Going "cold turkey"

Cliff_Forster

I have something massive weighing on my mind, and I feel like if I start working some of it out in writting it will be therapeutic, and maybe even help me get on the right track. I feel like enough people here know me to understand, and I could use some support right now, a friendly voice.

I'm in the middle of an existential mid life crisis. I'm 37 and I'm not sure who I am. Recently something has happened that has turned my life on its ear. I look in the mirror in the morning and I know I'm to blame. I don't want to get into all the intimate details, but the long and short of it is this, I avoid problems, and believe it or not, I avoid real conflict, I mean the real stuff, dealing with the important things that help a person grow and improve, I shirk it all, I avoid dealing with it, and its put a massive strain on my most cherished personal relationship. There is more to it than that, but what I know for certain is that I must change.

When I stand back and look at everything, with limited time for work, for parenthood and then for personal stuff, I look at it objectively now and say, wow, I've really neglected someone important here, and she is hurting. So many things need to change, but I have to start somewhere, and I think that is giving up gaming. I'm 37, I have so many responsibilities, I just don't have time for the hobby anymore. I don't want to end up like that guy that choose his EverQuest obsession over his marriage. While I can say to myself, "I'm not like that guy", "It's not that bad", the only way to really find out is to walk away from the hobby for a while, see what my life is like without it. No compromise, just straight cold turkey. It's amazing how those $5 Steam games beckon you, make you feel committed to your little investment, to sit and make something of them, play it even if your short on the time, even if your failing to meet other commitments. I feel like the only thing gaming is doing for me right now is making me fatter and more detached from the things and people that really matter. I have to re wire myself, walk away, cut my loses, and be okay with that. I'm actually wondering if that in some minor spiritual way this coincides with some Buddhist teachings? To eliminate an attachment, something that impedes the journey. Maybe this is the first step in finally seeing what's important? Finding myself, being more available to the people most important to me.

So, this may seem a bit eccentric, but I'm publicly committing that I'm taking a long break from gaming and from practicing as a desktop computer enthusiast by proxy. Maybe forever? I'm not saying I'll never build another PC or anything like that, I'm just saying its going to shift to a really low personal priority. It's so strange because I thought a good part of my identity was wrapped up in this stuff, but now I'm wondering if it's preventing me from taking a journey of self discovery, you know... to find out what I'm really made of? I know it seems cheesy, but I assure you it's not a joke. Today is the day, if I don't try something new now, when will I?

Thanks for listening Icrontic.

Thrax

Good luck, Cliff. I hope you find what you're looking for.

PirateNinja

Sounds like you have problems in life you are afraid to face and you use gaming as one of your tools to get away from those problems and submerge yourself in an alternate reality where the problems don't exist. You aren't alone. Not everyone uses gaming, some people use alcohol or other ways to escape.

I think you are making the right choice to cut it off and go face your demons whatever they may be. In most situations in life, and with most problems, the worst thing you can do about them is nothing at all. So whatever happens, good luck. I hope you can keep us updated on finding balance.

primesuspect

Hey Cliff, you know we're behind you 100%. The only thing I'll say is: don't confuse any potential addiction you may have for gaming/internet/whatever with the very real friendships you've made because of your hobbies. I've seen it happen too many times: Someone feels that the internet is dragging their life down and they cut off EVERYTHING to do with it, up to and including their online friendships.

It hurts. It hurts really bad, because it sort of feels like the friendship you've had with that person is completely invalidated because somehow it's inextricably tied in with an aspect of someone's life that is now instantly "negative".

At any rate, I completely understand your situation. My ex tried to put some of the blame for our failed relationship on Icrontic (there was a lot more to it, but that was one of the scapegoats), and for a moment I wanted to believe her. In hindsight, I know that my online life, and the friendships I've made here, weren't at all the problem. It was bigger and deeper and involved both of us.

I value your friendship. Keep in touch.

Cliff_Forster

I have no intention of giving up this community. Icrontic has been wonderful to me, so much so that this was the place I wanted to vent. Also, you guys understand some of that compulsion, the need for data consumption, and gaming, and I'm at a point where it honestly feels like its taken over. I can't seem to go more than an hour without checking facebook, I constantly check my mail, I play the games to completion, sometimes I'm playing them and I'm not even that compelled by them, I just do because I have it and I almost feel this need, like if I don't experience it, how am I keeping up? It's a crazy way to live, and I'm ready to scale it back and get back to something a bit more simple.

I can see myself in a couple months playing TF2 with you guys once a week like guys used to go bowling on league night. I have to completely re define the habit for myself though, how it fits in my life, and for now I think the best way is just to turn it off for a while.

Thanks for your comments guys, seriously, I'm having a bit of a personal meltdown and having a little sounding board really helps me to organize my thoughts and deal with things more effectively.

Snarkasm

We love you, Cliffy. Take some time, center yourself, mend fences, and keep strong.

Garg

It's all good, Cliff. We're just glad that you've got the strength to prioritize what's really important. When you've got more time to game, TF2 will still be there, and you won't care about the hats they've handed out in the meantime

UPSLynx

It takes guts to post what you did, Cliff. Much <4, man, you know we've got your back.

Straight_Man

As one who became one who gamed people games and read to escape reality, and had to also break away some to center and do personal growth things, I sympathize.

I've been more a lurker here for a while, but meat is meat and frosting is frosting. Sometimes we need more meat for a while out of life. Takes work to eat good meat, takes work to have the money to buy good meat (no, not talking sex stuff at all). When you have a loving relationship, that is gold meat. Go for gold meat in life.

midga

Good show man. One of the key ideas of Buddhism is developing self-awareness, and it seems like you've had a breakthrough in that respect. So, keep it up. Make sure you're not only taking time for the external in your life, but you also take time to meditate to develop your internal. Swapping gaming for other impermanence is only a sideways move. It takes insight to move past your attachments and aversions, and gain wisdom and knowledge. Good luck in your journey.

csimon

Do whatever it takes Cliff, we're behind you 100%.
If you think it helps then just leave your box doing some F@h to help justify the investment for something worthwhile. If not then we understand that too. Whatever it takes.

Good luck and I hope it all works out for you.

Cliff_Forster

I can't thank you guys enough for allowing me this little space to vent. I was having a bit of a personal meltdown last week and a few days removed I feel like I'm already gaining perspective and some forward momentum. There is still much to reflect on, much to do, but I feel positive again for the first time in a long time. You guys don't know how much I appreciated the pat on the backside. I really needed it.

Cliff_Forster

As a follow up, I've stayed true to my commitment about three weeks now. I've decided that the timing was such to say, let's give up gaming for Lent (I was raised Catholic, but don't typically practice).

Let me say, this has happened at a pretty solid time for me. I'm facing one of the biggest challenges in my life. It's super personal and involves family, so I can't divulge much today, but I could have a really big announcement soon. The changes came at the right time, I'm adapting well, and feel really sharp and focused to deal with what's in front of me.

Assuming everything goes as planned, I have promised myself a little treat come April 10th when the gang plays it's typical TF2 league game. I can't say I don't miss PC games, at the same time I don't miss it nearly as much as I thought I would. Overall I have to say the experiment has been a success, I'm happier, more focused, more connected with people. It's not to say that gaming is bad, but it can become an addiction of sorts, an escape from the more pressing issues in your life. For me, living without it for a while has been very cleansing.

Thanks again to everybody for the kind words and encouragement.

primesuspect

We're here for you, Cliff

Straight_Man

Cliff, you might note things have slowed down here some.... This is kinda normal. Younger people come, but the core- the older longer-time Icrontians- is growing up. Living is taking more and more a priority for much of the core. Icrontic is not dying, it is cycling.

Do what you need to do first and foremost, but check in every so often and update us where you feel comfortable doing so, OK??? Please???

John.