowing off, indifference to missed talk time can/will lead to doubts by the other person. You have to make up for the lack of physical itimacy with more verbal and emotional itimacy

    This is SUPER important.

    My ex and I were normally apart over the summers- and in fact, during one, when I went to England for a month, and then we had opposing work schedules, I only saw him twice. One problem that we had when we were apart was that my ex did miss scheduled phone calls, or wouldn't call me back for long periods of time after I called him, and had bad excuses and wasn't apologetic when I did get him on the phone. In retrospect, it was an indication of something that was wrong with us as a couple, but you should still try and avoid it.

    Also, really do what you can to visit her if you can, even if it's hard. Go the extra mile, even if she says you don't have to, and even if it sucks. If you like her enough, you will- if you don't want to, then that shows something too. :D Hope that helps!
  • SnarkasmSnarkasm Madison, WI
    edited July 2009
    It never hurts to surprise her a couple of times, too. Back in college when I had to go elsewhere in the summer to find work, I'd always find a way to sneak a trip back to Austin a couple of times to take her out for a weekend when she wasn't expecting it or sounded like she was feeling down.

    They appreciate it.
  • GrimnocGrimnoc Marion, IN
    edited July 2009
    In my opinion it really depends on the couple. I second some of mas0n's advice though. I think many people often start to place far too much weight on the fact that it is a long-distance relationship, and because of this it can have a tendency to introduce more strain than normally would occur if they weren't so worried about it being a LDR. It's why I generally tend to agree with what mas0n said as far as the setting a time once a day or whatnot to talk. In this both sides understand that they will be able to communicate but you don't have all the 'angst' that comes with not being able to answer the phone for whatever reason or even worse trying to force 'intimacy' into the relationship so much that when it does come time to talk it becomes stifled and awkward. I think relationships need time to grow and breathe naturally and trying to do too much with them under already strained circumstances is a recipe for disaster. But once again, to each his own.
  • GnomeWizarddGnomeWizardd Member 4 Life Akron, PA
    edited July 2009
    Fap often so you dont feel the NEED to get some every second of ur day!
  • GargGarg Purveyor of Lincoln Nightmares
    edited July 2009
    You two can make through the summer, given your visitation plans and the excellent communication ideas above. My LDR failed after seven months, only the last one or two were difficult enough to, well, end it. You guys have a known end time for your separation; I think that helps a lot.

    Let me know if you want some ideas for things to do around LA. It's a small town, it'd be a short list. Although I imagine you two may already have ideas for how to fill your time when you're together.
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