EAT YOUR SOUP
Hokay, so… We had a tea party. But what does that mean? People weren’t sure what it would be beforehand, and now people aren’t quite sure about what they participated in. They know there was food, they know there was tea, and they know they enjoyed themselves… But Icrontians from all over the nation have expressed interest in knowing more about the history, science, and art behind Icrontea party. Well, I’m here to make that dream a more realistic dream! Follow me, my friends, down the tea parteh rabbit hole.
Firstly, why tea? Well, we don’t exactly know. It was a long time ago, and I wasn’t alive back then. There’s a legend that some dude in China was walking around drinking hot water when a leaf fell in to his cup, and he noticed it smelled damn delicious. Thusly, tea was supposedly born.
Does that mean that any leaf in hot water is tea? Haha, dear me, no. Don’t be silly. True tea only comes from the Camellia Sinensis plant. That is, only white, green, black, and Oolong teas (the difference between them being when they’re picked, and the extent of the drying/oxidation process) are true teas. Anything else is just an herbal tea. That’s right—your precious nighttime chamomile is a lie. Also, if it’s real tea, it’s got caffeine in it. They can get up to 95% of the caffeine out, but that still leaves a measurable amount… So, if you’re sensitive to it, have a cup of lies herbal tea instead.
Pinkies up
So, what does it mean to “take tea”? There are a lot of different ways to take tea (which, by the way, was a lower-class term. Servants would “take tea” in the kitchen). There’s a simple cream tea, which is usually just a scone or two with some jam, and a pot of tea. There’s afternoon tea, which in its origins was meant as an afternoon pick-me-up snack for laborers—it’s traditionally a couple of savory sandwiches served with tea, and maybe a scone as well.
As far as Icrontea Party goes, it would mostly likely be termed as “high tea” as high tea is generally a full meal served with tea. Also, the pairings I chose weren’t arbitrary, as you might have liked to believe:
Course: Scones with red raspberry jam and Devonshire cream, and shortbread cookies.
Tea pairing: A special Icrontea blend holiday tea that I mixed mahself.
Why: The plain scones and the buttery shortbread both had light sweet flavors… and nothing goes better with something like that (or so I’m told) than a glass of milk. The tea was blended with the idea that you would add milk and sugar to it, as that is traditionally how black tea is taken, and it helps to cut a bit of the natural bitterness. We want a slightly sweet tea with a slightly sweet dish, because sweet food can make bitter tea unpleasant to your tastebuds.
Course: Cheddar Potato soup, and tea sandwiches.
Tea Pairing: Jasmine green tea.
Why: Jasmine green tea was intended to be taken with lemon and honey. Lemon adds a bright contrast to the flavor, and honey is a more delicate sweetener than straight sugar (since it’s actually sweeter than sugar, you can use less). You wouldn’t want your tea to be too sweet when eating something savory, because then it would taste just that; too sweet.
Course: Sachertorte.
Tea Pairing: Apricot black tea.
Why: Firstly, I paired these two together, because the sachertorte (“suckmytorte”) was glazed with apricot jam. I knew the apricot in the tea, and the apricot in the dessert would compliment each other. Also, as with the scone and holiday tea, I wanted to pair sweet with sweet. The apricot tea was also meant to be taken with milk and sugar.
The big tea questions
Now, the big question: Milk and sugar, or lemon and honey? Everyone was super interested in this. The secret is that it actually comes mostly down to preference. There are a lot of people (we’ll call them “purists”) who like to take their tea straight. You can find these people on Reddit, telling you the proper way to drink tea is to swallow the boiling water, chew the tea leaves, and then fuck bitches. While that’s not exactly incorrect, it’s not the “end all, be all” either. However you drink your tea is the correct way. The reason we add milk and sugar, as mentioned briefly in the pairings section, is to cut the bitterness of the plant. The longer you steep the tea leaves, the more the tannin comes out, and thus the more bitter your tea will become. Lemon and honey is a lighter alternative to this. Lemon is particularly pleasant in tea, because it adds a nice acidity that will contrast most flavors nicely. Milk, however, does not pair especially well with green tea.
Fancy tea cookies with fancy penises on them for fancy parties
Bonus info: English laborers often added milk and sugar to their tea for the extra energy. This is why tea is traditionally taken with milk and sugar in England.
Icrontic does tea. We're on it.
So, whether you’re drinking tea English style, or you’re chewing leaves and gulping boiling water… you’re doing it 100% right, because, hey… it’s tea. And tea’s cool.
Articles RSS