Information about former member Redoulent, warning - this isn't for the sensitive
First off, he says he owes Folding Team 93 an apology, but does not say what for. I found a note "Tell Folding Team 93 I'm sorry" written on it.
I was one of his closest friends. I say was, because he died in a car crash in the summer of 2005. I recently found a box in a closet that I used to store stuff that had REDOULENT written on top of it. I didn't recognize the box but I did recognize my friends handle, so I opened it. I wish I hadn't. In it I found printouts of information relating to Crown Victoria accidents. Detailed information with notes on why this driver survived and this one didn't. Pictures of over passes in the area and measurements.
I found a copy of his life insurance policy with a clause regarding suicides highlighted. The policy had to be active for 2 years before it would pay out on a suicide. He died in that car crash two months after the 2 year mark.
I found a letter he wrote about his wife and how he was having trouble making her happy. She was obsessive compulsive, so upsetting her was easy. He felt it was his fault that she wasn't happy. He asked her what would make her happy, and she answered $200,000. His policy was for $200,000.
I'm trying to convince myself that this isn't adding up the way I think it does. It's just a coincidence. He did not turn his life into a check in an attempt to make his wife happy.
We were his closest friends. None of us saw any signs. Did that SOB fool all of us? Did he put that box there so we would know? There are some other items in the box, and I think I know who they were meant to go to. I'm gonna pass em out to our friends. Do I tell them what I found?
Anyways, I looked up folding team 93, and came up with this site.
I was one of his closest friends. I say was, because he died in a car crash in the summer of 2005. I recently found a box in a closet that I used to store stuff that had REDOULENT written on top of it. I didn't recognize the box but I did recognize my friends handle, so I opened it. I wish I hadn't. In it I found printouts of information relating to Crown Victoria accidents. Detailed information with notes on why this driver survived and this one didn't. Pictures of over passes in the area and measurements.
I found a copy of his life insurance policy with a clause regarding suicides highlighted. The policy had to be active for 2 years before it would pay out on a suicide. He died in that car crash two months after the 2 year mark.
I found a letter he wrote about his wife and how he was having trouble making her happy. She was obsessive compulsive, so upsetting her was easy. He felt it was his fault that she wasn't happy. He asked her what would make her happy, and she answered $200,000. His policy was for $200,000.
I'm trying to convince myself that this isn't adding up the way I think it does. It's just a coincidence. He did not turn his life into a check in an attempt to make his wife happy.
We were his closest friends. None of us saw any signs. Did that SOB fool all of us? Did he put that box there so we would know? There are some other items in the box, and I think I know who they were meant to go to. I'm gonna pass em out to our friends. Do I tell them what I found?
Anyways, I looked up folding team 93, and came up with this site.
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Comments
I don't know what to say... it's too terrible. I knew something must have been wrong for Red to fall off the map like that.
Redoulent hosted a team-donated computer for us that ran Folding@Home 24/7 for years and years. I'm sure he was apologizing because he and the computer disappeared without a word... which was very unlike him.
I'm really sorry.
Thanks for tracking us down. I admit that we thought the worst of him for a while because of what happened. Perhaps I should explain:
We have a project called the "ICx Project" (Formerly the SMx project) where we solicit donations for money and computer hardware, and use it to build complete systems which we then send out to select "hosts". These people are trusted members of our community who agree to provide electricity and a network connection in exchange for receiving an essentially "free" computer. 90% of the time this works out well - we've deployed 36 machines in the past few years, and only 2-3 have been essentially "stolen". Until now, we thought red's was one of those. Turns out the story is much worse than I had feared
I don't know why he felt the need to apologize. This whole thing makes me kind of sick to think about. This isn't the first suicide or death that this community has experienced
Thanks for coming to find us. Please stick around, you'll find us a very close-knit family on the web.
-Brian
Finding the box makes sense. He didn't keep things from us. It was our golden rule. The items I found are significant to each of us in our circle. This had to be intentional. you bastard...........
Please forgive any typos or grammatical errors. I'm having a hard time here...
edit - Smitty says he recently removed "Proud Host of Icrontic2" from Redoulent's signature at Rage3D.
As Brian said, we've experienced death in our community several times. If one of their accounts started posting again, it'd be pretty unnerving, even traumatic to some.
//edit:
Smitty is a therapist. I'm gonna get everyone together. To quote Redoulent "Never do anything you don't want anyone else knowing about". Not gonna tell his wife though. She took it hard enough, and would only blame herself.
I wonder how long this box was in that closet. If I had found it sooner, or right after he put it in there....
It's very interesting to note the words he used in his signature on these foums which read: "I apologize for my existance, it's the best I can do..."
It seems he was already trying to tell us something...
The last post he made in here was to congratulate team 93 on their best folding month ever. He was obviously a furious supporter of folding and we can only thank you for letting us know the true story. His reputation has been restored.
He was constantly checking his tires. Witnesses said his tire blew just before he hit the overpass. The set before that accident he had worn the front tire down to where you could see the mesh under the rubber.
Winga - that quote isn't as ominous as it sounds. That was a common thing for him to say. The full quote is "I apologize for my existance, it's the best I can do... However, it isn't my fault that you are so easily influenced by my mere presence". He was frequently labeled the corruptor of our group, turning us all into rampaging smartasses.
He was getting daily migraines and had taken to sleeping in his lazy boy chair. So his wife was getting used to him not being in the bed with her.
There is no suicide note in here. No direct confession. I'm pissed and sad at the same time. This box is his way of holding himself accountable to us.
Thank you for sharing with us.
It is indeed very sad. Bit lost for words, actually.
Again...................thank you.
Jon
Well, I didn't know Patrick but like others I have lost a few internet acquaintences along the way. It's real, and it really sucks. :sad2:
To Patrick.
My condolences,
LIN
I'm sure it was 2 days ago. I noticed a big producer for the team above Sally. Name:"redoulent". I did not take a screen shot, however if you join these 2 together, you will see what i mean. I believe he is in a good place looking down.
It really hurts!
Thanks for letting us know, deaden_07. It's sad, but you did the right thing. I am sorry for your loss...and ours.
I remember Redoulent quite well. He did have a good sense of humor and was one of the foundation members of Team 93 at the original Icrontic forums.
Anyone who turns 50 is likely to have all their underware stolen and replaced with depends. Patrick started that one. Did it to our buddy Don the morning of his birthday right before he had to go to work. Don had the last laugh, he just went freestyle that day!
Leaving an empty container of a liquid laxative in someone's fridge. Nothing was tampered with, it just makes em wonder what they can trust and what they can't.
One time though, 6 of us, 1 bathroom...someone spiked the food with a mild laxative. 6 of us lined up at the bathroom tryin not to laugh and s$% ourselves.
I also really enjoyed interfacing with Patrick here on the forums and do miss him too.:(
- Kentigern
That's a really poignant image. It's tempting to ask Stanford what could have caused that, but I don't think they could give me an answer I'd like any more than the one I already have.
One-page PDF version attached if anyone wants one.
I didn't know Patrick that well from his SM posts, but he seems like a very decent guy.
I'm sorry for the loss of your friend.:(
In the wake of this event, I would ask that anyone reading this post know that if they ever hurt so much that they think suicide is an option, PLEASE! call me, email me, shout from a roof top to me, I will (as will most other Icrontic members I feel) talk to you at anytime of the day or night for as long as you need to talk.
No matter how alone you feel, you are not....