Icrontic’s grizzled news team has only just returned from the sands of Las Vegas, but our week at CES brought us to a unanimous decision: 3D television sucks. While every home theater component vendor from Tokyo to Beijing is wooding up at the thought of selling consumers yet another round of players, sets and discs, we’re just not interested in drinking that Kool-Aid.
Worst. Grape drink. Ever.
We’ve spent the last 10 years working to improve the size, sharpness, contrast and vibrancy of HD panels, but 3D technology–be it RealD or active LCD shutter–casts the image in a grey haze, and creates a nasty ghosting effect to the left of hard edges. We were especially glad to be rid of ghosting when we chucked our dial-driven VHF sets to the curb in 1994, and we’re equally disinterested in turning back the clock on our LCDs to the days when a muddy wash of green and grey passed for black.
Left: A beautiful, vibrant flower / Right: RUINED BY SHITTY 3D.
More cynically, we’re not all that into paying for Sony’s blunders. Having essentially failed to create a next-gen home video standard that successfully lures consumers away from their upscaling DVD players, the entire Blu-ray Disc Association is scrambling to give the spec any gimmick it can think of in a desperate bid to make retail sales match their irrationally exuberant expectations.
The fallibility of 3D television must also be considered; many consumers (especially those with corrective lenses) suffer headaches or eyestrain, do not experience the intended 3D effect, or complain of flickering. Whereas we wouldn’t accept it from a computer or a car, home theater vendors are hoping that “most of the time, it works every time!” is enough to lure consumers.
DERP DE DERP 3D SMURF TITS OMGADZ
Finally, there are socioeconomic concerns. The movie night is a time-honored tradition among movie buffs, but what happens to it when 3D takes the reins? Do we turn people away if they don’t have the glasses? Do they expect us to invest in goggles for our friends and family? Should we expect our friends to purchase glasses if they want to hang out and watch movies with us? If the MSRP of NVIDIA’s 3D Vision kit is any indicator, then we’d sooner ask our friends to drink paint. And when old titles receive their inevitable 3D remastering, should current Blu-ray owners re-buy their movies a third time? Piss on that.
While we’re at it, 3D gaming (while better than TV), has its own pains: Crosshairs often sit at the wrong Z depth, objects tend to “pop” in and out of the picture as they approach the bezel, the picture is washed out and hazy, it costs $200, and it requires a new monitor. Piss on that, too.
Long story short
The list of brands punching tickets on the OMG HOLY CRAP THE FUTURE express makes for a real who’s who of the industry: Samsung, LG, Sony, AMD, NVIDIA, Bobby Miller (that dick), Intel, Toshiba and Excedrin, to name a few. Indeed, it appears that 3D is a tide that cannot be turned, but we’re quite happy with our Big McHugelarge 4353450983245902345:1 LCDs, and won’t suffer Mexico City smog on our picture lightly.
Jog on, 3D.
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