Best Of

Alpha Protocol reminds me of a game I played when I was a lot younger called Spy Fiction. Spy Fiction was a middling game, at best. It had a generic title, typical 'we played Metal Gear Solid once' gameplay, and a storyline that you couldn't care less about. The only thing that kept it going was mechanics and gadgets. I remember thinking that I didn't _hate_ Spy Fiction... but I also didn't really _like_ it. It was just a way to pass the time. Spy Fiction was, to me, what video games must be to people who couldn't really care less about video games. Like, those "I can see the appeal, but I'm just not interested" types of people. "I guess it's a little neat, but eh." _If you can 'hack a computer' in a hospital gown with no tools, the sysadmin wasn't paying attention. If physical access is easy to get on your computer, then protect your bios, boot order, and single-user mode, people._ Alpha Protocol seems to be the spiritual successor to Spy Fiction. It's like someone played Metal Gear Solid 2 and thought the storyline was too confusing to follow, so they dumbed it down. Then, they gave it to marketing and marketing said 'no, fuck all this dialogue you've recorded, people like snappy one-liners, I want every phrase to try and be a snappy one-liner.' Then, they ran out of money for QA. _Ragdolls._ They always run out of money for QA. It could have been so good, too. The real soul behind Alpha Protocol is the decision making. Sure, you only make five or so SERIOUS decisions in the game (otherwise, you decide whether you want to make a Michael Scott level snappy-one liner in an angry, professional, or suave voice), but when those important decisions come up and you choose, you legitimately get the feeling that you should have saved beforehand to see what the OTHER choice held. And when the game reminds you that you made that choice down the line, you think back and try to figure out how things might have played out if you'd taken that OTHER path, and left the OTHER jerk alive... and you're left thinking 'damn, there must be an entire other half of the GAME that I'm missing.' I have no idea if that's the case, though. Maybe the game shoehorns you onto the storyline no matter what your choice is. Either way, it gives the player the FEELING that their choice made a difference. That's about the only shining quality that AP has, though. Otherwise, everything is just... middling. Not bad, not good. Middling (and easily exploitable) mechanics, middling story, middling voice acting (I take that back... terrible voice acting), middling controls on the PC port (ports are seriously the worst HOW DO YOU STAND TURNING SO SLOWLY WITH A JOYSTICK), middling dialogue, a middling buy/sell and inventory system, middling character-building (lol which weapon do you want to specialize in)... I mean, they tried. Honestly, this game just needed polish. Flesh out the characters a little better, make the writing more believable, get some guards that don't stare at walls, pull the stick from the voice actors' collective ass... we could have had something here. Better ragdolls. Guards that turn like humans, not spinning tops. Fewer minigames with more variety and realism. Instead, it's just... well... I can see the appeal, but I'm just not interested. _Henchman 101: "Wall inspection is to be done off company time."_