I had lived a pretty risky life since being verified immortal on what was the equivalent of March 15th, 44 B.C. I had been approached a week before by someone I thought I recognized, but couldn't put my finger on. He had only introduced himself as "Pater Tempus". He informed me that I had only to perform one act, a very serious and historical one, and get away with it, and I would be immortal until a word of my choosing was uttered. I would not feel pain, and would heal up in seconds.
I had thought long and hard about what word I would pick, having been given a week to make a decision. Of course I was going to do it. I had no qualms about killing, having served in the Roman army. Who wouldn't want to be immortal? To fully experience everything the world would go through, to become the richest, most powerful, and smartest person to ever exist...
I have long forgotten my original name, as I have used thousands over the centuries in different times and places. Now I just go by Robert Miller. It doesn't stand out in any way, is easy to remember, and is easy to pronounce in any language.
Since receiving my gift, I had left Rome, and as the centuries progressed, I was certain I would be immortal. That is, until last week. I had simply been at the grocery store and walked past a man who had a brand new tattoo walking with his buddy.
I instantly recognized it. I had thought back to my many battles and adventures which would have killed any mortal being. The time I was gutted in 15th century Japan...apparently they didn't take nicely to foreigners just showing up one day.
Then there was the time I took a direct hit from an artillery shell at the Somme, nobody noticed the immortal dude flying a hundred feet in the air.
But these two clowns at a supermarket? I wasn't about to let them kill someone who'd personally feasted with Henry the Eighth and had a romp with Marilyn herself!
I strolled right up to the young man (early 30's, but your standards change when the world's "official" oldest person is over twenty times younger than you) and told him "You know what that tattoo means don't you?" He looked over at me and said "Oh this one, I just got it today, it's cool cause it's in Latin! It says..."
Never had I valued noise cancelling headphones as much as in that moment. Wish they'd been invented a bit earlier honestly and am so lucky to have had them with me!
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https://www.thrillist.com/news/nation/health-benefits-of-peeing-sitting-down-for-men
@UPSLynx
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