This is why you're single.

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  • djmephdjmeph Detroit Icrontian
    image
  • CantiCanti =/= smalltime http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9K18CGEeiI&feature=related Icrontian
    So that's a maybe.
  • djmephdjmeph Detroit Icrontian
    I only date POC.
  • djmephdjmeph Detroit Icrontian
    I'm a firm believer in the Bullworth theory. We should just keep fucking until we're the same color.
    JBoogalookimono54sharkydart
  • CrazyJoeCrazyJoe Winter Springs, FL Icrontian
    Lincoln said:

    (at the same time, if someone can only get their rocks off to a certain look, then so be it; I can't force anyone to think a certain thing is attractive.

    If it's any consolation, you are well within those parameters as far as I'm concerned. :vimp:

    (no homo)

    (ok a little)
    I agree. Curtis is hot. :-)
    sharkydart
  • JBoogalooJBoogaloo This too shall pass... Alexandria, VA Icrontian
    djmeph said:

    I'm a firm believer in the Bullworth theory. We should just keep fucking until we're the same color.

    :thumbsup:
    midga
  • WagsFTWWagsFTW Grand Rapids, MI Icrontian

    i wish i didn't have to deal with this shit, but i do
    - forgive me if I can't say I find the same humor you seem to have found.

    I want to say that this preoccupation with ethnicity is "why I'm single" in KY/Cincinnati.

    It's tough enough to find a good match, and a little bit sad when ethnicity is just about the only sticking point. ...I feel a little bad that I somehow have lots of things in common with racists! (at the same time, if someone can only get their rocks off to a certain look, then so be it; I can't force anyone to think a certain thing is attractive.

    Then, there is the aspect of them being afraid of family members' reactions. At least one promising, budding relationship fell through, with that being a factor. (I wouldn't think it would be attractive for someone to give up anything solely on someone else's whim.) People need to clear this idea of a 'one drop' rule out of their heads.
    Has anyone heard of genetics and/or science?

    That sucks. I also dealt with this as my last boyfriend was black. I was so worried about my family's reaction at first. My parents were cooler about it than I thought they would be, but it was extended family and grandparents I was the most worried about. But I had to just keep in mind that they will be happy if I am happy. They are family. They would not cast you completely out of the family just because your boyfriend has a different skin color. I wish I would have introduced him to them, but didn't because of other problems we had. It would have been nice to have the guts to do it, but I wasn't happy. There are a lot of people out there who sadly don't have the guts to do it, even when they are happy, and it really sucks to have to deal with that. You'll meet someone eventually who will take that risk because she loves you 100% for who you are, and wants the world to know it. And she'll be worth that risk too. <3
    sharkydart
  • LincLinc Owner Detroit Icrontian

    Then, there is the aspect of them being afraid of family members' reactions. At least one promising, budding relationship fell through, with that being a factor.

    WagsFTW said:

    My parents were cooler about it than I thought they would be, but it was extended family and grandparents I was the most worried about. [...] I wish I would have introduced him to them, but didn't because of other problems we had. It would have been nice to have the guts to do it, but I wasn't happy. There are a lot of people out there who sadly don't have the guts to do it, even when they are happy, and it really sucks to have to deal with that.

    Sounds awfully close to the experience of being gay.
    sharkydartNullenVoyd
  • CBCB Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Der Millionendorf- Icrontian
    Lincoln said:

    Then, there is the aspect of them being afraid of family members' reactions. At least one promising, budding relationship fell through, with that being a factor.

    WagsFTW said:

    My parents were cooler about it than I thought they would be, but it was extended family and grandparents I was the most worried about. [...] I wish I would have introduced him to them, but didn't because of other problems we had. It would have been nice to have the guts to do it, but I wasn't happy. There are a lot of people out there who sadly don't have the guts to do it, even when they are happy, and it really sucks to have to deal with that.

    Sounds awfully close to the experience of being gay.
    Also sounds a bit like being on the dating scene as an atheist/apatheist. Back in those long distant days, I had more than one relationship break down solely because the girl's family was unwilling to accept an ungodly person into their family, and she was unwilling to go against them. It almost kept Betsy and I apart, but (like in Wags' hypothetical pairing) Betsy decided that she didn't care what her family thought about me. (I'm not popular at family gatherings though, and I mostly avoid them.)
    sharkydartWagsFTWCharshie
  • ardichokeardichoke Icrontian
    CB said:

    Lincoln said:

    Then, there is the aspect of them being afraid of family members' reactions. At least one promising, budding relationship fell through, with that being a factor.

    WagsFTW said:

    My parents were cooler about it than I thought they would be, but it was extended family and grandparents I was the most worried about. [...] I wish I would have introduced him to them, but didn't because of other problems we had. It would have been nice to have the guts to do it, but I wasn't happy. There are a lot of people out there who sadly don't have the guts to do it, even when they are happy, and it really sucks to have to deal with that.

    Sounds awfully close to the experience of being gay.
    Also sounds a bit like being on the dating scene as an atheist/apatheist. Back in those long distant days, I had more than one relationship break down solely because the girl's family was unwilling to accept an ungodly person into their family, and she was unwilling to go against them. It almost kept Betsy and I apart, but (like in Wags' hypothetical pairing) Betsy decided that she didn't care what her family thought about me. (I'm not popular at family gatherings though, and I mostly avoid them.)
    Ugh... yes... +1. I was seriously concerned when I started dating Marysia that my atheism would be the end of our relationship (as her mother is a reverend). I am incredibly glad that my fears were unfounded on that one.
  • SonorousSonorous F@H Fanatic US Icrontian
    I have a similar experience. Last girl I dated left me because I am an atheist, among other excuses. Happened right about the time I was saving for a ring and a trip to Wisconsin to tell her father my intentions. I have never experienced being outcast because of something I believe in before that point, and I have to say it was truly crushing. After that night I swore to my self never judge or outcast someone based on sexual preference, religion or race.
  • TushonTushon I'm scared, Coach Alexandria, VA Icrontian
    Sonorous said:

    I have a similar experience. Last girl I dated left me because I am an atheist, among other excuses. Happened right about the time I was saving for a ring and a trip to Wisconsin to tell her father my intentions. I have never experienced being outcast because of something I believe in before that point, and I have to say it was truly crushing. After that night I swore to my self never judge or outcast someone based on sexual preference, religion or race.

    For clarity, did you not discuss religion or lack thereof till that point? Maybe it's just my really direct nature, but I can't see getting past 3/4 dates without that being cleared up.
  • SonorousSonorous F@H Fanatic US Icrontian
    edited June 2013
    Tushon said:

    Sonorous said:

    I have a similar experience. Last girl I dated left me because I am an atheist, among other excuses. Happened right about the time I was saving for a ring and a trip to Wisconsin to tell her father my intentions. I have never experienced being outcast because of something I believe in before that point, and I have to say it was truly crushing. After that night I swore to my self never judge or outcast someone based on sexual preference, religion or race.

    For clarity, did you not discuss religion or lack thereof till that point? Maybe it's just my really direct nature, but I can't see getting past 3/4 dates without that being cleared up.
    We dated for about a year with her knowing pretty much everything about me including my views on religion.
  • TushonTushon I'm scared, Coach Alexandria, VA Icrontian
    Dick move then :/
  • TeramonaTeramona Consulting Tea Specialist Best Coast! Icrontian
    But... @Sharkydart is very good looking. Anyone who says differently is in deep denial for some reason. Like, PTS or something. I don't know why that would be the case, but PTS has been known to lead people to think and do dumb shit.
  • primesuspectprimesuspect Beepin n' Boopin Detroit, MI Icrontian
    I'm pretty sure this is not about whether or not somebody is good looking. It's about a deeper societal problem that people who are not straight and white face.
    WagsFTW
  • TeramonaTeramona Consulting Tea Specialist Best Coast! Icrontian
    Honestly, I don't know how it is in the midwest, but I've never really seen hardcore racism or homophobia over here. I can't imagine how awful that would be, though.
  • GnomeQueenGnomeQueen The Lulz Queen Mountain Dew Mouth Icrontian
    Teramona said:

    Honestly, I don't know how it is in the midwest, but I've never really seen hardcore racism or homophobia over here. I can't imagine how awful that would be, though.

    You must not talk to a lot of old people. Or even moderately old people.
  • WagsFTWWagsFTW Grand Rapids, MI Icrontian
    Teramona said:

    Honestly, I don't know how it is in the midwest, but I've never really seen hardcore racism or homophobia over here. I can't imagine how awful that would be, though.

    It is not often hardcore or directly apparent, but exists. A lot of people don't talk about it, but do feel that way. I'm sure it exists out there, and is more prevalent in the older generations or in places that are less diverse.

  • djmephdjmeph Detroit Icrontian
    I've disabled my OKCupid for a while. I'm in such a rut. :-(
  • MAGICMAGIC Doot Doot Furniture City, Michigan Icrontian

    Teramona said:

    Honestly, I don't know how it is in the midwest, but I've never really seen hardcore racism or homophobia over here. I can't imagine how awful that would be, though.

    You must not talk to a lot of old people. Or even moderately old people.
    Or people raised by old people.
  • kimono54kimono54 Fort Wayne, IN Icrontian
    djmeph said:

    I've disabled my OKCupid for a while. I'm in such a rut. :-(

    Try widening your search parameters, like anywhere in the US or something like that, in order to find a 90+% match. That's what Raul did and he messaged me because we're a 99% match. As long as you're willing to move if necessary. Don't give up!
  • sharkydartsharkydart KY Icrontian
    finding people who match at >90% hasn't been a problem. maybe it's a local social stigma to online dating that still persists here. idk. what's frustrating is getting a good response to an initial message, and then maybe another before I never hear from the person again. Yet, I notice them revisit my profile... Perhaps, the women I match most just happen to be skittish.
  • kimono54kimono54 Fort Wayne, IN Icrontian

    finding people who match at >90% hasn't been a problem. maybe it's a local social stigma to online dating that still persists here. idk. what's frustrating is getting a good response to an initial message, and then maybe another before I never hear from the person again. Yet, I notice them revisit my profile... Perhaps, the women I match most just happen to be skittish.

    Try answering a ton of the questions (if you haven't already) and then take the friend and enemy%'s into consideration. Before Raul, I only had 50% matches within a close radius. When you first email someone reference one of the questions. I assume you probably mention something in her profile, but everyone reads the profile and asks a question based on it, only a few people take the time to read the questions. Hope that helps.
  • sharkydartsharkydart KY Icrontian
    I appreciate that you took the time to make some suggestions. None of what you said is really new info for me, though.
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