[BLOG] Who's right? I don't care

LincLinc OwnerDetroit Icrontian
edited November -1 in Community
Every once in a while, a new member can create some waves in a community. Or, sometimes long-time members find themselves squaring off in a particularly heated debate. There are plenty of times when a community moderator is forced to intervene, and the first step is often a private message to the instigator.

When I write a message like this, it usually centers around the tone being used. As a moderator, I'm a lot less interested in what it is you're saying than how you're saying it. No matter how much I emphasize this point though, I tend to get the same reply: "But, I'm right." No, they never phrase it that way, but that's the signal they send back. Sometimes they even say "But I'm right AND paying lip service to their perspective."

It can take several exchanges before they understand that you're not Yet Another Person to persuade about their point. It can require a copious amount of patience to repeatedly and calmly reassert your position without making yourself into a target. I hate to admit it, but sometimes it's a relief if they just flip out at you. Banning is a far, far easier task than counseling.

What I find myself saying over and over is: "I don't care about the point you're trying to make. I care about how you're making it." Sometimes people get it, and sometimes they don't. Luckily, the places I frequent are full of people who do.

Comments

  • LincLinc Owner Detroit Icrontian
    And no, this isn't somehow related to something happening now on Icrontic. :p I was having a moment of reflection from goings-on elsewhere.
  • WingaWinga Mr South Africa Icrontian
    As I mentioned to you some years back Matt, your skilz at diplomacy and the level of maturity you posses when putting the fires out belie your age.
    You must have had something or someone get under your skin a bit more than usual to want to write about it. Wouldn't stress over it. You right, around here most people get it.
  • HarudathHarudath Great Britain Icrontian
    He's played too much travian to not haz diplomacy.
  • ThraxThrax 🐌 Austin, TX Icrontian
    Keebler has no diplomacy in Travian. WUT HULK SMASH BURN THEIR SHIT.
  • SPIKE09SPIKE09 Scatland
    You do well Lincoln , I moderate a gaming clans site what a bunch of winkers and opinionated trolls, We've had in the last 5 years. :(
  • LincLinc Owner Detroit Icrontian
    Thanks, Winga. It wasn't really the severity that caused me to write, it was more that I actually needed to intervene, which doesn't happen very often these days. :)
  • LincLinc Owner Detroit Icrontian
    As I continue to deal with the situation at hand, I'm reminded of my "is there malicious intent?" litmus test. Sometimes it's harder to suss that out than you might guess and can take several exchanges to make a judgement. Some people genuinely create trouble by accident or through poor communication. Other people thrive on verbal sparring, being the center of attention, and causing disruption.

    If it comes up negative (not malicious), then it's generally worth your time and patience to continue guiding them towards more productive involvement. If it comes up positive - it's not.
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