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How Do You Deal With A Chronic Alcoholic?

MrTRiotMrTRiot Icrontian
edited May 2009 in Food & Drink
I've known my friend for almost 6 years now. He used to smoke the green stuff casually but now he's turned to alcohol. He regularly drinks 2 60oz'ers in a weekend and causes shit like most drunks. When that gets out of hand, he usually leaves with a few bruises....


This weekend was different though. My finance and I went over to his place, had 4 shots each in 3 hours and we ended up leaving because buddy tried to pull a switchblade on us, then tried to pull a b-bee rifle. Needless to say it didn't work....


I am just wondering. Petitioning to a forum full of hidden drunks. Can this relationship be redeemed? We originally stop talking because I knocked 3 of his wisdom teeth out because of him being a violent drunk, and started talking almost a year later. Yet it's the same old shit...Is it worth it?


Is there a point in me trying to be civil? or should I cut all ties like I did before?

Comments

  • SnarkasmSnarkasm 's-Hertogenbosch, The Netherlands Icrontian
    edited Apr 2009
    Cut it. He obviously doesn't care enough to remain friends with you.
  • ThraxThrax Professional Shill, Pokémaster, Watch Slut Austin, TX Icrontian
    edited Apr 2009
  • MrTRiotMrTRiot Icrontian
    edited Apr 2009
    Snarkasm wrote:
    Cut it. He obviously doesn't care enough to remain friends with you.

    like I've said before. He never used to be like this...it's the alcohol that's got to him....


    is he worth saving or should I count my blessing that I didn't do more?
  • SnarkasmSnarkasm 's-Hertogenbosch, The Netherlands Icrontian
    edited Apr 2009
    Snarkasm wrote:
    Cut it. He obviously doesn't care enough to remain friends with you.
  • primesuspectprimesuspect HumanGarbageDisposal Detroit, MI Icrontian
    edited Apr 2009
    Coming from a family of alcoholics, trust me on this:

    You can't save an alcoholic

    Family blood is not enough. Love is not enough. The only person who can save an alcoholic is themselves.

    You cannot fix this; you will only get hurt in the end. If this dude is pulling weapons, you need to gtfo immediately. Nothing good will come of this. Perhaps when he wakes up in a hospital, or in jail, and realizes he's lost everything, maybe that'll be the kick in the ass he needs. There's nothing you can do about it.
  • LincLinc Community Instigator Detroit, MI Icrontian
    edited Apr 2009
    Someone pulls a weapon on you, never associate with them again. The end.
  • MrTRiotMrTRiot Icrontian
    edited Apr 2009
    Coming from a family of alcoholics, trust me on this:

    You can't save an alcoholic

    Family blood is not enough. Love is not enough. The only person who can save an alcoholic is themselves.

    You cannot fix this; you will only get hurt in the end. If this dude is pulling weapons, you need to gtfo immediately. Nothing good will come of this. Perhaps when he wakes up in a hospital, or in jail, and realizes he's lost everything, maybe that'll be the kick in the ass he needs. There's nothing you can do about it.

    Thanks...that's all I needed to know


    I wish everyone on IRC had the same reasoning as you do.....
  • Mt_GoatMt_Goat Watching the mere mortals in chaos from high atop Mt. Olympus Icrontian
    edited Apr 2009
    Unfortunately when people get this far the only way is down. Then they need to really hit rock bottom before they have any hope of picking themselves back up. And then it is usually not often that they recover. Cut loose and if you feel like you must keep an eye from a very distant position. But you becoming more involved will just pull you in deeper. Sorry for the bad news.
  • LincLinc Community Instigator Detroit, MI Icrontian
    edited Apr 2009
    Mr TRiot wrote:
    I wish everyone on IRC had the same reasoning as you do.....
    Your first mistake was using "IRC" and "reason" in the same sentence ;)
  • ThraxThrax Professional Shill, Pokémaster, Watch Slut Austin, TX Icrontian
    edited Apr 2009
    Your second was not listening to people who were telling you exactly what Prime said. ;)
  • _k__k_ P-Town, Texas Icrontian
    edited Apr 2009
    Walk away from that dude the only reason I would say would be worth while talking to him is if he contacts you while working steps in AA, Harvard Group, or other standard addiction group.
  • MrTRiotMrTRiot Icrontian
    edited Apr 2009
    _k_ wrote:
    Walk away from that dude the only reason I would say would be worth while talking to him is if he contacts you while working steps in AA, Harvard Group, or other standard addiction group.


    AA is just a bunch of religious crap....


    Ever wondered what the 12 steps REALLY are?

    1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

    2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

    3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

    4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

    5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

    6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

    7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

    8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

    9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

    10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

    11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

    12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.




    but ya....I'm done with it. It's time for me to move on and say "It's not my problem"
  • botheredbothered Manchester UK
    edited Apr 2009
    But just in case anybody needs or is thinking of contacting AA. It is not religious and works for thousands of alcoholics like nothing else.
  • MrTRiotMrTRiot Icrontian
    edited Apr 2009
    Check out this link



    AA only works if you want it to work.
  • jj Easpointe, MI Icrontian
    edited Apr 2009
    ok, number 1 there is no such thing as an alcoholic. That is just some word made up to give an excuse to someone who does not want to take control of there life. Your friend has other things going on in his life besides the alcohol. The alcohol is just an easy way to deal with his problems. If you really want to help, try to help him with what is really troubling him. Alcoholism is always secondary. Don't ever think it's a "disease". A disease doesn't make someone drive to the store, pull out there wallet, and buy alcohol. It's a want. Help him eliminate the want. That is "real" help.
  • botheredbothered Manchester UK
    edited Apr 2009
    j wrote:
    ok, number 1 there is no such thing as an alcoholic. That is just some word made up to give an excuse to someone who does not want to take control of there life. Your friend has other things going on in his life besides the alcohol. The alcohol is just an easy way to deal with his problems. If you really want to help, try to help him with what is really troubling him. Alcoholism is always secondary. Don't ever think it's a "disease". A disease doesn't make someone drive to the store, pull out there wallet, and buy alcohol. It's a want. Help him eliminate the want. That is "real" help.

    I have to say to anybody who thinks they may have a problem with alcohol. Do not take any notice of rubbish like the above. Seek the help of people who actually know and understand the illness of alcoholism, and there are many. There are unfortunately many others who may well have been damaged by alcoholism who may never had even had a drink themselves, their view of the illness does not represent the facts. Alcoholism is not a game, it kills thousands each year, saying there is no such thing is dangerous.
  • botheredbothered Manchester UK
    edited Apr 2009
    Mr TRiot wrote:
    Check out this link



    AA only works if you want it to work.

    It's the only way it works. But it does work because AA is by alcoholics for alcoholics. Only an alcoholic understands another alcoholic.
  • jaredjared College Station, TX Icrontian
    edited Apr 2009
    j wrote:
    ok, number 1 there is no such thing as an alcoholic. That is just some word made up to give an excuse to someone who does not want to take control of there life. Your friend has other things going on in his life besides the alcohol. The alcohol is just an easy way to deal with his problems. If you really want to help, try to help him with what is really troubling him. Alcoholism is always secondary. Don't ever think it's a "disease". A disease doesn't make someone drive to the store, pull out there wallet, and buy alcohol. It's a want. Help him eliminate the want. That is "real" help.

    I understand your view point, but I'm calling shens on this.
  • edited Apr 2009
    Like everyone has said above, make a clean break. Why would you even consider putting your fiance in that sort of danger? Even if you left her home, by putting yourself in danger, you are putting her interests, you, in danger.


    I'd have to throw my support behind AA. I have a coworker that was a severe alcoholic and it turned her life around. Of course, she was ready to make a change. She's been sober for 7 years now. She also attends weekly meetings.

    Anyone that says alcoholism isn't real, I used to think the same way, needs to see an alcoholic dry out. It is an addiction and it isn't pretty. I don't subscribe to the belief that it is hereditary. I look at it like cigarettes, if you smoke enough of them often enough, you will become addicted.

    You can say that people turn to alcohol to escape from other life problems, but sooner or later, the other problems will cease to be an issue and the consumption of alcohol will become the priority.

    My humble 2c .
  • ThraxThrax Professional Shill, Pokémaster, Watch Slut Austin, TX Icrontian
    edited Apr 2009
    It's not a disease and it's not hereditary, but I'll be damned if alcohol isn't an addictive substance with the right people in the right situations. You should watch an alcoholic detox some time, J. You'll shit bricks.
  • MrBillMrBill Missouri
    edited Apr 2009
    Coming from a family of alcoholics, trust me on this:

    You can't save an alcoholic

    Family blood is not enough. Love is not enough. The only person who can save an alcoholic is themselves.

    You cannot fix this; you will only get hurt in the end. If this dude is pulling weapons, you need to gtfo immediately. Nothing good will come of this. Perhaps when he wakes up in a hospital, or in jail, and realizes he's lost everything, maybe that'll be the kick in the ass he needs. There's nothing you can do about it.
    So true. One of my brothers wrecked several cars while intoxicated. He broke his neck in one alcohol related car wreck and wore a halo bolted to his head for some time as a result. My mother nearly lost her mind trying to get him to stop drinking. He wrapped a car around a telephone pole with a .26 blood alcohol level (over 3 times the legal limit). He didn't survive that wreck.

    On a positive note, another of brothers has been sober for about 3 years now. He is still a "recovering alcoholic".

    Alcoholism is real. Believe it!
  • edcentricedcentric near Milwaukee, Wisconsin Icrontian
    edited Apr 2009
    You take him by the balls and give it to him straight (while he is sober).
    Into reahb now or I will never talk to you again, period.

    It isn't worth putting yourself at risk.
    bu tif he has the balls to face his issues and seek help to tackle them then you really need to stand with him. He will need you.
  • jj Easpointe, MI Icrontian
    edited Apr 2009
    Thrax wrote:
    It's not a disease and it's not hereditary, but I'll be damned if alcohol isn't an addictive substance with the right people in the right situations. You should watch an alcoholic detox some time, J. You'll shit bricks.

    I never said it wasn't addictive, or difficult to stop. My point is it's totally self perpetuating. I tend to think the addiction is a symptom. All the programs designed to help are a good thing, but the power relies in the person to stop. By all means help them find a path to recovery, but they have to want it.

    Good technical discussion. :tongue:
  • JokkeJokke Nuvsvaag, Norway Icrontian
    edited May 2009
    <object width="425" height="344">This one always makes me think.


    <embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/7bbaRyDLMvA&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></object>
  • GnomeWizarddGnomeWizardd Member 4 Life Akron, PA Icrontian
    edited May 2009
    So true man
  • SPIKE09SPIKE09 Scatland
    edited May 2009
    Wow what a change from when he was drinking, He used to be the wild man of the UK standup comedy circuit as his alter-ego Bing Hitler. :buck:
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