[BLOG] The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

primesuspect

This has been a day that can't figure out whether it is going to be remembered as a great day or a complete piece of shit for me. There were many ups, and many downs.

My walk reflected this as well. It was a beautiful warm night, with a gentle and steady rain. This was the day all the trees bloomed, and suddenly there are leaves everywhere. Everything smells fresh and delightful. A cop drove by me at 3:30 in the morning and I thought for sure she was gonna harrass me, but instead she just waved and drove on by.

Of course, there were earthworms everywhere and my rhythm was severely impacted by trying to avoid them when I could. My muscle pain was intense tonight, even worse than last night. My shoes got soaked. I don't feel like I made any progress exercise-wise tonight; I didn't walk very far (1.25 miles) and my pace sucked.

That basically explains my whole day. I made some major accomplishments Icrontic-wise, made major progress on a big project, spent a lot of excellent quality time with my boys and had a great bonding day with them, got to see my mom whom I don't see very often, my dad brought food and delicious home made maple syrup from our very own trees, and I planned a barbecue with Scott on Wednesday. I also have something brewing in the personal life department that I am very excited about. In addition, I restarted my Fitday account like I said I wanted to. And finally, I'm proud of my diet today.

Sounds great, mostly, but...

Today I got into a very deep conversation with my ex, which actually drove me to tears. We both opened up some very old wounds and I found out some things today that hurt me all over again. Money continues to be exceptionally tight and I despair that Icrontic will ever be able to actually support me at even a modest lifestyle. I had a bunch of technical problems with hardware today that set me back on a project about 4 hours. I am not at all happy with the physical progress of my weight loss, and looking at myself I see no changes. I see myself on video and basically hate it. I feel like I'll be a disappointment to someone that I desperately want to not disappoint.

I just don't know what to make of any of it. I'm not really in a mood to analyze things anymore. I'll just keep ****ing walking until I can run, and then I'll run until I'm where I want to be.

Step by step, right?

Krystalle

While I'm sorry to hear you had such a craptastic discussion that turned the day meh, the important thing is not to let it derail your progress. Just chalk it up as a crappy day, treat yourself to something a little extra for being good about your exercise/diet (non-food, like say an extra half-hour of gaming or time to just relax and read a book), and start again tomorrow.

*hugs* You're very inspiring, hon. You can do this!

poofie

it's awesome that you can still appreciate the good things that happened today, when you are obviously disappointed with the bad things. most people would just say "my day sucked!" and forget all about the nice stuff.

as for the ex... ouch. but maybe a good ouch? i had a similar conversation yesterday (shocking) and even though it hurt and put me in a funk, i was proud of how open about my feelings i was. step by step. (and now i have that theme song in my head...)

i think the Fitday account will help tremendously. tracking your diet will help you realize what you're actually putting into your mouth. it may surprise you! i know, when i first started doing all this, i tracked what i ate without changing my diet for around 2 weeks, just to see what my eating habits were, and i was a little disgusted with myself. it can be a real eye-opener.

i'd give you an encouraging slap on the ass if i had arms that long!

QCH

Hang in there Brian... every step in your walk is more than you use to do so it IS a step in the right direction. Life is not suppose to be easy, right? It is suppose to make you work at even the simplest things. Why? You can appreciate it more when you finally get to where you want to be. If dieting was easy, if exercise was easy, if relationships were easy... everyone would be with the one they loved, be in that perfect BMI zone, and food would be a necessity not a desire.

I firmly believe that the struggles we are forced to endure are tempering us for something we have yet to face. The effort you put into understanding your emotions will make you a better person and might just make future relationships healthier.

So, again, hang in there and things WILL get better.

Winfrey

I would have got a bucket, picked up the worms, and then gone fishing with them.