[BLOG] Taking online friendships offline

primesuspect

An interesting point was made to me tonight. A friend said "I've found that the longer one talks with someone online and the better they get to know each other, the more awkward the first face-to-face meeting is."

At first I dismissed it. I've met hundreds of people (most of whom I consider close friends) from the internet, in "real life". Not only were these meetings NOT awkward, but they have represented some of the most authentic and fulfilling moments of my life.

Then I thought it about it more. I realize that maybe "awkward" is the wrong word. I remembered the high anxiety I had the very first time I met people from Icrontic (then Short-Media) for the SM LAN 2004. It was the first time we had planned a real-life gathering of community members from all over the place.

I was freaking out. The anxiety came from not knowing all the little details (how tall or short are they REALLY? What do they smell like? Do they breathe funny?) that can't be discovered from online relationships. We can get a pretty good grip on what a person's going to be like through their online personality, their pictures, and their voices, but there are certain intangibles that only come across when you are in the same room with a person.

Of course, the moments after the initial meeting dissolve into comfort, as you realize that the person standing before you is the person who you have been friends with online for a long time. The tension goes away almost immediately.

I think what she meant was that the anticipation is the awkward part. Your mind fills in the blanks and it's the uncertainty that makes you sweat it a little bit.

So for those who questioned my comment earlier (I originally posed this thought on my Twitter stream), I don't think I had enough room to clarify the point.

How do you handle first time meetings with people you've only known online?

UPSLynx

As I said on Twitter, this is a very legitimate point - especially now that you've expanded your thoughts on it. One of my best online friends is a guy that I first met when I got a PC that was internet-capable. I found him randomly in ICQ, found out he was a gamer, so we started playing Delta Force online together. Then it was UT, then it was Half-Life. Then voice chat was invented (read: went mainstream).

We talked for well over 3 years when I found out he lives in Michigan, and we were only a few hours apart. So Kingpin drove up, picked him up, and brought him down for a week.

It was TERRIBLY 'awkward' as I drove over to Kingpin's house to meet him. And at first, awkward words were exchanged - though that's mostly to my introvert-innate personality. I remember the first thing he said as I walked into the room was 'holy crap, you are tall.'

But that was a great week. I didn't get to hang around with the crew as much as I wanted due to work, but it was a very surreal and fun week.

A slightly similar meeting happened just 2 months ago at SIGGRAPH. At last year's conference, I met Cherplunka in San Diego. It was for the most part a rather brief meeting. But we swapped business cards and kept in contact. For the next year we talked almost exclusively through email. We met up again for the first time in a year at this year's SIGGRAPH.

Now, that exchange wasn't awkward, but what was strange about the whole thing was now we knew much more about each other without any face-to-face communication. So even though we had been talking for a year, it was logically confusing because in the back of your mind, this is the first time you've seen this person in a year. It felt like there had been a manifest of knowledge on this person that just came from nowhere.

Meeting Prime and Keebler the first time wasn't awkward whatsoever. It was more like I showed up and it was all HEY LYNX! WELCOME! BEER! It was great. And the IC LAN? Pretty much the same. There were so many IC regulars there, I was excited to get in and meet everyone.

This internet, it's a crazy thing we have.

Shorty

Meeting the guys @ the first LAN was a weird experience. Over the years (in some cases) I have become very good friends with so many of them (Brian, Matt, Thom, the two Robs, Seth, Q.. the list is endless).

I didn't however feel nervous, just glad to finally be able to put a face to a name and have a real conversation. The two LANs I have attended have been amazing for me on a personal level, meeting people who I have so much respect and admiration for. This year I met new people (Jackie, Anne, Nick, Eli, Bobby, Jared, Richard, Paulo... another long list!) and it was fantastic. I have good friends over here in the UK but it's great to hang with a totally different crew.

Handling it isn't hard just making sure you don't miss meeting someone is more important. You can NEVER have enough friends, colleagues, accomplices, confidants and acquiantances.

rolleggroll

High anxiety and perhaps apprehensiveness are the two words I use to describe my meetings with people I know online. I always try to be a little bit more reserved so I won't offend people. I'm a jokester (or ass) by nature and I'm not afraid to let you know that you just said / did something stupid.

Meeting everyone at ICHQ for the LAN was nerve-wracking. Not because I was nervous or anything - well maybe I was a little nervous, I didn't want to get butt-raped or anything - oh wait, that happened somewhat. But since I met everyone under such a unique circumstance I could say that it was more of an ice-breaker. "Hey everyone this is Eggroll, he is loved by the TSA" is easier in conversation then "Wow. Lynx you are ****ing tall" followed by a silence. I'd rather hear laughter than silence.

I think it was already implied but never said, a majority of the time when you do meet people you have known online it usually strengthens the bond you have. You suddenly have a larger sense of camaraderie.

And that is a great feeling.