[BLOG] It takes Time
jokerz4fun
Michigan Icrontian
I am recently single as of January. It was a 3 year relationship with plans of getting married. Like most relationships we had our share of problems and arguments. Nothing that ever got out of control or abusive. So when I got the phone call that she couldnt do this anymore and she wasnt happy it took me by surprise. I was taken back, shocked, surprised, lost, confused, hurt, you name it I was feeling it. What made it harder was I was working on the road and I just received news that my mom's ex-husband just shot and killed himself. Ah good timing gee thanks.
So I figured the best way to get over this is paint a happy face and hide it somewhere in the dark halls of my mind. For the first few days I was ok, until I started getting texts from her saying she misses me and how bad this "sucks". The feelings I thought were locked away slowly started to creep back in. Once again I tried to convince myself that Im ok and Ill be fine. I asked her to please stop sending me those texts, she was the one who wanted this and she would have to deal with it. And Just like that they stopped, it was great!!! I was finally feeling good!!!
A few weeks passed and I got a text from her. It read "Hey!!! How are you!! if your in town Id like to meet up and drop off your stuff!" My heart started to race, body started to shake, stomach started to hurt. It was as if someone opened up the vault of everything I locked away. I felt a wave of emotions I couldnt control. With shaky hands I asked if she could just leave it on the porch and go on her way. Her response seemed like it took an hour, my body was shot I couldnt think and then the phone went off again. I wanted to throw up because she wanted to see me and wouldnt take no for answer. So we set a day. It was a rainy Thursday when she came walking in my room like she always did. The conversation was short and I rushed her out. On her way back to her car she asked for a hug and told me with a smile she needed that. As she left I got another text stating she still has more of my stuff and how its her way of seeing me again. FML burn my shit I dont care at this point, Im a mess. Come on you "needed that" and you still want to see me. YOU BROKE UP WITH ME!! So I never responded and went on with my life. I deleted her out of my phone so I wouldnt be tempted to call or text. I deleted all of our photos and threw the rest out. Again I started to feel good!!! Until she text me this week asking when I want my stuff. Oh she also mentioned that shes going to Cali with her new boyfriend! You gotta be kidding me!!!!
i dont know what to say to that, so I didn't respond. And matter of fact Im not going to. At first I was floored, hurt, in tears, looking for a gun(not really). I sat here alone in my hotel room in Myrtle Beach and became a prisoner of my own mind. The negative thoughts flowed through my head and her words pounded at my soul like the waves hitting the beach. I couldn't shake this I felt lost hopeless worthless. Like my life was going no where and Ill never find someone. And then all at once I felt ok, I actually said out loud I'll be ok,,,,,,I'm fine,,,,,,,,,I'll find someone and love again. It was strange, maybe I'm going crazy. But I feel good, sure I'll have my moments but I know for the first time in a long time I'll be ok. I will survive this, Im not afraid to walk alone. I just have to be brave and rely on my friends to help me when I fall.........and always remember it just takes time.
So I figured the best way to get over this is paint a happy face and hide it somewhere in the dark halls of my mind. For the first few days I was ok, until I started getting texts from her saying she misses me and how bad this "sucks". The feelings I thought were locked away slowly started to creep back in. Once again I tried to convince myself that Im ok and Ill be fine. I asked her to please stop sending me those texts, she was the one who wanted this and she would have to deal with it. And Just like that they stopped, it was great!!! I was finally feeling good!!!
A few weeks passed and I got a text from her. It read "Hey!!! How are you!! if your in town Id like to meet up and drop off your stuff!" My heart started to race, body started to shake, stomach started to hurt. It was as if someone opened up the vault of everything I locked away. I felt a wave of emotions I couldnt control. With shaky hands I asked if she could just leave it on the porch and go on her way. Her response seemed like it took an hour, my body was shot I couldnt think and then the phone went off again. I wanted to throw up because she wanted to see me and wouldnt take no for answer. So we set a day. It was a rainy Thursday when she came walking in my room like she always did. The conversation was short and I rushed her out. On her way back to her car she asked for a hug and told me with a smile she needed that. As she left I got another text stating she still has more of my stuff and how its her way of seeing me again. FML burn my shit I dont care at this point, Im a mess. Come on you "needed that" and you still want to see me. YOU BROKE UP WITH ME!! So I never responded and went on with my life. I deleted her out of my phone so I wouldnt be tempted to call or text. I deleted all of our photos and threw the rest out. Again I started to feel good!!! Until she text me this week asking when I want my stuff. Oh she also mentioned that shes going to Cali with her new boyfriend! You gotta be kidding me!!!!
i dont know what to say to that, so I didn't respond. And matter of fact Im not going to. At first I was floored, hurt, in tears, looking for a gun(not really). I sat here alone in my hotel room in Myrtle Beach and became a prisoner of my own mind. The negative thoughts flowed through my head and her words pounded at my soul like the waves hitting the beach. I couldn't shake this I felt lost hopeless worthless. Like my life was going no where and Ill never find someone. And then all at once I felt ok, I actually said out loud I'll be ok,,,,,,I'm fine,,,,,,,,,I'll find someone and love again. It was strange, maybe I'm going crazy. But I feel good, sure I'll have my moments but I know for the first time in a long time I'll be ok. I will survive this, Im not afraid to walk alone. I just have to be brave and rely on my friends to help me when I fall.........and always remember it just takes time.
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