LOL, yeah compatibility is definitely not binary, and anyone who thinks so is setting themselves up for failure in their relationships. People like to think that when they are falling in love they are going to be with the same person for the rest of their life, and that's a great goal to have. However, both people are going to change during the relationship and it's important to understand that when going in. Compatibility is not only a dark, grey area, it's temporary, and the future of a relationship has more to do with the ability to adapt and empathize than it does with compatibility.
I think people try to idealize relationships too much, and that is what causes a lot of problems between couples. As people grow older and their views and their goals change, one person might not think that the relationship has reached that idealist vision they had when they first started dating, or when they first got married, and it causes resentment.
In my opinion, I think a lot of men are just as shallow, if not more shallow than women. Those are just generalities, though, each person is different. Each person is attracted to different types of people.
I think I'm an awesome person. I would want to date me.
[...] I have found that my perspective on relationships is different than most women, and I think that it is hard for some women to accept. Not to mention, like Brian said earlier, that I find most women to be very shallow. It's hard for them to wrap their mind (or their arms) around me and look at things from outside of their idealized view. I'm fat and I don't own a house or drive a BMW. You'd be surprised how much of a deal-breaker that is to most women. My hope is that I will eventually be able to take all of this experience and apply it towards a successful relationship in the future. [...]
LOL, yeah compatibility is definitely not binary, and anyone who thinks so is setting themselves up for failure in their relationships.
The last cray cray girl I dated, the last thing she ever said to me was, "I'M HAVING AN ABORTION! (click)" On a voicemail. Which was weird since I didn't even know she was pregnant.
I observe all kinds of relationships. For instance, my best friend and his girlfriend of 4 years just broke up. He is my age. They met when she was 19 and, as I predicted, everything started to fall apart when she turned 21. They got into this codependent relationship and it ended disastrously. That seems to happen a lot to my friends.
I used to really like this girl who I had become good friends with. I let her know how I felt and she did not feel the same way about me. She proceeded to date another one of my friends, (who I don't talk to anymore) who verbally and physically abused her, and treated her like a Saigon whore. I ended up losing respect for both of them, but it really hurts when I think why did she want to be with him over me?
Then there are my female friends who get into relationships with dudes that they are only interested in a few of their good qualities, which are typically their looks and/or job. The guy doesn't exactly fit their ideal image of what they really want, so they try to change him, and they keep trying, and they get real disappointed that he stays exactly the same.
Then there are the married couples I know who probably should have seen the signs before they got married, and it's not even a year later one or both of them is already cheating and they are both completely miserable.
My Aunt and Uncle went through a lot of issues because my Aunt is a Jehovah's Witness and my Uncle grew up Lutheran. I don't think he really cared too much about religion, but he definitely didn't want to be a JW. They were separated for a while, and almost got divorced. My uncle loves her so much that he eventually caved in and adopted her religion, now my family treats him like an alien.
These are just a few examples, but I've taken from these experiences anything I can learn that will help me. Religious differences can obviously cause a world of problems. I won't let a woman try to change who I am to better suit her idealistic view, and that has caused many problems. I stay away from young girls because I know they will end up resenting me later, and wondering how it would have been different if they had dated other people. I even dated a girl for about a year who started to push me into getting married. The signs were all there that we had a lot of work to do on our relationship, but she insisted that it was the next step and gave me an ultimatum, so I ended it.
As sad as this may sound, I think I keep running into the same problems with relationships because I'm attracting similar types of girls who are either desperate or extremely insecure. That has only recently started to change for me, partly because I have been working on improving my own self-esteem, and partly because a certain someone has been helping me put myself out there in a way to attract the type of women I want to date. I still feel like I have a long way to go, but at least there is a light at the end of my sad, lonely tunnel.
How about this...
HUMANS ARE SHALLOW as a race. There are wonderful people that are not but most have at least some tendencies towards looks. Many rely on the first look and nothing will change their opinion.
I can only comment on women because I date them, and I don't date men. If women say that men are just as shallow, I'm inclined to agree. However, gay men seem to be more attracted to me than straight women, so how does that work out?
I call this the Beard Magnet Syndrome, where a beard grows in a certain length and fashion, so the electrons and molecules gather in large concentrations between the hairs, leading to an effect not unlike the one found in magnets. Women want to stroke it, men just wish it was theirs, and they're both equally attracted to it.
This is true and it's science.
I call this the Beard Attraction Syndrome, where a beard grows in a certain length and fashion, so the electrons and molecules gather in large concentrations between the hairs, leading to an effect not unlike the one found in magnets. Women want to stroke it, men just wish it was theirs, and they're both equally attracted to it. To some weaker souls, the sheer awe of being presented such a force sadly leads them to steer away. Women, often being quoted as "the weaker sex" (I'm not debating the authenticity of this "weaker sex" theory) can't handle the force, but many men can.
Wow, it's like there could be fakers on OKCupid just like real life. Amazing revelation.