[BLOG] When days become moments
primesuspect
Beepin n' BoopinDetroit, MI Icrontian
These last couple of days I've been in a serious funk, as you can see from my recent blog posts. I had another crappy day today, with a lot of setbacks, and I just kind of resigned myself to waiting it out until my luck (or the weather!) changed.
I started my walk way later than I wanted (2:30 AM) and realized when I got outside how freakishly cold it is right now. It has to be around 40 again, which is insane for this time of year. I was not feeling it, and had already decided I was going for a mile at a brisk pace. My legs felt better tonight, I didn't have the pain, and I set a decent pace, so I figured one mile at a fast pace would be fine.
I got to the half mile point and stopped; it was a four-way intersection. I could have turned around and walked back and been done with my mile. But I stopped myself and had an internal monologue.
"You always do this," I said.
"You always pick the easiest way out."
"You have a reason to be doing this; are you gonna bitch out now?"
I made a choice at that moment, and continued straight, committing to a two mile walk.
I realized then that even though philosophically I grasp the concept of the present moment (a core of the Buddhist teachings), I rarely put any of it into action. The present moment is more than simply "here"—it consists of the choices you make at that moment as well. Every moment I exist, a choice is being made by me, and that choice has a consequence. This, despite popular misconception, is the real definition of karma.
I need to make better choices on a moment-to-moment basis.
Anyways, I realize my blogs have probably become a bit stodgy and full of psychobabble. Back to the real reason we're here.
Recently I've been interacting with some very sexy people and gotten involved in a little fetish-based web community which has really opened my eyes. I realized that glancing at a gigantic list of fetishes is an exercise in diversity; I had no idea so many things turned people on. I used to consider myself pretty experienced and open minded, but man, some of the things people are in to!
Even more surprising has been getting to know people well enough to learn what turns them on; suffice to say you never know what you never know, until you know it. Then, when you know it, it's ****ing hot.
I'd be lying if I said that this train of thought didn't play some small role in my decision not to turn around and go home. Yes, I made a choice, but a part of it was driven by the desire to make good on some of the fantasies I've held on to for years. I have to go back to the beginning and remember that I'm doing this for a reason; and one of the biggest reasons is to get crazy with a sexy woman. Perhaps that sexy woman is reading this now.
Thanks to her, whoever she is. Thanks for helping me make the right decision
I started my walk way later than I wanted (2:30 AM) and realized when I got outside how freakishly cold it is right now. It has to be around 40 again, which is insane for this time of year. I was not feeling it, and had already decided I was going for a mile at a brisk pace. My legs felt better tonight, I didn't have the pain, and I set a decent pace, so I figured one mile at a fast pace would be fine.
I got to the half mile point and stopped; it was a four-way intersection. I could have turned around and walked back and been done with my mile. But I stopped myself and had an internal monologue.
"You always do this," I said.
"You always pick the easiest way out."
"You have a reason to be doing this; are you gonna bitch out now?"
I made a choice at that moment, and continued straight, committing to a two mile walk.
I realized then that even though philosophically I grasp the concept of the present moment (a core of the Buddhist teachings), I rarely put any of it into action. The present moment is more than simply "here"—it consists of the choices you make at that moment as well. Every moment I exist, a choice is being made by me, and that choice has a consequence. This, despite popular misconception, is the real definition of karma.
I need to make better choices on a moment-to-moment basis.
Anyways, I realize my blogs have probably become a bit stodgy and full of psychobabble. Back to the real reason we're here.
Recently I've been interacting with some very sexy people and gotten involved in a little fetish-based web community which has really opened my eyes. I realized that glancing at a gigantic list of fetishes is an exercise in diversity; I had no idea so many things turned people on. I used to consider myself pretty experienced and open minded, but man, some of the things people are in to!
Even more surprising has been getting to know people well enough to learn what turns them on; suffice to say you never know what you never know, until you know it. Then, when you know it, it's ****ing hot.
I'd be lying if I said that this train of thought didn't play some small role in my decision not to turn around and go home. Yes, I made a choice, but a part of it was driven by the desire to make good on some of the fantasies I've held on to for years. I have to go back to the beginning and remember that I'm doing this for a reason; and one of the biggest reasons is to get crazy with a sexy woman. Perhaps that sexy woman is reading this now.
Thanks to her, whoever she is. Thanks for helping me make the right decision
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Comments
You and me both, brother.
I have full confidence that you can pull this shit off. Just keep going.