Myrmidon's Mighty Mass of Merriment

MyrmidonMyrmidon Baron von PuttenhamCalifornia
edited August 2016 in Backlog of Shame
That's what she calls it.

Also, Merriment, because unlike you saps, I ENJOY video games. :P
Steam name is Myrmidon240 if you'd like to keep tabs. Who the fuck wants to keep tabs, though?

Altitude
Alpha Protocol
Analogue: A Hate Story
Assassin's Creed 3
Battlestations: Midway
Battlestations: Pacific
Bioshock Infinite
Borderlands 2
Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel
Company of Heroes 2 - Alpha - FUCK YOU @UPSLYNX I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS (TRUE STORY)
Conflict: Denied Ops
Counter-Strike: Condition Zero
Counter-Strike: Condition Zero Deleted Scenes
Crypt of the Necrodancer
Defense Grid
Dishonored
Dungeon Defenders
Eets
Fable III
Fallout: New Vegas
Flora's Fruit Farm (the shit that's on my computer)
Gravitron 2
Half-Life 2: Deathmatch
Hitman 2: Silent Assassin
Hitman: Blood Money
Hitman: Codename 47
Indigo Prophecy
Infernal
Just Cause
Kane & Lynch: Dead Men
Lead and Gold - Gangs of the Wild West
Mini Ninjas
Multiwinia
Project: Snowblind
Psychonauts
Rogue Trooper
Shattered Horizon (fuck)
Shellshock 2: Blood Trails
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II
Super Meat Boy
System Shock 2
Tomb Raider
Tomb Raider: Legend
Tomb Raider: Underworld
Torchlight II
Trials 2: Second Edition
Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines
The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings Enhanced Edition
The Witcher 3: The Wild Hunt

*Drops microphone*
BobbyDigiHeroUrbanJediWillprimesuspect
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Comments

  • MrTRiotMrTRiot Living in the North
    Be careful with Fable 3. Don't do the quest called "The Game" and hit that game breaking bug.
  • MyrmidonMyrmidon Baron von Puttenham California
    Be careful with Fable 3. Don't do the quest called "The Game" and hit that game breaking bug.
    Thank you for the heads up. Much like going to Wutai too late in FF7, amirite? (but seriously fuck that I was like forty hours in)

  • MrTRiotMrTRiot Living in the North
    I wrote an article for Icrontic in 2011 mildly touching on my experience with that bug...and it still hasn't been fixed....
  • WinfreyWinfrey waddafuh Missouri
    The ending for Indigo Prophecy was a huge let down. It's almost better not to finish it.
  • Oh Indigo Prophecy... so much promise, but you jump the shark so bad toward the end. :(
  • So, backlog stuff... if only I had bandwidth to download the games I haven't played or finished. :(
  • MyrmidonMyrmidon Baron von Puttenham California
    ALTITUDE IS COMPLETE.

    I'm gonna go ahead and say I'm probably not coming back to this game any time soon. It's awful cute, and very interesting... for about six hours. The last four were absolutely brutal. Once you've seen all the maps, that's about it - and you're so fragile, that it's hard to get a good satisfying m-m-m-monster kill run (probably just takes practice).

    The music is great, the game is interesting, but it's too simple to keep anyone's attention for long.

    Also, the people who play are rude assholes. I think it's because of the perma-free demo.

    Next up is Battlestations: Midway.
    primesuspect
  • MyrmidonMyrmidon Baron von Puttenham California
    Battlestations: Midway: An update.

    This is the worst game I have ever played.

    I'm posting while playing the game. Why, you ask? BECAUSE EVERY TIME I START A MISSION, IT'S SEVEN MINUTES OF 'WE'RE GETTING CLOSER TO THE ENEMY, SIR.'

    Don't buy this piece of shit.
    primesuspectRahnalH102Creeperbane2UrbanJediWill
  • MyrmidonMyrmidon Baron von Puttenham California
    I KNOW WHAT WE'LL DO! WE'LL SEND THE ASSHOLE IN TWO BOATS AGAINST FORTY-NINE! AAAAHAHAHAHA! Fucking brilliant. Oh, and also, he needs to use artillery WITHOUT A RANGEFINDER! AAAAHHAHAHA He'll be whackin' awaaay in the sand trap! Oh! And we'll call each hit a stroke, cause when you miss you feel like yer gonna fookin DIE! AAAAHAHAHA

    No, but seriously, how many devs must have lost their jobs for this crock of crap?

    Serious review coming when I beat this piece of torture.
    primesuspectRyanFodderUrbanJediWill
  • timuchantimuchan Fishers, IN
    Oh dear, I have that game. You're scaring me. Fortunately I have many games between now and then. I must strengthen my resolve... I must become stronger to survive.

    image
    TeramonaRahnalH102Myrmidon
  • MyrmidonMyrmidon Baron von Puttenham California
    edited January 2013
    Three immediate notes while loading up Battlestations: Pacific:

    1. THIS version comes with Games for Windows Live.That's a HUGE improvement over the first, right guys? Guys?
    2. The game disables the Steam overlay and copy/pasting doesn't work with Windows Live, so I can't actually input my product key without writing it down on paper.
    3. The game overlay doesn't show up on screenshots, so unless you want a screenshot of my empty and waiting MS paint canvas, no pictures of this game either.

    Damn you, @primesuspect. This is all your fault.
    primesuspectCanti
  • MyrmidonMyrmidon Baron von Puttenham California
    edited January 2013
    Oh God. You can play as the Japanese, with really, REALLY bad dialogue. @Teramona isn't sure whether the accent is so bad as to be fake, or so bad as to be straight off the boat.

    Also, turns out this game is a straight port from the Xbox 360. I haven't found a redeeming quality YET.
    timuchanTeramona
  • TeramonaTeramona Consulting Tea Specialist Best Coast!
    "This game is my nightmare." - Dan
    timuchanMyrmidonRyanFodderUrbanJediWill
  • MyrmidonMyrmidon Baron von Puttenham California
    In an effort to keep you updated:

    This game improved on (what I can only assume is) its predecessor in so many ways. They added an auto-aim feature (I would have enjoyed a better aiming SYSTEM, but okay), they did away with trying to add some random character into the story line, and the dialogue (while HORRIFYINGLY cliche) isn't nearly as irritating.

    I get the feeling people may have complained about the predecessor's lack of in-game instruction, because now every square FUCKING inch of my screen is covered in tooltips. In addition, the game pauses to throw lengthy textual information at you - and since every menu has a name, the tips are HORRIBLY dry - "go to the combat support flight deck control window 4 and press C to launch nell bomber zero emily fighters, press D to select a thirteen woman cheerleader squad, press D again to deploy..." etc.

    There's a lot less "la la la, wait until I get there," but there's tons and tons and tons of words flying at you at any given time, which makes it pretty tough to keep up. I only hope I haven't missed a couple key game aspects.

    The game is still horribly boring. I'm still on the fourth or fifth japanese mission, and it still plays like a tutorial - but every mission boils down to 'shoot this now shoot this now shoot this, aren't you glad you're on the high sea so you don't have to worry about, like, cover and shit?'
    primesuspectTeramona
  • primesuspectprimesuspect Beepin n' Boopin Detroit, MI
    I edited your list for you. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! For GLORY!
  • MyrmidonMyrmidon Baron von Puttenham California
    Awww, I liked showing off the ones I'd already done. :(
  • MyrmidonMyrmidon Baron von Puttenham California
    It took me this long, but I finally finished Battlestations: Pacific.

    I don't have screenshots, so I'll make this short.

    Battles are boring and easy (even on hard difficulty), the AI blows except to dodge torpedoes, the dialogue is monotonous and boring (Here's your job sir! To kill everything sir!), and the graphics and UI are much better than the Battlestations: Midway.

    Also, TIL damn near every battle in the pacific theater was single-handedly won by a fighter pilot.

    Now then: Good news, Company of Heroes: Alpha is closed so I don't have to do that. Bad news, on to something called "Conflict: Denied Ops." Here we gooooo!
    primesuspect
  • MyrmidonMyrmidon Baron von Puttenham California
    Conflict: Denied Ops

    "Well, that's why God invented air support!" "You one limp-dicked motherfucker!"

    Interesting dialogue choices thus far. Curious mechanic, this switching back and forth thing. I wonder how it will play out.

    image
  • MyrmidonMyrmidon Baron von Puttenham California
    edited February 2013
    PAY ATTENTION TO ME

    More sweet dialogue: "You guys are like a four-hundred pound virgin on prom night: on your own." Dude, I tell you. Someone had to sit down and think this shit out; that ain't no colloquialism I ever done heard of.

    Also, the switch-back-and-forth-between-two-guys mechanic is pretty interesting, and it's very easy to give simple commands to your squad-mate that don't involve a whole lot of 'sorry doc' and 'let me get out of your way, Freeman.' The AI leaves a lot to be desired (when bad guys don't know where you are, they run a sweet circuit around the map), but the game is old enough that they were probably just focusing on the two-person-party aspect. Multiplayer is probably pretty interesting.

    A pretty cool street to have you and your squadmate "advance" on. Leapfrogging ftw.
    image


    Also, the tank controls are mega squirrely, but I don't see them enough to warrant lowering the sensitivity. Results:

    Tracer rounds:
    image

    Er, yeah, I think I'm getting closer...
    image

    No, no, no, back THAT way
    image

    Alright, you're not even fucking trying to hit him now.
    image

    OH GOD I GOT HIM YOU SQUIRRELY FUCK
    image
    CantiprimesuspectRyanFodderTeramona
  • midgamidga "There's so much hot dog in Rome" ~digi (> ^.(> O_o)>
    ALTITUDE IS COMPLETE.

    I'm gonna go ahead and say I'm probably not coming back to this game any time soon. It's awful cute, and very interesting... for about six hours. The last four were absolutely brutal. Once you've seen all the maps, that's about it - and you're so fragile, that it's hard to get a good satisfying m-m-m-monster kill run (probably just takes practice).

    The music is great, the game is interesting, but it's too simple to keep anyone's attention for long.

    Also, the people who play are rude assholes. I think it's because of the perma-free demo.

    Next up is Battlestations: Midway.
    Very late to be quoting this, but w/e.

    I play this listening to old recordings of Gunsmoke. It makes the game so much more awesome.
  • MyrmidonMyrmidon Baron von Puttenham California
    edited February 2013
    Conflict:Denied Ops is now complete.

    Ignoring the hilarious dialogue and poorly defined characters (shooters are notorious for this), this wasn't awful. It's clear that it's meant to be more multiplayer than single player, and I do have a soft spot for co-op shooters. I'm pretty disappointed in the AI - I played this on hard, and I still had bad guys doing crazy stupid things. It was very Area 51 esque in this regard - bad guys took WAY too long to aim, and most levels just became a 'how fast can I kill these jerks before they overwhelm me' sort of deal. Would have made a pretty good zombie survival game, at least.

    I was impressed at the level of detail, however. Eidos definitely took some pains to try interesting things here. The ever-present flammable barrel is still in existence, but at least it doesn't explode into oblivion - there's some debris. Any flammable container under pressure, however, flies around like a proper container ought to - that was nice to see.

    Here's a nice example of the crazy shit they did in terms of detail - every piece of wood could be broken in about a thousand different ways. VERY neat.

    Our wooden plank:
    image

    I shot where the crosshairs were in the last shot.
    image

    Same deal as last time.
    image

    Tore a great chunk out of it...
    image

    What if I try to eliminate some load-bearing wood? Will it shatter?
    image

    image

    image

    There we go. Barely recognizable!
    image



    With this complete, it is on to counterstrike: Condition Zero!
    primesuspectRyanFodder
  • primesuspectprimesuspect Beepin n' Boopin Detroit, MI
    Onwards and upwards!
  • MyrmidonMyrmidon Baron von Puttenham California
    At least someone's watching this, eh? :P
    midga
  • I enjoyed the breaking wood example. When I first played Crysis, I did this for about 3 hours straight mowing down trees trying to determine how many bullets it would take.
  • TeramonaTeramona Consulting Tea Specialist Best Coast!
    At least someone's watching this, eh? :P
    Dan, you know I'm paying special attention to this thread... I just don't like to comment on your stuff, because then people might know that all I do all day is stalk you on the internet. Which is weird since I live with you.
    midgaErrorNullTurnipRyanFodderUrbanJediWill
  • MyrmidonMyrmidon Baron von Puttenham California
    Counter strike: condition zero...

    I hate this game so fucking much. I hate counter-strike, and the only thing that could make it more pointless is to spend one minute playing and then five waiting for bots to duke it out.

    Fuck this contest. Fuck it right in its ear.
    Cantiprimesuspect
  • primesuspectprimesuspect Beepin n' Boopin Detroit, MI
    You know, I actually enjoyed Condition Zero.
  • MyrmidonMyrmidon Baron von Puttenham California
    edited March 2013
    So, I am having SO VERY LITTLE FUN with this game that I'm breaking my internal rule - I'm switching this shit to easy and blowing through it in an hour.

    Go home, counter-strike. You were fun when I was a twelve year old with nothing better to do with my life.
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