Best Of

Dishonored

Oh shit, I didn't review this?

I was actually pretty pleased to get in on this game. I really like the idea of a clockwork world, and dystopian society, and magic, and stealth... I mean, pretty much everything in this game is my favorite trope.

There WAAAAAS a problem, though. There are achievements for: 1. Never being spotted, 2. Never killing a target, 3. Finishing the game with low chaos, and 4. Not using any magic.

So I did all those. It was... disappointing.

The magic was really thrilling - and I wish I'd used it. You should definitely use it. Being spotted seemed like it might have been a lot of fun. Never killing a target? Let's face it, they're masochists. Fuck them up. And as for low chaos... well, alright. At least you get the good ending that way. I am still kicking myself for not engaging in proper hand-to-hand combat - the block mechanic looked really cool, too!

As with all these games, it seems, there was a sense of storyline-polish that was missing. The general storyline? Brilliant. But... the motives for some characters? Their methods? Well, I get the sense this may have been a Dr. Seuss book gone wrong... everything is so simplistic, as a vehicle for the (admittedly very smooth) gameplay.

One day I hope to find a game where the storyline is gripping, the characters are dynamic, the gameplay is fluid, and the theme is thrilling... Dishonored is almost, ALMOST on the mark.

But not quite.

Hitman: Blood Money

I'm back!

But there's not much to say here. I was re-reading all my old reviews and... well, it turns out this game is just Hitman 2: Silent Assassin with better graphics and fewer bugs. They don't care about sound as much, at least, but the plot is still as paper-thin as always, the stealth is just... it's just awful - once again, patience with no tension = boredom. During one of the last missions, I waited for around seven to eight minutes in one spot just for the target to enter an elevator so I could take his clothes and waltz unhampered through the rest of the level. Nobody saw me, nobody asked what I was doing, nobody else used the elevator all night - nothing. No tension, just enough time to make a sandwich and get a beer.

Sorry, map designers. Bet you thought those guard patrol routes would be really cool, too.

They added an 'accidents' feature, which generally involves finding a button somewhere in the level that kills the target for you - which is fairly cool from a cinematic point of view. Otherwise, do not play.

EDIT: you know what? There was, in fact, at least one REALLY solid part to the game:

[spoiler]During the credits, Agent 47's funeral, the world is blurry while Ave Maria plays. The HUD is missing. From time to time, a heartbeat is heard. During the heartbeat, the world shifts into perfect clarity, then falls right back to blurriness. With his silverballers placed on his chest, you imagine that at some point the credits will stop, and you will be forced to kill... no, there are like, ten bodyguards in close proximity. There's no way.

You never wake up. You just fall into the cremation chamber.

...Unless you were ITCHING to wake up. If you start hitting the controls, the heartbeats speed up. The HUD reappears. And, eventually, 47 stands up for one last firefight.

The firefight was the same as it always is in these games. But that presentation... that was pretty innovative. I could do with more of that sort of design.[/spoiler]