Beer Drinker's Troubleshooting Guide

DogDragonDogDragon primesuspectJacksonville, Fl Icrontian
edited October 2007 in Food & Drink
This may be Helpful

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Symptom: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction; beer is unusually pale and clear.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Fault: Glass empty [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Action: Find someone to buy you another beer[/FONT]


[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Symptom: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction; front of your shirt is wet [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Fault: Mouth not open when drinking OR glass applied to wrong part of face [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Action: Buy another beer and practise in front of mirror; drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique![/FONT]


[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Symptom: Feet cold and wet [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Action: Turn glass other way so that open end points towards ceiling![/FONT]


[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Symptom: Feet warm and wet [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Fault: Improper bladder control [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Action: Go and stand next to nearest dog; after a while, complain loudly to owner about lack of house training and demand a beer as compensation![/FONT]


[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Symptom: Floor blurred [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Fault: You are looking through the bottom of an empty glass [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Action: Find someone to buy you another beer[/FONT]


[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Symptom: Floor swaying [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Fault: Excessive air turbulence, probably due to air-hockey game in progress in bar [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Action: Insert broomhandle down back of shirt.[/FONT]


[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Symptom: Floor moving [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Fault: You are being carried out. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Action: Find out if you are simply being taken to another bar. If not, complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.[/FONT]


[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Symptom: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent light strips! [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Fault: You have fallen over backwards [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Action: If your glass is full - and no one is standing on your drinking arm - stay put and carry on. If not, get someone to help you up; attach self to bar.[/FONT]


[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Symptom: Everything has gone dim; your mouth is full of cigarette butts [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Fault: You have fallen forwards [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Action: See above[/FONT]


[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Symptom: Everything has gone dark [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Fault: The pub is closed [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Action: Panic!!![/FONT]


[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Symptom: You awaken to find your bed cold, hard and wet; you can not see anything in your bedroom. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Fault: You have spent the night in the gutter [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] Action: Check your watch to see if the pubs are open yet; if not, treat yourself to a sleep-in! [/FONT]
[/FONT]
Sign In or Register to comment.