This is why you're single.

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  • djmephdjmeph Detroit
    edited April 2014
    If you're lucky enough to be in a relationship that doesn't fall into these 18 social norms, cherish it. Or consider polyamory. :-)

    http://thoughtcatalog.com/christopher-hudspeth/2014/04/18-ugly-truths-about-modern-dating-that-you-have-to-deal-with/

    TL;DR Millennials be lazy
  • Random story related slightly to friend-zoning and missed opportunities:

    Initial interactions with my not-yet-wife were friendly emails about some common interests, but I didn't really have it in my head that I was looking for a serious relationship with her. Still, a little later, we ended up meeting in person and hitting it off, but I thought it was just as friends, and was totally cool with that because she made a damn fine friend.

    She had a boyfriend at the time, but she admitted it was a long-distance relationship and kinda stalled. Apparently her mom called this guy a 'seat cushion', but I still figured that it was still a relationship, something to respect, and was still totally loving being her friend.

    Well, she finally had to hit me over the head one day (not quite but almost literally) and say "Hey! I like you, like, I REALLY like you, and I've been trying to see if this is a mutual thing!" I was curious what that would do to our friendship, but found it didn't change it at all, it just made it stronger and stronger as time went on.

    RahnalH102djmephJBoogaloomidga
  • djmephdjmeph Detroit

    Great story! The friend-zone is awesome. If you are incapable of being friends with a woman without feeling entitled to sleep with her, you are in for many missed opportunities.

    JBoogaloo
  • ThraxThrax Professional Shill, Watch Slut, Mumble Hivemind Drone Austin, TX
    edited April 2014

    A good friend told me years ago to never do anything which would make you wonder what could have been

    Sounds like a life predestined for limited possibilities to me.

    BlackHawk
  • CantiCanti =/= smalltime http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9K18CGEeiI&feature=related
    edited April 2014

    I'm not sure how you come to that conclusion. The point is to take chances and see where they go instead of doing nothing and later questioning what might have happened if you had.

    Or as said by someone smarter than I,

    "Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."

    midga
  • CrazyJoeCrazyJoe Winter Springs, FL
    edited April 2014

    @NullenVoyd said:
    Random story related slightly to friend-zoning and missed opportunities:

    Initial interactions with my not-yet-wife were friendly emails about some common interests, but I didn't really have it in my head that I was looking for a serious relationship with her. Still, a little later, we ended up meeting in person and hitting it off, but I thought it was just as friends, and was totally cool with that because she made a damn fine friend.

    She had a boyfriend at the time, but she admitted it was a long-distance relationship and kinda stalled. Apparently her mom called this guy a 'seat cushion', but I still figured that it was still a relationship, something to respect, and was still totally loving being her friend.

    Well, she finally had to hit me over the head one day (not quite but almost literally) and say "Hey! I like you, like, I REALLY like you, and I've been trying to see if this is a mutual thing!" I was curious what that would do to our friendship, but found it didn't change it at all, it just made it stronger and stronger as time went on.

    This is pretty much exactly what happened with my wife and I. I had gone to college with her brother although I had never met her. Years later after I was getting my teaching certification in Ohio I was chatting with her brother and he said, "Hey my sister went to college in Indiana and has her teaching license there. She is looking to get Ohio certification as well, could you help her out with that."

    So we started chatting about how to take the Ohio Certification test and teaching in general. She had a long time boyfriend that she'd been dating since college, however she eventually told me how the relationship was ending because he had changed and was becoming more and more of a jerk after college. We continued chatting online and would occasionally meet up in person when she was in town visiting her brother to talk more about teaching stuff and life, etc. Strictly friends, nothing more. Well eventually she broke it off with her ex and we continued to hang out as friends as she said she liked me, but didn't want to get out of one relationship and then immediately jump into another. My friends even called her my not-girlfriend because she always said how we were hanging out but she was not my girlfriend. So that went on for nearly a year until she said she was ready to officially start dating. That was in the summer of 2005. A week later while I was up in Detroit for Expo she called and said she had a job offer to teach 2nd Grade in Florida and was going to take the job and would be gone when I got back to Ohio (We had talked of trying to see if we could get teaching jobs in other places since the job market in Ohio and Indiana was almost impossible.) So we did the long distance relationship for a year while I finished up college. I moved to Florida the next year and we've been here ever since and were married in 2009.

    djmeph
  • ThraxThrax Professional Shill, Watch Slut, Mumble Hivemind Drone Austin, TX

  • mertesnmertesn I am Bobby Miller Yukon, OK

    What I've learned so far: the deck seems to be stacked against me.
    1. I am far too old to be a good match. (I'm 37, I'm not old)
    2. At 5'6 I am entirely too short to be a suitable match. Apparently I have to be at least twice her height.
    2. Because I am of an average build and not an underwear model, I am not a suitable match. I mean, I could be an underwear model, but I'd have to wear the competition's products in an effort to torpedo said competitor's business. (Maybe I've stumbled onto a new career path?)
    3. There are magic words to use to get a response. I do not know these words. Perhaps they're not English? They certainly can't be Klingon. I've never seen that shit work, but to be fair I've never been to a Star Wars convention.
    4*. A woman who messages/likes/whatever me is not real. Hidden or suspended profile every time.
    5. I'm a hit with the 60+ year old crowd. Yay?

    *Ok, #4 isn't entirely true. I had a rather pleasant and friendly conversation with a woman who checked out my profile last week. She is from my hometown (as much as a military brat can have one), which is 1000+ miles (prohibitively far) away. But generally speaking, if she's inte

    ...and since I didn't mean for this to sound like a whiny venting, it hasn't been all bad - in fact sometimes it's been downright strange. Funny story...I don't get out much (outside of my normal routine) because I dislike doing things by myself. Part of my routine involves a particular shopping trip where I routinely run into someone I'm quite interested in. Decided one day (during an extended conversation with her) to ask her out. She politely declined, mostly due to having a boyfriend. She specifically stated it was a long distance relationship...the thing that struck me was that her body language, tone of voice, and facial expression kind of indicated a sort of displeasure with the situation. I couldn't tell whether it was "I wish he lived here" or "give me a reason". Either way, I left it alone at that. Then the strangest thing happened. I said something about asking because I'd have to kick myself otherwise. I didn't intend to say it - it just slipped out. Her response was nothing I could have imagined, she thanked me and gave me "mad props for having the balls to ask". I've never felt so good about a rejection in my life. Seriously. As weird as it sounds, it pretty much made my day. WTF?

    Anyway, rant/vent over. Back to drawing more boards.

    I'm well aware of the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek. I am also aware that one is supposed to be clearly and unquestionably superior to the other. They both fail to achieve the greatness that is Red Dwarf.

  • mertesnmertesn I am Bobby Miller Yukon, OK

    Of course, as soon as I posted this I got a half dozen messages from the same person within a ten minute span. Am I off base or does that trigger the crazy alarm for anyone else?

  • primesuspectprimesuspect Beepin n' Boopin Detroit, MI

    I had zero luck with four years of online dating attempts. My deck was stacked far worse than yours was, though (unemployed? no money? single dad with two kids? shitty car? a hundred fucking pounds overweight? Yeah, good luck)

    Let's be frank, online dating relies pretty heavily on the superficial, and guys like me have about a zero chance. In four years I went on ONE date and it was a complete disaster.

    How did I meet Nicole? By constantly being social, going out to events, hanging out with new people, meeting new people, and eventually one of those new people I met through going to social media events, Tweetups, etc.... introduced me to her.

    Annes
  • djmephdjmeph Detroit

    @oni_dels‌ I'm very sorry to hear about that, but I hope you can eventually move past the hurt and realize that being single is awesome and great opportunities are coming your way.

    HUGS

    oni_dels
  • djmephdjmeph Detroit

    I've made some changes to my OKCupid profile recently that have really revolutionized my results. These changes are unique to my situation, but I wanted to share them with you guys because I think they can be applied to everyone.

    1) Changed my summary to say that I identify as polyamorous, heteroromantic, and pansexual, as well as being more specific about what I'm looking for, and what my boundaries are. Even if you identify as Hetero/CIS/Monogamous, make sure your profile is clear about that. I've talked to so many people who were not happy with the messages they were getting, but didn't realize that they weren't being clear about their identity and intentions. Don't assume that everyone reading your profile is looking for the same hetero-normative relationship as you, or that they are all confined to sexual and gender identity binaries. There is a still a lot of nuance, and it can save you from getting a barrage of messages from people you aren't interested in.

    2) Changed my preferences so that I can only be viewed and messaged by other people who identify as bisexual on OKCupid. OKCupid has yet to drop the gender binary, so this covers just about anyone who is queer. I think this is something that may be more beneficial to people who identify as queer in some way, but I have also heard from women who identify as heterosexual that they eliminated straight men from their results because it cut out a lot of noise.

    I hate to say this but a particular subset of straight men have essentially ruined OKCupid for everyone. Now that OKCupid has a filter for eliminating straight men from results, it has really changed the game. It sucks for straight men who haven't abused the system, but there is a static-to-noise ratio that was unmanageable. I've heard this time and time again from females who use the service. That being said, there is hope because it's becoming harder for dickbags to game the system and OKCupid is giving people more options to narrow results down to people you can identify with. At the very least, this experience has been an eye-opening social experience. But it has also led to a number of great new relationships for me.

    RahnalH102oni_dels
  • oni_delsoni_dels Drunk French Canadian Montréal, Québec.

    dude. dude.

    congrats.
    and yeah okcupids need more option,
    (i might be drunk atm)
    but yeah.
    i identaify as i guuy looking for girl, but i honestly dont mind if its "casual sex" if its a dude blowin me.

    sex is sex.

    you cant put that in your "looking for"...

    Linc
  • djmephdjmeph Detroit

    It's like my mother always said, "A mouth is a mouth."

    oni_delsRahnalH102
  • oni_delsoni_dels Drunk French Canadian Montréal, Québec.

  • SnarkasmSnarkasm Madison, WI

    Ugh, PIGS! Can't a woman just be on a dating site without constantly getting bombarded by messages from men?

    mertesnRyderRyanFodder
  • djmephdjmeph Detroit

    This is what ruins it for everyone.

    http://straightwhiteboystexting.tumblr.com/

    oni_dels
  • ThraxThrax Professional Shill, Watch Slut, Mumble Hivemind Drone Austin, TX
    edited July 2014

    straightwhiteboys

    6th picture is Asian.

    BasilIlriyasRahnalH102
  • ThraxThrax Professional Shill, Watch Slut, Mumble Hivemind Drone Austin, TX

    csimon
  • JBoogalooJBoogaloo This too shall pass... Alexandria, VA

    If this were real, I'd be freaked the EF out, lol! This dude is hilariously funny on youtube. Way over the top in Rupaul's Drag race and even more so on his youtube channel. Definitely recommend watching it for some laughs.

  • ChoochChooch K-Pop authority™, Pho King Madison Heights, MI

    I'm single because I'm asian.

    I know Bruce, I know...

    JBoogalooThrax
  • GnomeQueenGnomeQueen The Lulz Queen Mountain Dew Mouth

    @JBoogaloo said:
    If this were real, I'd be freaked the EF out, lol! This dude is hilariously funny on youtube. Way over the top in Rupaul's Drag race and even more so on his youtube channel. Definitely recommend watching it for some laughs.

    Yus, Adore Delano is the beeeeest

    JBoogaloo
  • HeroHero formerly known as XGPHero
    edited October 2014

    i have not read all 12 pages but, someone implied that not fitting the typically accepted mold of "attractive" makes it difficult to find a relationship. Now, without seeming full of myself, i consider myself to be fairly attractive by the aforementioned "typically accepted mold." that being said, it seems that looks matter a lot for just getting laid, but since i'm a guy who is much more interested in a meaningful relationship, it can be a "burden" as well. most women are mistrusting of a guy with "typical good looks," thinking that i must be a player. the girls who just want to get laid wont care, but the girls who want more will judge me by my looks before she looks under the hood. it is (primarily) for this reason that i have been single for several years, and before that my (short lived) relationships were shallow and not fulfilling. anyways, that has been my experience.

  • mertesnmertesn I am Bobby Miller Yukon, OK

    Of course it's the one thing I can't "fix"...

    RyanFoddermidga
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