[BLOG] The Great American Road Trip: Icrontic Expo ‘09

_k_k P-Town, Texas Icrontian
edited November -1 in Community
Disclaimer: This edition of the Great American Road Trip involves mostly shens and the Icrontic LAN/EXPO of ought 9.

As the sun starts to slowly poke its burning head over the horizon our lonely road warrior throws the last LAN cable in the car before turning to wave good bye at the start of this pilgrimage to the hall of heroes. With the burning of the mist from the highways and byways so does _k’s vehicle burn the spirits of creatures past in his mad dash from Plano, Texas to Spottsville, Kentucky. This trip is fairly uneventful except for the frantic nature of the pace being set because of the mere 756 miles that need to be covered by one man with one goal in mind, a destination that will allude him for another 500 miles after his eventual layover. 12 hours later, one McDonald’s lunch from a gas station, and 2 wrong turns _k rolled into his grandparents home in a dazed stupor not sure of what state he is in or if he really made his mid-point destination in reality or is this simply a dream coming true.

_k spent the next day laying about wondering about the horrors and excitement that would await him in less than 48 hours. Those of you who do not know farm life is different, early to rise and late to bed with short hard work sporadically throughout the day given that you live on a small cattle farm. Thankfully _k knows of the excretion that would come and his grandmother saves him from it citing the remainder of the trip and how he needs to take her with him. This is to protect him from the dangerous riff raff that inhabits the Detroit metropolis.

With a small batch of homemade cookies in hand and nervous apprehension in his stomach this first time LANer lets the butterflies in his stomach carry him the remaining 500 miles. Fair warning for those traveling through Ohio, the bears fly in planes and if you do not understand that illusion find the classic country song Convoy. As _k circled the block once to make sure the correct house had been found he knocks boldly at the front door, the first mistake. Slowly someone unbolts and attempts to pull the dirt covered door free wondering who it could be, only to find a strange asking for Brian, primesuspect. Once the introductions are made and everyone shares their aliases everyone is filled with smiles and open hands because the douche of the forums and IRC has a face. This face, as people would find out later, belongs to a person under the name of Michael Wilson who is the author. Throughout the weekend though everyone knew me as k and it felt unnatural to call anyone by their real name, prime would later describe his feelings on this matter at the end of the week.

ICHQ is one interesting place. There are cables run every which way, sumo bags and stacks of tech/gamer junk, and piles of alcohol around every corner. The best part of the house to me is the closet of no return, where “computers go to die”. I quickly found a place in the basement where I could get my lan box set up and check everything out, it just happened to be on the table with the kids computers. For me this was a benefit because these were to center pieces to Icrontic that I had very little experience getting to know. After a day or two I found how crazy Perry is but awesome-o with his love of retro games and desire to act the way that follows his heart the most. While Kyle seemed extremely grounded and centered for a person his age. Sitting down in the basement listening to the noise coming from up the stairs made me realize that I could not sleep down there and should find a spot to place my tent so that at night when I wanted to I could be alone.

Setting up my tent gave me a chance to talk to Jokke, a visitor from Norway, a bit and watch him almost drool over my camelback backpack. I have the civilian version that the current military packs are based off of. After getting all my gear set up inside and in the backyard I was starving because I prompted to skip lunch to have an earlier arrival time thus a 7:00 P.M. dinner time was horrendous on my empty stomach. Just so happens while I was eating everyone left to eat their dinner as a group but this gave me a moment to get my mind around the idea of me actually being in Warren, Michigan for the Icrontic EXPO, its freaking SWEET! When everyone arrived home people slowly migrated to the back porch where under the glow of tiki torches the night discussions and sleazy conversations began. This is where I started to learn of Anne’s sexual desires and overall lack of boundaries between most people present. After hours of sweating from head to toe, shooting the bull and pointless witty quips I called it a night.

The next few days were spent meeting everyone arriving by car and plan and people realizing that I am not the same person that I am online, in a positive manner. The other major revelation was the schedule needed to keep pace with everyone else at ICHQ; rise at 8:30 for a shower-brunch-hanging out-dinner-gaming-sleep when the sun rises. When Wednesday night rolled around all events except for tournaments were in full effect. There were plenty of shens nightly and drama llamas while strange and sounds emanating from bedrooms and tents every hour.

Thursday dawned with the air of competition as I awakened filled with my eye on the prize, first place in the Left 4 Dead tournament with team Drunk Monks. Scouting for information and people’s practice schedules revealed that we were the favored team to win because of the time all four members of the team had been putting in on the game; _k, Preacher, DOC, and Rexxar. Round after round and can of Dr. Pepper slammed back to back allowed the smoke to clear the math to add up and team Drunk Monks to come forth as the rulers of L4D at EXPO ought 9. The championship game was cut short when Snark saw that it was impossible for his team to win and simply shut down the server. With the weight of my favored event out of the way it was time to cut loose and mix things up.

//CENSORED

The next day was much of the same, games and continuing shens from the night past. This morning though two men walked out of their rooms with very triumphant looks along their faces and a certain swagger in their step. Laser tag was a great event to do as a group because it allowed for Icrontians to bring our own white and humor to people that would never see it before. By the time we left Laser Quest I had the feeling they were glad to see us gone. It could have been from the screaming of the player’s code, inappropriate aliases, or the Icrontic salute in our group picture.

Friday was the first massive team tournament, Unreal Tournament 2004. This game is always played at EXPO because “it can run on a toaster” so everyone has a chance to compete in a nightly event even if they are still running their commodore. I was on the losing team and this is not a game I play more than once a year so I will just walk away from this section of the tale with the frustration in my soul.

The biggest surprise of the night was mas0n believing he was going to dinner and ending up at ICHQ for his birthday curtsey of my sister and a few benefactors.

//CENSORED

This night was climaxed by the early morning couch lulz of massive amounts of pictures and piles of men on a single woman. Novak spurred most of these lecherous actions. Though, the spectacular GIF of Magic touching himself was all his own doing.

Saturday was the big day…..TF2. Teams were picked with captains, 4 teams in all. The tournament was done in round robin style with the first team with 2 wins takes a by to the championship but the last round was a single match winner takes all. kind of unfair for whoever was doing well, Jimmie’s team, which I was a member of. For the championship the underdogs picked the map, more fairness thanks Magic. We were behind for all except the last 10 minutes when the team turned around and sent the game into OT which we gracefully won. So that made 2 out of 3 tournaments winning first place.

That night we had the beautifully done Icrontic in review movie, gift presentation, and prize drawings. Prime and Keebs were blown away by the fact that the people they lend their lives and house to would buy them such spectacular items such as a Cannon 30D and a 1080p camcorder. Much love to both of those men for everything they do for us, as well to the volunteers and staff of Icrontic.

After the events were over the party went a little crazy. Pants came off, people were whipped, things were drank, and mas0n passed out some more and good times all around.

_k krazy tent //CENSORED
Ya right like you get to know what happened.

Sunday was full of good byes and tearing down the LAN tent. We honored Prime’s birthday that night after he showed us where young prime spent his days learning the ways of manhood. It is on the drive home from dinner that Prime illustrated the similarities that he saw between the bar scene from the 70s and 60s with the internet era. Telling stories of people’s death and not knowing them by name but merely a nick that told of their exploits.

Monday was full of tears as I departed from ICHQ saying farewell to Keebs. I did not get far before my car would not start. After some time sleeping and some money spent I was eggstatic to learn that my vehicle merely thought I was stealing it and shut off the fuel pump. Arriving at my grandmother’s house for a quick meal and a long night sleep did little to shake the cob webs from my head but I still had many miles to go and many more adventures on the road. The last leg of my trip was full of dodging luggage, shredded tires, cars, and roof racks; sprinkle in the crazy maniac every few hundred miles and this will keep anyone awake no matter how mentally fatigued they believe they are. Unpacking my vehicle made the thought of next years LAN wiggle in my mind and of the other great life experiences I will have once again up there at ICHQ.

For all of you that I met in Warren you will ever hold a special place in my heart, no matter how bad I hear you are in bed.

Comments

  • primesuspectprimesuspect Beepin n' Boopin Detroit, MI Icrontian
    From what I've heard I'm not actually that bad in bed. I'll let others comment, though.
  • fatcatfatcat Mizzou Icrontian
    nice blog sir.
  • UPSLynxUPSLynx :KAPPA: Redwood City, CA Icrontian
    awesome post. Looking forward to more shens in 2010!

    "By the time we left Laser Quest I had the feeling they were glad to see us gone. It could have been from the screaming of the player’s code, inappropriate aliases, or the Icrontic salute in our group picture."

    So frigging true. This fact was almost as enjoyable as the actual game. Players code said no swearing, and then there's Prime yelling Tourettes guy quotes while playing. Wonderful
  • rolleggrollrolleggroll Next to a bowl of rice
    pants. oh dear.
  • primesuspectprimesuspect Beepin n' Boopin Detroit, MI Icrontian
    MEN'S ASSES
  • _k_k P-Town, Texas Icrontian
    hair pants
  • LincLinc Owner Detroit Icrontian
    Great post.
  • racerace Tejas
    I didn't know you wrote and I certainly didn't know you wrote like this. :-)
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