Best Of

@WagsFTW said:
You two look great!! Was the secret moving out of Beer City?

Thanks, This was a big factor, though Cinci has a good beer scene as well.

@primesuspect said:
The social cost is very small.

There are many companies (in tech especially) where that isn't true, and the social cost begets a career cost. I have to be very careful as Vanilla grows that I don't accidentally encourage a get-drinks-with-your-boss path to promotion, because I do enjoy the hell out of going to the bar with a few people. It takes real effort. I mentally keep tabs of after-hours drinks and make sure the folks who need to get home to their kids periodically get an extra lunch instead. Or we kick off work early so everyone can join, and order appetizer so the non-drinkers still have something to socialize over. And I'm not suggesting I'm super enlightened about it, I'm highlighting how easy it is to slip into the default.

I also know this song, but my epiphany was a lot longer ago. I over-drank myself a few times as a teen, and hated it. I didn't like being drunk, and I didn't like my friends when they were drunk. I didn't drink at all in my 20s, and I didn't allow drinking at events I hosted because my memories of teen drinking parties were such poor points. EVENTUALLY, Betsy talked me into relenting because she had friends who wouldn't come to our events unless they were allowed to have a few beers, and I learned after a while that people in their 30s having a few drinks are much different from teenagers who have a few drinks. But mostly I don't even like the drinks, and I limit myself to one drink at any given occasion.

I started drinking more when we got to Germany because my new friends were suspicious of a guy who didn't want a beer after boardgames night, but I finally gave it up last month. I was drinking a drink I didn't really like, and that wasn't good for me, just to fit in, and I decided to stop. The guys - jokingly - gave me shit for the first couple weeks, but after that no one even brought it up. They all had beers, and I had a Coke Light, and we played more games, and it was fine. I still get a funny look from the waiter at the beer hall, but whatever. I expect I will have more drinks occasionally just to not look like a weirdo here in Germany, but not every week anymore.

Yesterday went well. The get together was much smaller than planned. I think my wife told the gang I would not be bringing the beer because she didn't stop to do that. I just follow orders.

In about a month I have all my work peers flying in and we all get a hotel and down a conference for a couple days where the drinks will flow in the evenings. IT guys obsess about fancy craft beer and spirits. It's a thing. I'm over it, but with this bunch I don't think there will be any awful social pressure. They will be too into whatever they are doing to notice if I got a bottle or not so I'm not too worried about it.

It's not like I'll never enjoy a drink again, but my mindset is kind of like @primesuspect - maybe on a very special occasion I'll order a really nice cocktail or I'll be at the ballpark and say, okay, I'll do one light beer with a hot dog because I have not done that in forever. I'm kind of done with drunkenness though. I feel like I've sort of outgrown it, it doesn't appeal to me anymore and frankly, drunken people, I used to find them sort of entertaining, but after some experiences in the last year or so, I just kind of feel sorry for them and I just don't want to see it or be around it, and the best way to do that is just abstain.

It was sort of cathartic to write this all down. I don't really like to get into discussions about it. I almost feel like the people that know about my new stance on drinking, it gives them a complex, like I'm judging them or something if they like to drink, which I'm not, because in a way I still really like to drink, I've just decided it's better for me if I don't. When my stepson found out yesterday it was an adjustment for him, like he internalized it that I didn't want to drink with him. I think he got over that hurdle very quickly, like it’s not a problem once he had a few minutes to process it, but people seem genuinely surprised. Like I know my wife is at times, she would avoid eating places that had a bar and I assured her, it isn't an issue, I'll just order tea, I like tea, it's all good.

Thanks Icrontic for giving me a place to post my little internal monologue. I really appreciate it.

Got fat again, lost it again. Luckily it took six years to gain it back, but only a few months to lose it.