[BLOG] Some random thoughts Part 1
I've been thinking it's about time to write this down...so here goes nothing. I strangely don't miss Theresa at all romantically. I knew for months that our relationship had gone downhill and despite all my greatest efforts to breath life back into it, I saw it failing miserably. I feel like the greatest part of my depression is over, and the introduction of a couple new friends this week has made me feel quite a bit better in general. What is still getting me though is the sheer 'aloneness' of it all. My roommate isn't here much, and when he is he's with his girlfriend. Campus is empty for the summer. My summer class is a massive course with little to no interaction between people, and people scoot out once class is over. I've tried local bars to no avail, same with coffee shops.
I miss sleeping next to someone every night, the feel of a warm body against mine, breathing in unison and in perfect peace. I miss scratching my 'itchy-face' (morning before I shave) against the back of a neck and having someone squirm away playfully. I miss watching TV or movies with someone, cooking for more than one....having someone here to be concerned about me. I have been forgetting to eat, which is a bad thing, but I'm setting an alarm to remind me so that should help. I also miss being able to sleep all night; before this I could sleep for twelve to fourteen hours straight...tonight I felt I achieved a great accomplishment sleeping three and a half hours before waking up and being unable to achieve sleep again.
I guess most of all, I miss being felt needed. It was a huge blow when I was essentially told that I wasn't good enough, and knowing my replacement after seeing him edge me out for months. I grew up in a household where my father hung the stars according to my mother, and I miss the feeling of that.
Luckily, some good things have come out of this. When I am eating, I am eating in a much more healthy manner, and I am hitting the gym much harder than ever before. I have pulled my 'trendy' clothes back out and am wearing my contacts regularly in the first time in a couple years.
With the LSAT coming up and preparing tentative travel plans for the remainder of the summer when I am not in class, I have been pretty busy. Also, this has given me a greater feeling of freedom about the rest of my life, but sometimes stuff just feels hopeless still, no matter how much I know it shouldn't.
To conclude, I know my problems are small and I'm young, so it shouldn't matter really, but it does to me and I needed a way to get some of it off my chest. I'd like to thank all the people that matter (you know who you are) for listening to me moan and complain and be there for me, it means more than you will ever know. Plus I've been meaning to use the new blog feature for a while now.
I feel moved on, but this has really helped a lot still, writing seems so cathartic for some reason. Writing this with CMT on has not been helpful at all, because every song played during this has been some sort of sad song -.-. Thanks everyone for the time you spent reading this.
I miss sleeping next to someone every night, the feel of a warm body against mine, breathing in unison and in perfect peace. I miss scratching my 'itchy-face' (morning before I shave) against the back of a neck and having someone squirm away playfully. I miss watching TV or movies with someone, cooking for more than one....having someone here to be concerned about me. I have been forgetting to eat, which is a bad thing, but I'm setting an alarm to remind me so that should help. I also miss being able to sleep all night; before this I could sleep for twelve to fourteen hours straight...tonight I felt I achieved a great accomplishment sleeping three and a half hours before waking up and being unable to achieve sleep again.
I guess most of all, I miss being felt needed. It was a huge blow when I was essentially told that I wasn't good enough, and knowing my replacement after seeing him edge me out for months. I grew up in a household where my father hung the stars according to my mother, and I miss the feeling of that.
Luckily, some good things have come out of this. When I am eating, I am eating in a much more healthy manner, and I am hitting the gym much harder than ever before. I have pulled my 'trendy' clothes back out and am wearing my contacts regularly in the first time in a couple years.
With the LSAT coming up and preparing tentative travel plans for the remainder of the summer when I am not in class, I have been pretty busy. Also, this has given me a greater feeling of freedom about the rest of my life, but sometimes stuff just feels hopeless still, no matter how much I know it shouldn't.
To conclude, I know my problems are small and I'm young, so it shouldn't matter really, but it does to me and I needed a way to get some of it off my chest. I'd like to thank all the people that matter (you know who you are) for listening to me moan and complain and be there for me, it means more than you will ever know. Plus I've been meaning to use the new blog feature for a while now.
I feel moved on, but this has really helped a lot still, writing seems so cathartic for some reason. Writing this with CMT on has not been helpful at all, because every song played during this has been some sort of sad song -.-. Thanks everyone for the time you spent reading this.
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Comments
Glad things are picking up for you