Welcome to Duke Nukem Forever
With the release of the demo version of Duke Nukem Forever early today, purchasers of the Borderlands GOTY version and those who pre-ordered the game
As we’ve seen with many titles these past few years, gamers are more and more concerned not with graphics, gameplay, or features, but just how much urination the game will cover. Even when the first level loads, and we are introduced to the interface, you can tell that this game will not piss you off.
With the click of a mouse button, YOU get to control Duke’s piss like a pro, even up to the ability to simulate the ritual of shaking the last few drops out. Some may complain about the lack of an aiming mechanic, and you may need to wait for DLC to get the two-stream effect, but it’s hard to argue that this isn’t one of the best peeing mechanics in a game ever.
Duke Nukem Forever isn’t just about urination, however. On the contrary—after a quick jaunt out of the water closet (and past the guy with the spurting leg stump), we’re introduced to what might be the next mark of excellence in all future game titles—whiteboard interaction!
Plan A
That’s right! Now Duke can walk up and deface the dickens out of strategic battle plans to take out the aliens—doodling such things as lipstick, eyelashes, and tiny boobs on an otherwise imposing rendition of an alien boss.
More important matters need to be addressed though, and Duke rushes out to save the day. This is where we get the first battle with not only a classic enemy from the Duke Nukem franchise, but a bane to every gamer in every game anywhere… crates!
Cratality!
Punching is hard work though, and a Duke needs to replenish his urine reserves, so you must keep an eye on the bladder meter and spot whatever water sources you can to keep in the fight to wee.
Drink up!
Again, we are treated to a breakthrough in gaming technology by bearing witness to the most detailed drinking fountain nozzle in gaming history! This is just a means to an end though, and it doesn’t take much time playing to come full-circle as to why we play games like this.
Sweet release
That’s right, more pissing! And anyone who thought they were a whiz at the first peeing, will be challenged with the “Sink the Battleship” mini-game!
Sadly, the rest of the demo plodded on with rocket launchers, monster trucks, exploding heads and the general whatnot you see in these family-oriented titles, but seeing what I have so far, I’m sure the full version will include many more opportunities to expel bodily waste out of one’s genitals. At least we can rest assured that Duke Nukem Forever is securely founded in its roots, while still breaking new ground.
Plan B
Note: there is no cow level, and very importantly, there is no “Sink the Battleship” mini-game (clearly dignity won out).
If you don’t have the demo yet, here’s our quick guide to getting it.
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